Chapter 12

chapter twelve The next morning, I sit up on my trampoline bed. And I notice it's quiet. I hop-step-shuffle into a pair of jogging pants and hurry across the store to our campaign headquarters. No June, no Dirk, no Quint. Oh man, if I overslept for the definitely-happening-at-three-p.m. town hall, I'm in trouble. The only ones around are my zombies, lounging in a pop-up camping tent. I've fully outfitted them with mall-made weapons: a patio umbrella for Alfred, a rain stick from some organic crystals store for Lefty, and a heavy motorized pogo stick for Glurm. They can't attack without my command, but they can still look intimidating. "Hey, guys," I say. "Where is everyone?" I only get moans. Don't know what else I expected. But I ask again, waving my Slicer this time. In response, Alfred holds up a Post-it note that says "Gone to staff meeting." "Staff meeting?" I say aloud. "I don't remember June scheduling a staff meeting. And where else would it be

but here?" I throw on a June-approved mayoral candidate hoodie and head off in search of my friends. I'm passing by Every Little Thing We Sell Is MAGIK when— Ohhhh. Staff meeting, I think. Right. Quint's eyes light up when he notices me. "Jack!" he says, waving his staff. "Come look!" "Whoa," I say. "What have you done to that thing? It looks like a cyborg shower curtain." The conjurer's cane has been given the full Quint treatment—loaded up with gadgets, thingamajigs, and doodads. But Yursl must have made some

modifications, too, because a tiny Nerf basketball now hangs from a net on the side of the cane. Quint flicks a switch, and the foam ball begins to glow, bathing Quint's face in swirling color. Smiling, Quint jumps into an explanation of the conjurer's cane's upgraded features. "If you flick this tiny joystick," Quint explains, "it can recognize radio frequencies within a one-hundredmile radius!" "It is a most unusual form of conjuring..." Yursl croaks mysteriously. "Well, yeah," Quint says. "I suppose science is a bit like conjuring, in a way." "A new sort of conjuring," she says. "We must tread lightly. The wrong mixture of science and spell, and... who knows? Your entire molecular structure could be displaced—transported to another location!" Quint shrugs that off like it's nothing, but I can tell his science-brain is flipping out right now.

I have a few hours until the town hall, and just one full day remaining until the election. So I throw everything out the window for the afternoon and just try to have fun with it... GOOD TIMES CAMPAIGNING ON THE MALLUSK MONTAGE! When I'm elected, I promise all shirts WILL have five arm holes—- minimum! you bet we can do strawberry Nequik in the water fountains!

No loud noises after eight p.m. is totally reasonable. Of Course you should be able to party all night long! I show up to the town hall right on time and give myself a well-deserved high five. There are thousands of monsters gathered at the Play Area & Rendezvous Plaza. June is waiting, holding out a fresh outfit.

Quick tutor. time to get spiffy. This is your town hall outfit. blue suit, three peak pocket square tie with just the right amount of striped thickness. And this awesome mall pin Jack bro, what have you gotten yourself into? I sigh. I just wanna curl up under a very heavy blanket and read comics for about twenty-seven hours. The end of the world is wearing me down. "June," I say. "There is no way I'm wearing that. They're gonna think I'm a big dork!" "You are a big dork." "Yeah, but I don't need to advertise it!" Before June can protest further, I march toward the stage. I've got an awful feeling in my gut—like I was