Chapter 12

chapter twelve We just pulled off an epic getaway from the monster- dimension police, and it feels like victory—but only for a moment. Not only are Wracksaw and his minions after us, but those enforcers put a bounty on our heads. The entire dimension is hunting us. Although, apparently, that's nothing new for our little pink friend... "Globlet, you are a serious CRIMINAL in this dimension?" I exclaim. Though, honestly, I'm only about 81 percent shocked by this revelation. "I'm not a serious criminal!" she says. "I'm a jokey criminal. I steal from the rich and give to—" "The poor?" I ask, hopefully. "No. I give to the rich, too. It confuses everyone!" "Your rap sheet was pretty extensive," Quint notes, proceeding to recite from memory everything on Globlet's WANTED alert... WANTED! DIABOLICAL CRIMINAL

MASTERMIND Identity Theft of the Nameless One Mowing a Public Lawn Without Prior Authorization Selling Counterfeit Countertops Using a Child's Kite as a Getaway Vehicle Cheating at Monopoly (rezzoch Edition) Refusing to Apologize for Cheating at Monopoly (All Editions) Daring Daylight Robbery in the Realm of Endless Darkness DJing Without a License Scratching and Sniffing Scratch 'N' Sniff Stickers Prior to Purchase Claiming, Without Evidence, to Have Invented the Word Funky Misrepresenting Self as a Small-Town Lawyer with a Hear of Gold Tooting in a Crowded Room Ruining 219 Surprise Parties Planning and Organizing a Complex Jewelry Heist, then Oversleeping on Day of Heist

As admittedly fascinating as Globlet's criminal history is, we've got to keep our eyes on the prize: Shuggoth and the Hidden City. Globlet reaches for the taxi's GPS—which is actually a brain in a jar—and turns a dial. A map begins to grow, spreading out across the windshield like frost on a cold day. Words flash, and Globlet harrumphs. "Hidden City not found," the map says before it disappears. Before I can react to this latest setback, there's a loud ZAP and Quint shrieks. I spin around. In the back seat, Quint is waving one hand in the air, blowing on it. "All is well!" he says. "Just a minor shock." Something is laid out on his lap, in pieces—he's been tinkering with it. Quint tinkering is nothing new, but my

heart sinks when I realize what this is: his conjurer's cannon. Quint's cannon is a powerful tool, which gives him, like, real-deal wizard powers. It lets him wield monster-dimension science—which, to us, looks a whole lot like magic. "What happened?" I ask, eyeing the dismantled weapon. It takes him a long moment to answer. It broke when we came through the ripped hair. "Technically—" Globlet starts to say, but Quint shoots her a look, and she zips her lips. He must be

pretty upset about his busted cannon—or embarrassed. "Hey, it's OK. I dropped the Slicer when that tentacle grabbed me," I say. "We journey into another dimension, we both drop our weapons. Great heroes, huh?" "The cannon will work again," Quint says confidently. I hope he's right. It's clear we're gonna need all the help we can get to make it to the Hidden City. And that's if we can find it. Which—without GPS—is again feeling nearly impossible. It's not as if we can just pull over and ask someone where it is since, y'know, we're wanted criminals. "GOT IT!" Globlet says. Huh? I turn back to find Globlet hanging off the dashboard, gnawing at the GPS brain with her teeth. The brain swirls in the jar, changing colors, and the map spreads across the windshield again. This time, there's a big blinking symbol in the upper-right corner. "There ya go," Globlet says, tapping the glass. "Hidden City." "But—how did—?" "You don't get the name Globlet the Shortcut Shorty without hacking the occasional GPS," Globlet says,

strutting proudly across the dash. "It's not gonna be a cupcake walk, though..." She begins pointing to other symbols on the map, listing the many obstacles we're likely to encounter. "Death pit. Snake pit. Peach pit. Dead Guy Gulch. Desert of Eighty-Seven Sinkholes. The Weird River Crossing. And worst of all is this stretch here," she says. "A full day's journey—with no bathrooms." "So, what are we waiting for?" Quint asks, leaning forward and flashing me an enthusiastic double thumbs- up. OK, then. The path is perilous, but we have a destination. And it feels good. "Just hop on that speed pass up there, and we can get this party started," Globlet says, pointing to a barely visible road beyond a glowing, hairy guardrail. I nudge the bone-shift, and Seabiscuit jerks back, rearing up on two fingers, like a cockroach just skittered past. Globlet groans. "I said hop, Jack. HOP. Y'know, like, jump." My eyeballs roll so hard I can actually feel them scraping against the sockets. "I thought this was the monster dimension, not the super-literal dimension," I mutter, then tug the bone-shift up and shove it forward in one herky-jerky movement.