Chapter 12

chapter twelve Neon is on him in a flash, growling, talons pinning the monster to the ground. Neon's mouth is half-open, and pink-yellow saliva is dripping onto the creature's face. "Whoa!" I cry. "Neon, stop! We don't attack strangers!" "We HUG strangers!" Globlet says. I groan. "No, Globlet! Not that. DEFINITELY not that. No attacking, no hugging!" Neon sniffs the creature, then glances over at me—like he's asking if he can eat the thing. "That's a hard no, Neon," I say. Neon reluctantly retreats, allowing the monster to compose himself. The creature stands, brushes himself off, and I finally get to see him—really see him—for the first time. He

霓虹灯一闪扑向他，咆哮着，用爪子把怪物按倒在地。 Neon的嘴半张着，粉黄色的唾液滴在它的脸上。 “哇!”我哭了。“霓虹,停止!我们不攻击陌生人！”“我们拥抱陌生人！”Globlet说。 我呻吟。“不,Globlet !不是说。 绝对不是那样。不许攻击，不许拥抱！”霓虹嗅了嗅这个生物，然后看了我一眼，好像在问他能不能吃这个东西。 “这是一个很难拒绝的选择，Neon，”我说。 霓虹不情愿地退了回去，让怪物镇定下来。 这个生物站起来，把自己刷了一下，我终于看到了他——真正地看到了他——这是第一次。 他

vaguely resembles an oversized owl on his way to a beginner's magic class. Smarty Pant eyes carrying the contents of a small garage sale on his back goggles thicker than my grandma's reading classes. Unintentionally fashionable shawl. Suddenly, this oversized-owl dude breaks into a huge smile. "Oh-ho!" he exclaims, pointing a finger at me. "I know exactly what you are!"

有点像一只去上初级魔法课的超大猫头鹰。 聪明的裤子的眼睛背着一个小型车库甩卖的东西眼镜比我奶奶的阅读课还厚。 无意中时髦的披肩。 突然，这个超大猫头鹰的家伙露出了灿烂的笑容。 “噢——嗬！”他用手指着我喊道。 “我知道你是什么！”

"Confused?" I say. "Please! Remain still while I fetch my publications!" The owl-type monster dives back into the port-a-potty. I hear crashing and banging, like a bunch of pots and pans are having a wresting match. When he re-emerges, his goggles are on and he's balancing a huge stack of books. Neon apparently isn't amused by any of this— because he jogs off, sniffing and exploring. "I know it's in one of these..." says the owl dude, pushing the books forward, then lifting himself out of the port-a-potty. He riffles through the books, then stops and buries his beak in one. "Of course! I know from my expertise of this dimension that you are surely a... parakeet and a microwave, two earth-bound creatures known for their closely bonded relationship." "Nope. Human."

“迷惑?”我说。“请!别动，我去拿出版物！”猫头鹰型的怪物潜入了移动厕所。 我听到了撞击声，就像一堆锅碗瓢盆在进行摔跤比赛。 当他再次出现时，他戴着护目镜，正在平衡一大堆书。 霓虹显然对这一切都不感兴趣——因为他跑开了，嗅着，探索着。 “我知道它在其中一个……” 猫头鹰说，把书往前推，然后从移动厕所里爬了出来。 他把书翻了一遍，然后停下来，把嘴埋在其中一本书里。 “当然!根据我对这个维度的专业知识，我知道你肯定是一个… 长尾小鹦鹉和微波炉，两种以亲密关系而闻名的地球生物。” “不。人类。”

"And I'm Globlet. I'm not a microwave. Anymore." "Of course!" the owl barks. "That's what I said!" "You said parakeet and micro—" "No, you misheard. See, I don't want to brag," he says, in the tone of someone who is definitely about to brag, "but I am something of a human EXPERT. However, you are actually the first human I've met in the flesh!" "Ya don't say..." I manage. I might be hangry because I'm feeling extra impatient. "Ooh!" he exclaims, suddenly very excited. "Can we do the human thing?" I blink twice. "You knowww," he says. "The one with the hands!" I guess he means handshake? The only non-human I ever met who shook hands was Mr. Peppers, and that's only because we spent like seven months training him. And even

“我是环球球。我不是微波炉。 了。”“当然！”猫头鹰叫道。 “我就是这么说的！”“你说的是长尾小鹦鹉和微型——”“不，你听错了。 你看，我不想吹牛，”他说，用一种肯定要吹牛的语气，“但我是一个人类专家。 不过，你是我见到的第一个活生生的人！”“你不是说……” 我管理。我可能会饿怒，因为我感觉特别不耐烦。 “哦！”他惊叫一声，突然非常兴奋。 “我们能做人类的事吗？”我眨了两次眼。 “你知道的，”他说。“有双手的那个！”我猜他指的是握手？ 我见过的唯一会握手的非人类是辣椒先生，那是因为我们花了差不多七个月的时间训练他。 甚至

then you had to give him a bacon-flavored biscuit as a reward. I stick out my hand, then pause. "You wash your hands after using your... uh, home, right?" Too late— HELLO, HUMAN FINGERS. I AM JOHNNY. STEVE, WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES? "Okaaaay, that's enough of that!" I say, yanking my hand away. "And I'm sorry, did you say your name was Johnny Steve?"

然后你得给他一块培根味的饼干作为奖励。 我伸出手，然后停顿了一下。 “你用完你的…… 嗯，回家，对吧？”太迟了——你好，人类的手指。 我是约翰尼。史蒂夫，你们叫什么名字？ “好了，够了！”我说着，猛地抽回我的手。 “对不起，你刚才说你叫约翰尼·史蒂夫吗？”

The owl-type monster—Johnny Steve— nods enthusiastically. "I named myself so that I would fit in with any humans I encounter. I chose a name from your giant yellow books of telephone numbers!" "Aww man, I wanna name myself!" Globlet whines. "From now on, call me PATTYCAKE HAMBURGER JONES!" Johnny Steve bows graciously. "PLEASED TO MEET YOU, PATTYCAKE HAM—" "NOPE! NOPE! Shutting that down!" I say. "Globlet, you're Globlet. And sure—why not— you're Johnny Steve. I'm June. And this ferocious weirdo is Neon." Neon is busy poking his snout around Johnny Steve's port-a-potty. Glancing back, Johnny Steve explains. "You see, being a human expert," he says, "I chose to make my home in the place humans love most... THE TOILET. Did you know humans LOVE toilets? Even more than flowers, pizza, or the internet!"

猫头鹰型的怪物——约翰尼·史蒂夫——热情地点点头。 “我给自己起了名字，这样我就能和我遇到的任何一个人合得来。 我从你们的黄色电话簿里选了一个名字！”“天啊，我想给自己起名字！”Globlet发牢骚。 “从现在开始，叫我帕蒂蛋糕汉堡琼斯！”约翰尼·史蒂夫优雅地鞠了一躬。 “很高兴见到你，火腿馅饼——”“不！不!关掉它！”我说。 “Globlet，你是Globlet。当然——为什么不呢——你是约翰尼·史蒂夫。 我是6月。这个凶猛的怪人就是Neon。” 霓虹正忙着在约翰尼·史蒂夫的移动厕所里探鼻子。 回头看了一眼，约翰尼·史蒂夫解释道。 “你看，作为一个人类专家，”他说，“我选择在人类最喜欢的地方安家…… 厕所。你知道人类喜欢厕所吗？ 甚至比鲜花、披萨或互联网还要多！”