Chapter 10

chapter ten Nineteen minutes later, prepare myself warrior friends For this shall be a battle, the likes of which ye have never seen. It is LAST CREATURE STANDING Back in town, I can't contain my excitement! We're throwing a real-life Battle Royale right here in Wakefield! Skaelka yells, "YES! Combat! Finally!"

Before I can explain the rules, there's a CLANG. And then another. The sound of real weapons. At the first mention of battle, the monsters are unsheathing interdimensional swords and brushing off monstrous maces! "WAIT! WAIT! HOLD UP!" I shout. "False alarm. Misunderstanding! Last Creatures Standing is a game!" Skaelka's confused. "You mean—no actual death battling?" "Um. No. No death battling," I say. "A little bit?" Skaelka asks. "Nope." "One or two bits?" "Zero bits, Skaelka. Zero bits." Skaelka grumbles. Monsters gripe. Thankfully, June saves the day. "The reason it's not a real battle," June says, "is because that would be too easy for you! This way—it'll be a challenge. A Big Gulp, behemoth-sized challenge." Skaelka's eyes go wide. "Skaelka likes a challenge. Not as much as Skaelka likes death

battling, but Skaelka will take what Skaelka can get." But some monsters aren't convinced. See, ever since the Monster-Human Olympics, our creature buddies have been crazy competitive. It's not enough to win—they need proof. "What prize does the victor receive?" one monster shouts. "Is it the large intestine of a kromlin, to be worn like a necklace?" one calls out. "Or is it the small intestine of a kromlin, to be worn like a bracelet?" another asks.

We're staring out at a sea of skeptical monster faces. Skaelka runs a finger along her ax and says, "What is this Tremors II that you speak of?" Quint looks at me, shrugs, and I decide to commit to the lie. "Oh," I say. "On Earth, Tremors II is like, um, the ultimate prize. Yeah. Only the most courageous warriors are honored with Tremors II. If you have a copy of Tremors II, you're basically THE ULTIMATE."

The monsters huddle up. There's a lot of whispered discussion. And then— THREEMOS II THREEMOS II THREEMOS II ON V.H.S.. They're gonna be so mad when they find out Kevin Bacon isn't even in that one.