Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen Meathook barrels into the Town Square. I see something hanging from either side of him. Two huge boxes... Squinting, I see they are massive blue metal Dumpsters. They dangle and scrape the side of the creature. A headlight shines from Meathook's head. I shield my eyes, squinting. The monster stops. The spotlight is now a searchlight. A moment later, with a loud KA-KLANG, the Dumpsters fall to the ground. Zombies come streaming out of them!

go. My children feast Two dozen zombies instantly fill the Town Square! Chaos comes with them. June snarls, "Getting tired of these guys. I'm taking the high ground. Meet me at the tree house." "And I'm going to try out some knuckle attacks," Dirk says, flexing his wrist. "Courtesy of Evie Snark and her dork collection." The sound of monster battle cries rings out— snarling and barking and heavy growls. Some of our monster friends wield weapons from their dimension, while others simply hurl the zombies.

"DON'T BEAT ON THE ZOMBIES TOO BAD!" I shout. "It's not their fault they're zombies!" Suddenly, Quint wheels toward me. "Jack! Remember our identical costume ideas from The Empire Strikes Back?!" "Yes," I say, and then I finish his thought, 'cause that's what best buddies can do. "Of course! We'll take out Evie and Meathook just like the rebels took out the Empire AT-ATs!" "Rover!" Quint shouts out. "Come here, furry friend!" An instant later, Rover is charging around the corner. I grab his hide and pull myself into his armored seat. And I stub my toe. It's weird: end of the world, you don't think stubbing your toe would be a thing anymore. But it is. Rover's butt plops into the snow, allowing Quint to scramble up onto the back. "Reach into Rover's saddlebag!" I say. "I've got my supercharged T-shirt blaster in there!" Rover races past our Christmas tree. I reach out and snag a long string of lights. The bulbs tink and clink as they bang together.

"Quint!" I shout excitedly. "This is totally like The Empire Strikes Back! We've got snow and everything. I'm Luke, steering the ship. And you're like Dak, firing the tow cable!" Quint's response is short and not-so-sweet. "Dak dies, Jack." Oh. Right. In that case... Never mind. This is nothing like the Empire Strikes back. Not at all. Now fire that lightbulb. Harpoon cable buddy. Icy water mixes with sweat and pours down my face. This enemy is inside our town. I scowl and urge Rover on, charging full-throttle. The monster's legs are like an obstacle in a racing game—just need to thread the needle. I feel

Quint bouncing in the seat, shaking the saddle. "Steady the harpoon!" I shout. "I'm making a pass!" Rover runs harder, we're bursting through Meathook's legs, and I hear Quint fire... I glance back. I see the string of lights snapping in the air and then—THWACK!—the harpoon slams into Meathook's scaly hide.

"Great shot, Quint!" I shout, and then I'm jerking on Rover's reins, steering him around the rear of the huge monster. I smile, thinking, Wait until that evil geek Evie realizes she was defeated by Star Wars tactics! Rover whoops. The string of lights circles and tightens. Meathook's next step is an awkward lurch. Snow erupts as his hand thumps the street. "The monster's legs are totally tangled!" I shout. "It's gonna fall!" Everyone braces themselves. But this isn't Star Wars. This is just a dumb Jack Sullivan plan. Meathook simply steps through the string of lights, and— POP! POP POP. The bulbs shatter, then— RIP! Our bootleg harpoon cord tears. "Foiled!" Quint yells. The T-shirt cannon is jerked from his hands. It flies past me. Then the string of lights circles around me. My butt's jerked from the seat. "Not good!" I shout as I spin and twirl. My stomach flips as Meathook's head jerks, whipping me around. I get a glimpse of snow, and