Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen I'm frozen for a moment. Then I'm unstuck, running up to the tree house ice ball cannon launcher. I need to fight back. I need to stop her! But it's too late. Evie and Meathook are gone, disappeared into the snow. Back downstairs. Moving quick. My hands slam the table. My voice jumps and spikes and it doesn't even sound like me. "Bardle, how do we fix Dirk? Just tell me." Bardle's face is blank. He doesn't know. I can see it. "There's nothing I can do. There's too little time."

I'm sorry, Bartle, but that answer won't work. Our friend is going to be a zombie. Also, he's going to be used in an ancient ritual to open a portal and bring cosmic evil to Earth. But mostly the zombie thing. We need to stop Dirk from turning Zombie! Bardle brushes past me to the chalkboard I tookfrom the elementary school months earlier. Ourmap of Wakefield is taped there. Bardle points a long, thin finger at the map. June leans forward. "The Christmas tree farm?" she asks. "Huh? I don't even know what that is," I say.

"It's where people could go and chop down their own Christmas trees. Before the Monster Apocalypse," Quint says. "Before you could simply grab whatever tree you liked, as we did." "There's a creature there who perhaps could help," Bardle says. "A monster named Warg." "Warg..." I repeat. I'm thinking back to our ice fishing failure. "Wait, Skaelka mentioned a Warg! Oh, man, we don't have to, like, slay this creature, do we? Like, because Warg's green monster blood cures zombieness or something?" For a second, I think Bardle is going to laugh. But this isn't any sort of moment for laughing. "Slay her?" Bardle asks. "Oh, no, you will not slay her—I promise you that. You could not if you tried." "Skaelka said Warg was 'One not in the community,'" June comments. "'One that does not matter.'" "Did you guys kick her out?" I ask Bardle. Bardle scoffs. "She exiled herself. She has no interest in contributing to our community. For that

reason, I do not think she will help you. But—she is your only chance." I nod. We're desperate. And when you're desperate, your only chance is the chance you take. —The monsters watch us leave town. Their heads are rolled back, skyward. That's like the monster version of sad head-hanging. I learned that when I mistakenly knocked over our milkshake tower. Bardle stops us at the edge of town. "You should know..." Bardle says, "based on the size of Dirk's bite, he has three Earth hours. After that, he will no longer be Dirk. He will no longer be your friend. He will no longer be human...." Quint reaches down and sets a timer on his Back to the Future watch. It beeps. Three hours to save our friend's life...

Then we'll just have to be quick. The Christmas tree farm is beyond the train tracks. A thin layer of frost covers every inch of ground. We stomp in, following a winding path through the woods. Up ahead, beyond the fir trees, I can make out a big red barn. Its doors are just barely open. We approach a metal fence covered in ice. I grab hold and shake it. Ice cracks. Normally, Dirk would just rip through this. But we don't have that help now. Instead, we climb over it. Land hard. Feet crunching on icy grass Quint looks at me. "We need Warg's help. Don't forget. Just help. Nothing else, Jack!"

I frown. "Why do I feel like that comment was intended for me?" "Because I was staring at you when I said it and the last word in the comment was Jack." "What he means," June says, "is that we don't need to get into a whole big monster battle, here. Just find out how to save Dirk—and get out. Don't go instigating!" I roll my eyes. "I don't instigate. When have I ever instigated a big monster battle?" June cocks her head. "Jack..."