Chapter 18

chapter eighteen There's a ticking clock now. We have to hurry. We all know that. But at the same time, everything that just happened was really heavy. And it's already weighing on us. Everyone is on edge. Every tiny thing is about to make us explode. Like, seven minutes ago? This was the scene inside Big Mama....

Could you chew any more loudly? Sure, if that would make you happy. Chomp, chomp, Possum Palace. Next exit. Hey Quint, you know what's a fun thing? Reading EVERY SIGN YOU SEE out loud? Like I said, we're on edge. Stuff is heavy. But it's only gonna get more heavy. So we must stick with what's been working: enjoying good old-fashioned road trip fun. If we don't, we'll all fall apart. And we can't stop Thrull if we fall apart. That's what I'm thinking when June says, "Jack, could you not suck chocolate fudge sauce off your fingers while you read from our shared

collection of mystery novels starring heroic heroines?" I lower our copy of Murder She Wrote: Season 3 Episode 2: the Novelization. "Sorry. I'm just naturally good at doing two things at once." June rolls her eyes. "Oh really?" she says. "Like when you tried to show us how you could walk and chew gum at the same time and instead you tripped and choked at the same time?" "Hey, hey, hey," I say. "Still did it at the same time, didn't I?" And that's when it hits me. A plan... "SPEED TOURING!" I say. My friends, together: "Huh?" "See it all! See it quick! Take photos with instant film!" Again, my friends, together: "Huh?" "Look—we're in a rush to get where we're going because of the whole—y'know—Thrull bringing .e...c. here to harvest our homes and maybe bite on us." Quint nods. "Correct."

"But, same time," I continue, "we've still got Dirk's road trip! And we've got our brains to take care of. We gotta enjoy ourselves! So..." "Speed touring..." June says, nodding. "I get it. We see stuff really quick. And we do it all the way until we get to the Great Wet Village." "Right! We drive straight there, direct route —but whenever we've gotta stop for something, we make the best out of it! And we never spend a second longer than we need to anywhere. That way, we're productive, enjoying ourselves —but not wasting precious time! You in??" Everyone smiles. They're in....— Using the Slicer, I'm able to have the zombies pump gas. Glurm seems to be the best at that. So, every time we need gas, we stop someplace nice—and we all get to enjoy the scenery. And man, that scenery is weird....

The closer we get to our destination—the weirder the world becomes. And that— SCREEEECH! I'm thrown forward! Big Mama slides to a halt! I smell burning rubber. "SORRY!" Dirk

says. "My fault, my fault. Didn't see that 'deer crossing' sign." But these aren't deer. Though they are slow— How long has it been? Five? Our PICK UP THE PIECE. Let's GO. LET'S GO. Yep, things are definitely getting weirder now. And that means we need to reach the Great Wet Village as soon as possible. And we will. We're getting close. We're speed touring our way there.