Chapter 9

Chapter Nine "Guys," I say. "You're not going to believe this!" This joint isn't creepy—it's a geek's dream come true! It's my dream come true. It's dusty and it's cramped and it's filled to the brim with geek stuff. I spot cases crammed with comic and cinematic collectibles! The actual outfit that Batman wore in the movie from 1989! A Ghostbusters marshmallow man model! Even the Villainess's bathroom is loaded with reproduction movie cannons and blasters, and the walls are covered with swords, axes, and blades. And also toilet paper 'cause, y'know, she is a human... This is a lifetime's worth of MAJOR collecting. It's a museum. Her own, personal museum. Quint peeks his head in the window. "Is it safe?" he asks. "I'm not sure if it's safe," I say, "but I am sure it's awesome. Get in here, gang!"

A moment later... I can't lie. This is pretty cool. These are authentic movie props And high quality gaming replicas! There's no sign of the Villainess, Evie Snark. And honestly, I'm so totally overwhelmed by how cool this is that, for a moment, I forget about her. We all do. My buddies are instantly yanking things off walls and shelves.

"Dudes," I say, "we've stumbled upon an oasis of nerd awesomeness." "It's the holy grail of geekiness," Quint says, in the most serious voice I've ever heard. Look Marty Mcfly's Cassio calculator. Watch from back to the future I'm trembling—partly from how excited I am by this geek collection, and partly from the ice water in my underwear. But those icy undies make me

realize—we don't need to be freezing our butts off, looking like bootleg monster slayers, as we stomp around Wakefield. Now we can dress for the winter like heroes. "Guys, look around!" I say. "Do you realize what we can do with this stuff? Forget our lame old sweaters and ziplock not-quite-waterproof socks. We can build our own winter action outfits!" "Huh?" Dirk grunts. "We're basically post-apocalyptic action heroes!" I go on. "So we need to dress like it! We need to UPGRADE!" "A major costume change is a very big deal," Quint says. "A very big awesome deal!" I say. "You know how whenever a new Batman movie or a new X-Men movie comes out and Entertainment Weekly has, like, nineteen pages about the new costumes? That'll be us! Like: Jack, June, Quint, Dirk—check out what these heroic awesome people are wearing this season!" I stop to picture my dream winter action costume. I glance at Quint—and I know we're both

thinking the same thing.... Hans Solo on Ho Han Solo on Hoh. "I dig it," June says. And with that we get to work.... I'm stepping into a pair of Batman pants when I stumble into a glass display case. Inside is a replica Assassin's Creed wrist-dagger gizmo—and I realize something else. This is TOTALLY the place where I can put June's Christmas gift over the top! Her gift is almost complete—but now I can make it perfect.

Because any movie or gaming or comic book weapon used for fighting bad dudes also works for battling giant monsters. I can almost picture June now... My June-as-battle-mage thoughts are interrupted by Dirk and Quint. They've found replica Harry Potter wands and are having a wizard's duel, which turns into a game of Muggle baseball when Quint hurls a Golden Snitch at Dirk.