Chapter 15

chapter fifteen We fall. And fall. And then— WHAM! We hit the ambulance like four tiny comets, crashing to earth. Johnny Steve rolls onto Neon, then I crash into the pair of them, and Globlet flops onto my face. I shake the cobwebs loose. Looking up, I see a towering Blooper Burger sign. It's rocking back and forth as the monster rises. The ambulance is spinning like an inner tube in a wave pool. The sloshing, rolling water grows choppier. The massive monster fully emerges, turning toward us. And I gasp, because—well...

"His face! He's cute!" I blurt out. "Ermahgerd, SO cute!" Globlet adds. -Big Ol' Wet Cutie! looks like a giant piglet. Ginormous stubby legs. Tiny little cute claws. I hear Johnny Steve staggering to his feet. Neon's talons pierce the ambulance hood,

gripping it tight. My back is radiating pain. "This is all a big giant mess," I say. "But I kinda wanna snuggle that cutie. Is that so wrong?" "Oh yes," Johnny Steve says. "That is so wrong. That is a Ploonk. Ploonks don't snuggle." Before I can ask why—I see why. It happens lightning fast—in an instant, the Ploonk's flesh rearranges itself! Bones bend, and its face is splitting, changing, and opening like the petals of some horrible, hideous flower. Its huggable, pig-faced snout is gone— replaced by a face only a mother could love. And even then, that would have to be one hugely big-hearted mama. The Ploonk's maw opens wide, and a tornado of tremendous, screaming air is unleashed—

"HANG ON!" I shout. A wave roils, the ambulance drifts back, and I do a near-backward tumble. Johnny Steve breaks my fall, seconds before I go toppling into the water. I pin him, he catches me, Globlet cheers. Teamwork! The Ploonk's short, plump arms extend outward. With slow, deliberate force—the monster slaps the water and— SMACK!

Two rolling waves splash outward, and the ambulance nearly flips. Johnny Steve is grabbing Globlet by the back like a knuckleball. Neon is on his belly, hugging the roof. "What a grump," Globlet whispers. "Maybe it's over," I say. "Maybe it just wanted to show off its ability to switch from cute piggy face to horrible nightmare fuel! And now—" I stop yapping. I see six purple dots on the Ploonk's hide, dripping purple ooze. Monster blood. From where Neon stuck his talons. To quote Jack Sullivan, fisticuffs. "Gang, we gotta get outta here NOW!" I say, whirling around. But we can't. Because Neon is halfway in the water! He slides and his claws scrape against the sopping wet ambulance. There's a spark of color as—

SPLOOSH! Neon slips into the water. "Neon, get back up here!" I shout. "No time for messing around! That giant monster is—" "Bad," Johnny Steve says. "This is all very bad. Baby Wretches can't swim." It takes me a moment to process what Johnny Steve just said. And when I do, I spin around. WHAT, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IN EARLIER? When NEON WAS PRANCING AND JUMPING AND FAKE FLYING, you know, I was surprised by how little you seem to care. Aren't all humans aware of the swimming abilities of ringed wretches? Nope, June doesn't know squat