Chapter 25

chapter twenty-five THREE. Hey, what I even do In less than a second, we've tackled Flunk to the ground. The second after that, Flunk's practically sobbing.

"PLEASE!" Flunk cries. "TAKE ME ALIVE!" "Well, obviously," Globlet says. "We're not sickos." "We're just going to borrow your armor," Johnny Steve tells him. "See, here's the deal," I say. "I'm gonna be you for a little while. Hope you don't mind...." Soon, we've removed his armor—and we discover a problem. Flunk is long! He's built like an other-dimensional grasshopper. There's no way I'll fit. I glance around quickly, then, "Johnny Steve, grab me two putters! And a bunch of that tape that goes on the golf club handles. I've got an idea...."

Moments later, of course, Stt walking a skill that every human learns during their formative years. Nope, Johnny, Steve, Not even a little "Holy stromboli, that actually worked!" Globlet exclaims. "And I think I can actually walk, too," I say as I take a wobbly step forward. The armor is heavy, but the suit does half the work: all the joints are motor-powered. I manage to tramp all the way to the clubhouse mirror.

This plan might actually work. You look quite sharp in a suit, slap on the helmet and you're flunk. Flunk, who we've tied to the anchor, watches us unhappily. I hear him murmur, "I look the coolest in it. The Boss told me so." "Hush, you!" Globlet says. Neon smiles as I stride past him. Each step is easier than the last. I'm walking like a real- deal Rifter by the time I reach the clubhouse door. Slowly, carefully, I open it. "Wait, wait! Lemme see! Lemme see!" Globlet says. She hops up the armor and slips

beneath my shoulder guard. She peeks out from underneath, and we both peer outside. First, I see the Ogres—they're in the parking lot, tied to old cars like horses in one of those old western movies Dirk loves so much. Meanwhile, the Rifters are having a weird, celebratory party at the eighteenth hole. Rifters are chomping on raw meat and chugging very spoiled milk. One swigs from a carton—and I see it's curdled and thick and I can smell it all the way from the clubhouse. "There he is!" Globlet says. A cave sits behind the eighteenth hole and a waterfall splashes down. On top of the cave is the Boss Rifter. He sits on a giant plastic crocodile like it's some sort of throne, watching his Rifters down below like he's judging a contest.

"It's time to move," I say. "We need to do this while the Boss Rifter is up there in his crocodile seat." "I am quite ready!" Johnny Steve announces from across the clubhouse. He's cradling a karaoke machine we found in the birthday party room. "I will put all my human knowledge to use!" I give him a thumbs-up. He doesn't have thumbs, so he grins. "See you shortly," he says, and he scurries out the back. I think,