Chapter 6

Chapter Six Quint wakes me up and I groan. "Dude, I was in the middle of a dream! I was in a big field and I was riding Rover and I was swinging the Louisville Slicer and it was warm and I had a cool mustache. Can you just let me go back to sleep?"

But Quint says, "I think I know how to find the Villainess." "SAY WHAT?" I instantly leap to my feet. Quint smiles and holds up the card that the Villainess dropped. I completely forgot about it! "It's a library card!" Quint says. "We can get her name at the library! And maybe her address!" "And that'll lead us to her. And to the Louisville Slicer!" I say. "LET'S DO THIS." I try to gather the squad—but they're busy. June is plotting how best to explain Christmas to the monsters. "I don't want it to be lousy like the fishing or the snowmen or ice skating," she explains. "I want to introduce them to Christmas so perfectly that they have to love it." Meanwhile, Dirk is working on Big Mama. Who knows why he's bothering. We already know it can't make it all the way to New York until the snow passes. Maybe he's polishing it or putting on some cool spinning rims or something. It's all good, though, 'cause now it'll be a... CLASSIC QUINT & JACK DUO ESCAPADE!

Quint has invented a way for us to get there. See, Rover does not like the snow. He's got sensitive paws or something. So Quint reveals... The winter HOVERBOARD! It's super rad. But I don't know why these things are called hoverboards. There is ZERO HOVERING. I've seen Back to the Future Part II and I know that a hoverboard is supposed to legit hover. This is a rolling balance thing. But, regardless—it's pretty awesome. Only problem, despite Quint's winterizing modifications, it's still a little slippery...

—We arrive bruised and cold—and not eager to use hoverboards again. The library is an old building that's awesome, but also creepy. It was built in, like, the 1800s. I

don't know if you're good with dates and stuff like I am—but that's a long time ago. I scan for danger. I see none. I hear none. But I'm a post-apocalyptic action hero, so I know that doesn't mean there is none. "Steel yourself, Quint," I growl, as we roll toward the entrance. "Probably all manner of terror awaiting us." BAM. ALL right. Undead librarians. Zombie old folks trying to figure out the internet and monster-sized bookworms-Prepare to meet our fists or not,

We are greeted by zero undead librarians, no zombie old folks attempting to "surf the web," and no monster-sized bookworms, snakes, caterpillars, or Wormungulouses. "The coast is clear," Quint says. "So I'm getting to work!" He hops off his hoverboard and quickly goes behind the front desk. "I can't believe I'm getting a peek behind the library counter!" he says giddily. "It's a dream come true!" This is the stuff that gets my buddy excited. See, before I moved to Wakefield, Quint had zero friends. After I moved to Wakefield, he had one friend. (That friend was me, in case you were having trouble following the math.) But during those years where Quint had zero friends—he spent his time at the library. Libraries are awesome like that. They should have that Statue of Liberty sign out front—y'know, give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to read graphic novels. Libraries rule because everyone's welcome!