Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen You think I'm scared right now? Well, I'm not. You seem to have me confused with someone who's scared of giant monsters. FIGHTING GIANT MONSTERS IS BASICALLY MY NUMBER ONE HOBBY. That's a lie. I am very much scared.

第十六章你以为我现在害怕吗？ 好吧，我不是。你好像把我和一个害怕巨型怪物的人搞混了。 打巨怪基本上是我的头号爱好。 那是个谎言。我非常害怕。

I need to make something clear: I am not trained to be an adventurer. I always dreamed of being one, sure. The same way you might dream about playing quarterback for the New York Giants—even though you are IN NO WAY QUALIFIED TO PLAY QUARTERBACK FOR THE NEW YORK GIANTS. And in that same vein, I am IN NO WAY QUALIFIED TO HANDLE DANGLING FROM THE TALONS OF A FLYING MONSTER! Craning my neck, I watch Fun Land shrink away as the King Wretch whisks me through the sky. I get a quick glimpse of my friends atop the Thunder Coaster. They'd better get that radio fixed, or this was all for nothing. The monster plunges, and I just about swallow my tongue. I look down between my dangling feet. We're, like, sixty feet above the ground. If I fall? Pancake-splattered-Jack-death action. And I mean, I love pancakes—chocolate chip with whipped cream, extra butter, mountains of warm maple syrup—but I have zero interest in any pancake-splattered-Jack-death action.

我需要澄清一点：我没有被训练成一个冒险家。 当然，我一直梦想成为一名医生。 同样的道理，你可能会梦想成为纽约巨人队的四分卫——即使你根本没有资格成为纽约巨人队的四分卫。 同样的道理，我根本没有资格应付被一只飞行怪物的爪子吊着的事情！我伸长脖子，看着“欢乐之地”渐渐消失，而“可怜虫之王”带着我飞过天空。 我在雷霆过山车上瞥了一眼我的朋友。 他们最好把那台收音机修好，否则就白忙活了。 怪物往下沉，我差点把舌头吞下去。 我从晃来晃去的两脚间往下看。 我们离地面大概六十英尺高。 如果我摔倒了？Pancake-splattered-Jack-death行动。 我的意思是，我喜欢煎饼——巧克力片加鲜奶油，额外的黄油，大量的热枫糖浆——但我对任何煎饼溅杰克死亡的动作都不感兴趣。

We're approaching Comically Speaking. The comic book store is ravaged. Entire walls have collapsed, and it's surrounded by piles of rubble. And there's something else. Two parallel lines of monsters stand in front of the store. I can't quite make out what brand of monsters these dudes are, but the stench of evil is extra strong. I narrow my eyes, trying to figure out what exactly I'm looking at. Just as things are coming into focus, I hear my hoodie tear, the fabric splitting, and then—

我们正在接近，滑稽地说。 漫画书店被洗劫一空。 整面墙都倒塌了，周围都是碎石。 还有一件事。 商店前面站着两排平行的怪物。 我看不出这些家伙是什么怪物，但邪恶的气味特别强烈。 我眯起眼睛，试图弄清楚我到底在看什么。 就在一切变得清晰的时候，我听到我的卫衣撕裂了，面料裂开了，然后

RIP! I plummet downward for a short moment, and then all I feel is PAINFUL AWFUL TREE-LIMBBREAKING- SMASHING ON MY BONES! And that is my least favorite bone sensation! I crash into a maple tree, then pinball from branch to branch, wood snapping and cracking. I ricochet into the crook of the tree, and then I'm swinging and splatting to the grass below.

把!我往下坠了一小会儿，然后我只感到非常痛苦，我的骨头被折断了。这是我最不喜欢的骨头感觉！我撞到一棵枫树上，然后弹球般地从一根树枝飞到另一根树枝上，木头噼啪作响。 我弹跳到树的弯曲处，然后我荡来荡去，溅到下面的草地上。

I heave and heave, and at last I scoop up the Louisville Slicer. I shakily get to my feet. It takes a moment for my eyes to focus—but when they do, I realize why we haven't seen any Winged Wretches recently. They've been here. All of them. I'm looking at a full horde of Winged Wretches. They stand at attention, like castle guards. But they're staring at me—and I get no sense that they want to attack me or keep me away. What kind of guard doesn't try to keep enemies out? No, these Winged Wretches are here for a different reason. They're not guards at all—they're like some sort of nightmarish welcoming committee. But welcoming me to what? The King Wretch? I don't see him. After he dropped me, he disappeared. But... Hmm... Yes. Yes. I smell him. His odor is permeating the air, seeping through the crumbling walls. And I realize: He's inside Comically Speaking.

我翻啊翻，终于把路易斯维尔切片机捞了起来。 我摇摇晃晃地站了起来。我的眼睛花了一点时间才集中注意力，但当他们集中注意力时，我意识到为什么我们最近没有看到任何有翼的可怜虫。 他们来过这里。所有的。 我看到的是一大群带翅膀的坏蛋。 他们立正站着，就像城堡守卫。 但他们一直盯着我，我感觉不到他们想攻击我或把我赶走。 什么样的守卫不把敌人挡在外面？ 不，这些带翅膀的可怜虫来这里另有目的。 他们根本不是警卫，他们就像某种噩梦般的欢迎委员会。 但是欢迎我去哪？可怜虫国王？ 我没看见他。他扔下我后就消失了。 但是…嗯…是。是。我闻到他的味道了。 他的气味弥漫在空气中，穿过摇摇欲坠的墙壁。 然后我意识到：他在《滑稽地说》里面。

I could run. But I won't. And I think the King Wretch knows that. At this point, I must get answers. I will do whatever it takes to make sure the horrors of the latest vision don't come true. So I wrap my fingers tight around my blade and I walk forward... The Winged Wretches do not move. I hear only my sneakers on the snapping autumn leaves. I feel

我可以跑。但我不会。我想混蛋王知道这一点。 在这一点上，我必须得到答案。 我会不惜一切代价确保最新的恐怖景象不会成为现实。 所以我用手指紧紧抱住刀刃，向前走…… 有翼的可怜虫不动。 我只听到我的球鞋踩在秋叶上的声音。 我觉得