Chapter 4

chapter four this is not going as planned. I'm still unclear as to what exactly as planned would have looked like. So now here we stand, in front of Ghazt and Evie. Captured prisoners! It kinda feels like we got caught texting in class and now we gotta face the principal. But we're not just staring down a few days of detention—our dimension is at stake!

Ghazt's massive form leans forward. His mouth opens, and I think he's about to eat us— but instead he just burps. Evie looks embarrassed. Ghazt readjusts, getting a grip on his whole belly-gas-burp situation. "Argh—you!" he snarls, showering us with bits of cheesy spittle. "I should have taken my army and DESTROYED your little town when I had the chance." I lean over to June and whisper, "Time for Mission Operation: Project Maximum Jack Confidence." "Dude," June snarls. "If you say mission operation one more time—" "So here's the deal, bad dudes," I say, taking a relaxed step forward, channeling my inner cool-guy Kurt Russell. "Right now, this entire joint is surrounded by monster warriors. So, either you release us—or I give the signal. And you don't want that, 'cause our monster buddies haveitchy... um... itchy, uh... what's the—" "Itchy backs?" Quint asks.

"No. Not itchy backs. Itchy, uh—itchy trigger fingers! That's it!" "They mostly use swords and axes," June whispers. "Swords and axes don't have triggers." "Fine! Itchy ax fingers! Whatever! Bottom line—Evie, Ghazt—release us, now, or I'm calling in the monster cavalry." Wow, I really nailed that. That lie was so good that I almost believed it. Evie and Ghazt will never know it's a— "BLUFF!" Evie shouts. "That's a bluff!" She leans toward Ghazt and whispers, "He's bluffing. Classic bluff. Kid's got bluff all over his face." I scowl at Evie. She smiles in the most annoying way. Ghazt's tail slithers up and tickles his lip in thought. "Hmm. Bluff. Bluffing. Bluffin. Muffin." Ghazt's stomach grumbles, then he says, "Evie, do we have any more of those little mini muffins I like? The blueberry ones?"

Evie clenches her jaw. Bites back a sigh. "No, sir." I steal a quick glance to the side. Dirk's got his hands to his head, mashing the headphones hard against his skull. No question—we need to make our move now. Evie and Ghazt don't seem to be on the same page. Maybe we can use that against them. June picks up what I'm mentally throwing down—because she tilts her head and says, "Hey, Ghazt, if you're this big, bad, zombie- controlling general, how come Evie does all the talking while you just sit there on a big cheese throne?" In response, Ghazt slurps cheese from a hollowed-out bowling ball.

WHAT DID THEY SAY? I FORGOT TO LOOSEN. I WAS THINKING ABOUT cheese. Sigh. She implied you were a lazy Ghazt doesn't like that. He snarls, then his tail snaps through the air. I hear a hollow thunderclap sound—the sound of Ghazt exercising his control over the zombies.... Sure enough, the zombies begin to circle around us. Evie approaches. "Jack," she says. "You are unarmed. Bad move. I'm surprised you would show up without your precious blade...." I smile. "Y'know, Evie..."

that would have surprised me too. VOCAL RIP LEG BLADE. THAT'S RIGHT. GASP, I whip the blade around, pointing it at Evie and Ghazt. Evie frowns. "You hid your Little League sword in your pants?" "You bet I did," I say proudly. "That's weird, kid." "I'll tell you what's weird—you, ya weirdo, calling me weird! You're the weird one doing the weird worshipping! Now I hereby