Chapter 9

chapter nine So, here's my problem— There's no real way to practice climbing a monstrous cliffside—especially when the only thing you've ever climbed before was the fifth-grade jungle gym. And double-especially when the only thing you know about the cliff you've gotta climb is that it's supposedly unclimbable. But I gotta do something. Everybody else is busy preparing for the big Mission Operation: Break the Fortress. Though most of Dirk's time is spent chasing after Drooler...

所以，这就是我的问题——没有真正的方法来练习攀登一个巨大的悬崖——尤其是当你以前唯一攀登过的东西是五年级的攀爬架。 尤其是当你唯一知道的关于你要爬的悬崖的事情就是它被认为是不可爬的。 但我得做点什么。其他人都在忙着准备大任务行动：打破堡垒。 虽然德克的大部分时间都花在追逐流口水上……

So I head off in search of a cliff to test out. A small one. Like, y'know, a starter cliff. But it ends up not being a cliff at all. I'm halfway up the side when the cliff stands and I realize it's actually a giant rock monster. So I'm left stuck, dangling from this boulder beast, while it goes on a freaking leisurely five-hour afternoon hike... Excuse me, sir. I'd like to get down. Now.

所以我开始寻找悬崖进行测试。 一个小的。就像，你知道的，一个开始的悬崖。 但它最终并不是一个悬崖。 当我爬到半山腰时，悬崖立了起来，我意识到这实际上是一个巨大的岩石怪物。 所以我被困住了，悬在这只巨兽身上，而它却在下午悠闲地徒步旅行了五个小时…… 对不起，先生。我想下来。 现在。

The monster walks about three more miles before I'm finally able to slide off. I'm headed back into camp, exhausted, when— "HEADS UP!" June calls, speeding past me. "Geez, June, where's the fire?" I call. "It's about to start," she shouts, turning as she runs to flash me a mischievous smile. I realize she's carrying a cardboard box and wearing huge science- class safety goggles. "I'm beginning Fortress Breaker tests if you wanna watch!" Um, yeah, duh. "So, what exactly are you testing?" I shout, chasing after her. "Conjurer thingamabobs! Each one chock-full of other-dimensional destructive energy!" she calls. Then, by way of explanation, she says, "I paid a little visit to our local conjurer..."

怪物又走了大约三英里，我才终于滑了下来。 我正筋疲力尽地回营地，这时——“小心！”琼从我身边疾驰而过。 “天哪，琼，火在哪儿？”我的电话。 “马上就要开始了，”她喊道，一边跑一边转过身来给我一个调皮的微笑。 我意识到她拿着一个纸板箱，戴着巨大的科学级安全护目镜。 “如果你想看的话，我要开始《堡垒破坏者》测试了！”嗯，是的，废话。 “那么，你到底在测试什么？”我喊着，追着她。 “魔术师某人!每一个都充满了其他维度的破坏性能量！”她喊道。 然后，作为解释，她说：“我拜访了一下我们当地的魔术师……”

Hey, here's a question for you. We need to blow up that bad guy Fortress-which puts me in the market for a magic energy bomb. What do you have in a size big? I have a variety of curios, knickknacks and enchantment infused-brick-a-Brac, but your quest will require these great monsters through history. Micro-figures. Wait, these are blind-box toys You guys have those in your dimension. Oh yes, we love them. Purchasing an item without knowing what's inside, forcing one to pay over and over until they get the item they truly want is joyous, fun.

嘿，我有个问题要问你。 我们得炸掉那个坏家伙堡垒，这样我就需要一个神奇的能量炸弹了。 你们有大号的吗？ 我有各种各样的古玩，小玩意和魔法注入的砖-a- brac，但你的任务将需要这些伟大的怪物通过历史。 Micro-figures。等等，这些是盲盒玩具你们的次元里有。 哦，是的，我们爱他们。在不知道里面是什么东西的情况下购买一件物品，强迫一个人一遍又一遍地付钱，直到他们得到自己真正想要的东西，这是一种快乐和乐趣。

Okay, so what's this one do? Don't know what any of them do. You never know until you crack one open crack open a few at once and they do stuff together. So how do I know which combination? We're enough? Y'know, boom to take down that fortress just start mixing and matching you'll quickly learn what sort of destructions you can create. Cheers to defeating Evil Boo. Okay, there's one destruction I can create.

好的，这个是做什么的？ 我不知道他们是干什么的。 你永远不会知道，直到你打开一个，打开几个，他们一起做事情。 我怎么知道是哪个组合呢？ 我们够了吗?你知道，轰隆隆地摧毁堡垒，开始混合和匹配，你很快就会知道你可以创造什么样的破坏。 为打败恶布而干杯。 好吧，我可以制造一种破坏。

That's all too much for me to process, so I just say, "This sounds incredibly unsafe." We race around the Mallusk. Up ahead, two football field lengths past the camp, I see— "THE BLASTING ZONE!" June announces proudly. I'm about to commend her on the elaborate setup when— "Hold up," I say. "What's with all the ancient Greek statue things?" "Needed something to actually blast," she says. "Ended up going a little nuts at the fancy lawn ornament store..." I nod, thinking that kinda makes sense, when— "HEY!" I exclaim. "My face! That one's got MY FACE!" Then, half-horrified, half-honored, I realize they've ALL got my face. "June," I say. "These statues are..."

这对我来说太难消化了，所以我就说，“这听起来非常不安全。” 我们绕着马勒斯克赛跑。 在前方，离营地两个足球场那么远的地方，我看到了——“爆破区！”六月自豪地宣布。 我正要称赞她精心的安排，这时——“等一下，”我说。 “那些古希腊雕像是怎么回事？”她说：“需要一些真正能引爆的东西。” “最后在花式草坪饰品店疯了……” 我点了点头，觉得这有点道理，当——“嘿！”我惊叫。 “我的脸!那张长着我的脸！”然后，我一半害怕，一半荣幸，我意识到他们都有我的脸。 “六月，”我说。“这些雕像是……”