Chapter 9

Chapter Nine "Guys," I say. "You're not going to believe this!" This joint isn't creepy—it's a geek's dream come true! It's my dream come true. It's dusty and it's cramped and it's filled to the brim with geek stuff. I spot cases crammed with comic and cinematic collectibles! The actual outfit that Batman wore in the movie from 1989! A Ghostbusters marshmallow man model! Even the Villainess's bathroom is loaded with reproduction movie cannons and blasters, and the walls are covered with swords, axes, and blades. And also toilet paper 'cause, y'know, she is a human... This is a lifetime's worth of MAJOR collecting. It's a museum. Her own, personal museum. Quint peeks his head in the window. "Is it safe?" he asks. "I'm not sure if it's safe," I say, "but I am sure it's awesome. Get in here, gang!"

第九章“伙计们，”我说。 “你不会相信的！”这个地方一点也不恐怖——它是极客梦想成真的地方！这是我的梦想成真。 它满是灰尘，很狭窄，里面塞满了极客的东西。 我发现箱子里塞满了漫画和电影收藏品！蝙蝠侠在1989年电影中穿的衣服！一个捉鬼敢死队的棉花糖人模型！就连女反派的浴室里也堆满了复制电影中的大炮和爆破枪，墙上挂满了剑、斧头和刀片。 还有卫生纸，因为，你知道，她是人类…… 这是值得一生珍藏的重要收藏品。 这是一个博物馆。她自己的私人博物馆。 昆特从窗户里探出头来。 “安全吗？”他问。“我不确定它是否安全，”我说，“但我确信它很棒。 快进来，伙计们！”

A moment later... I can't lie. This is pretty cool. These are authentic movie props And high quality gaming replicas! There's no sign of the Villainess, Evie Snark. And honestly, I'm so totally overwhelmed by how cool this is that, for a moment, I forget about her. We all do. My buddies are instantly yanking things off walls and shelves.

过了一会儿……我不能撒谎。 这很酷。这些是真实的电影道具和高质量的游戏复制品！没有恶女巫的踪迹，伊薇·斯纳克。 说实话，我完全被这太酷了，有那么一刻，我忘记了她。 我们都是这样。我的朋友们立刻从墙上和架子上扯下东西。

"Dudes," I say, "we've stumbled upon an oasis of nerd awesomeness." "It's the holy grail of geekiness," Quint says, in the most serious voice I've ever heard. Look Marty Mcfly's Cassio calculator. Watch from back to the future I'm trembling—partly from how excited I am by this geek collection, and partly from the ice water in my underwear. But those icy undies make me

“伙计们，”我说，“我们偶然发现了一个令人敬畏的宅男绿洲。” “这是极客的圣杯，”昆特用我听过的最严肃的语气说。 看马蒂·麦克弗莱的卡西欧计算器。 展望未来，我在颤抖——部分是因为我对这个极客系列的兴奋，部分是因为我内衣里的冰水。 但那些冰冷的内裤让我

realize—we don't need to be freezing our butts off, looking like bootleg monster slayers, as we stomp around Wakefield. Now we can dress for the winter like heroes. "Guys, look around!" I say. "Do you realize what we can do with this stuff? Forget our lame old sweaters and ziplock not-quite-waterproof socks. We can build our own winter action outfits!" "Huh?" Dirk grunts. "We're basically post-apocalyptic action heroes!" I go on. "So we need to dress like it! We need to UPGRADE!" "A major costume change is a very big deal," Quint says. "A very big awesome deal!" I say. "You know how whenever a new Batman movie or a new X-Men movie comes out and Entertainment Weekly has, like, nineteen pages about the new costumes? That'll be us! Like: Jack, June, Quint, Dirk—check out what these heroic awesome people are wearing this season!" I stop to picture my dream winter action costume. I glance at Quint—and I know we're both

我明白了，我们没必要在韦克菲尔德到处乱逛的时候，冻得屁滚滚打，看起来像个非法的怪物杀手。 现在我们可以穿得像英雄一样过冬了。 “伙计们，看看四周！”我说。 “你知道我们可以用这些东西做什么吗？” 忘掉我们的旧毛衣和不怎么防水的拉链袜子吧。 我们可以制作自己的冬季运动服！”“嗯?”德克咕哝。 “我们基本上是后世界末日的动作英雄！”我继续说。 “所以我们要穿得像它！”我们需要升级！”昆特说：“服装的重大变化是一件大事。 “一笔了不起的大买卖！”我说。 “你知道每当一部新的《蝙蝠侠》电影或一部新的《x战警》电影上映时，《娱乐周刊》就会用19页的篇幅来介绍新服装吗？” 那就是我们！比如：杰克、琼、昆特、德克——看看这些英雄们这一季都穿了什么！”我停下来想象我梦想中的冬季动作服装。 我瞥了昆特一眼——我知道我们都是

thinking the same thing.... Hans Solo on Ho Han Solo on Hoh. "I dig it," June says. And with that we get to work.... I'm stepping into a pair of Batman pants when I stumble into a glass display case. Inside is a replica Assassin's Creed wrist-dagger gizmo—and I realize something else. This is TOTALLY the place where I can put June's Christmas gift over the top! Her gift is almost complete—but now I can make it perfect.

我也这么想.... 汉斯·索罗在嗬，汉斯·索罗在嗬。 “我喜欢，”琼说。有了这些，我们开始工作.... 我正要穿上蝙蝠侠的裤子，却被一个玻璃陈列柜绊倒了。 里面是一个复制的刺客信条腕匕首小玩意——我意识到了别的东西。 这绝对是我可以把June的圣诞礼物放上去的地方！她的礼物几乎已经完成了——但现在我可以让它更完美。

Because any movie or gaming or comic book weapon used for fighting bad dudes also works for battling giant monsters. I can almost picture June now... My June-as-battle-mage thoughts are interrupted by Dirk and Quint. They've found replica Harry Potter wands and are having a wizard's duel, which turns into a game of Muggle baseball when Quint hurls a Golden Snitch at Dirk.

因为任何电影，游戏或漫画书中用于对抗坏人的武器也适用于对抗巨型怪物。 我几乎可以想象六月的样子了…… 德克和昆特打断了我对琼作为战斗法师的思考。 他们找到了哈利波特魔杖的复制品，正在进行一场巫师决斗，昆特向德克扔了一个金色飞贼，这场决斗变成了一场麻瓜棒球比赛。