Chapter 13

chapter thirteen It's a strange, haphazard path. We cross crumbling bridges that nearly collapse beneath our feet. We march along freeways that have become zombie-filled parking lots. We pass gas stations that are now home to giant, sleeping slugs that sip on gasoline while they snore. It's a long walk—and Johnny Steve talks the entire freaking time. "I am just so thrilled to chat with a bona fide human!" he explains. "My previous attempts at communication have not gone well."

这是一条奇怪的、偶然的道路。 我们走过摇摇欲坠的桥，它们几乎在我们脚下倒塌。 我们沿着已经变成僵尸停车场的高速公路行进。 我们经过的加油站现在成了沉睡的巨型鼻涕虫的家，它们一边打鼾，一边啜饮着汽油。 走了很长一段路，约翰尼·史蒂夫一直在说话。 他解释说：“能和一个真正的人类聊天，我真是太激动了！” “我之前的沟通尝试并不顺利。”

"That was a zombie," I say. "You've been talking to zombies." It turns out, though, that Johnny Steve doesn't actually much care what I think about human life. Instead, HE wants to tell ME about being human. He rattles off a list of his favorite human facts.... 1.) Humans can breathe underwater, but they choose not to (because of the odor).

“那是一只僵尸，”我说。 “你一直在和僵尸说话。” 但事实证明，约翰尼·史蒂夫其实并不太在乎我对人生的看法。 相反，他想告诉我做人的道理。 他滔滔不绝地说出他最喜欢的人类事实.... 1)。人类可以在水下呼吸，但他们选择不这样做（因为气味）。

2.) Humans didn't always have hair. However, they were cursed by a magical being known as the Hair Bear and humans now have too much hair. No more feathers or scales. Also, the Hair Bear lives in North Dakota in a beautiful motorhome. 3.) "The most famous human in the history of human history" is a wizard named Barry Potter. "Okay, hold up!" I say. This guy can mangle human anatomy all day long—but I will not let him mess with HP. "It's HARRY Potter." Johnny Steve gives me a quizzical look. "Don't be ridiculous," he scoffs. "Harry Potter is a fictional wizard from a book!" "Wait. But, you said—"

2.） 人类并非一直都有头发。 然而，他们被一个被称为毛熊的神奇生物诅咒了，现在人类的头发太多了。 没有羽毛和鳞片。 另外，毛熊住在北达科他州的一辆漂亮的房车里。 3)。“人类历史上最有名的人”是一个叫巴里·波特的巫师。 “好吧，等等！”我说。这家伙可以整天把人体解剖学搞得一团糟——但我不会让他搅乱惠普。 “是哈利·波特。”约翰尼·史蒂夫不解地看了我一眼。 “别傻了，”他嘲笑道。 “哈利·波特是书中虚构的巫师！””等。 可是，你说过——”

Harry Potter's cousin, very Potter is very real and very famous. He works the morning shift at a subway sandwich shop outside of Sheboygan. I regret every single choice I've made today. "Also," I add, getting a little peeved, "I AM a human! So you don't need to explain human stuff to me. Don't you think I'd know if I could breathe underwater? No human can. Except for Kevin Costner. And I don't know what that means, but I heard Jack say it once in his sleep."

哈利波特的表弟，非常波特非常真实，非常有名。 他在希博伊根外的一家地铁三明治店上早班。 我后悔今天所做的每一个选择。 “还有，”我有点恼火地补充道，“我也是人！所以你不需要跟我解释人类的事。 你以为我不知道我能不能在水下呼吸吗？ 没有人可以。除了凯文·科斯特纳。 我不知道这是什么意思，但我听到杰克在睡梦中说过一次。”

"Oh, indeed!" Johnny Steve says. "No one can breathe underwater like Kevin Costner! He's top-notch! But you're certainly able. You just haven't tried hard enough." For a moment, I wonder if Neon had the right idea when he almost ate Johnny Steve's face. Now, though—Neon's in his own world. He's like the world's most untrained, out of control, harebrained puppy. He just keeps rushing ahead, eating stuff, breaking stuff, then hurrying back to us like, See? See what I did there? Did you see me eat that street sign? Wasn't that just AMAZING? "There," Johnny Steve says, interrupting my train of thought. He's pointing ahead. "We need to cross that to get the creature to his family." My heart sinks.

“哦,真的!”约翰尼·史蒂夫说。 “没有人能像凯文·科斯特纳那样在水下呼吸！”他是一流的!但你肯定有能力。 你只是还不够努力。” 有那么一刻，我怀疑氖的想法是否正确，他差点吃了约翰尼·史蒂夫的脸。 不过现在，氖在他自己的世界里。 他就像世界上最未经训练，最失控，最鲁莽的小狗。 他一直往前冲，吃东西，打碎东西，然后又冲回来，说，看到了吗？ 看到我做的了吗？你看到我吃那个路牌了吗？ 那不是很神奇吗？“好了，”约翰尼·史蒂夫打断了我的思路。 他指着前方。“我们需要穿过那条河，把那家伙带到他的家人那里。” 我的心一沉。