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Chapter 1 YOU'RE UP TO SPEED There were eight items on Coke McDonald's to-do list at the end of July. But getting thrown into a volcano was not one of them. GET A NEW IPOD was on the list. STOP BITING MY NAILS was on the list. BUY SCHOOL SUPPLIES was on the list. FINISH SUMMER READING was on the list. But nothing about getting thrown into a volcano. And yet, strangely enough, getting thrown into a volcano was the one thing that Coke McDonald was actually going To Do at the end of July. Dear reader, right here in the first chapter I could tell you how Coke McDonald is going to

7月底，可口可乐麦当劳的待办事项清单上有8项。 但被扔进火山可不是其中之一。 买一个新的IPOD也在清单上。 “别咬我的指甲”也在清单上。 “购买学习用品”也在清单上。 完成夏日阅读也在清单上。 但没说被扔进火山。 然而，奇怪的是，被扔进火山是可口可乐麦当劳在7月底要做的一件事。 亲爱的读者，在第一章，我可以告诉你可口可乐麦当劳将如何

get thrown into a volcano. Then you would be able to get on with your life, go play a video game, watch some YouTube videos of cats playing piano, or whatever it is you do to get your jollies. But that would spoil the fun for you, and I certainly don't want to do that. Part of the joy of reading a book is letting the story unfold before your eyes. And to do that, you really need to read the first four books in the Genius Files series: Mission Unstoppable, Never Say Genius, You Only Die Twice, and From Texas with Love. (By the way, these books are conveniently available in hardcover, paperback, ebook, and audiobook versions from your favorite bookseller. Or, if you're intent on depriving me of the piddling royalties I would earn if you actually bought the book, you can get it for free at your local library. You can't beat that deal.) In any case, go ahead and read those four books. The rest of us will wait here while you catch up.

被扔进火山。 然后你就可以继续你的生活，去玩电子游戏，在YouTube上看一些猫弹钢琴的视频，或者做任何你想做的事情来获得快乐。 但那会破坏你的乐趣，我当然不想那样做。 读书的乐趣之一就是让故事在你眼前展开。 要做到这一点，你真的需要阅读《天才档案》系列的前四本书：《不可阻挡的任务》、《永不说天才》、《你只会死两次》和《来自德克萨斯的爱》。 (顺便说一下，这些书有精装本、平装本、电子书和有声读物，都可以从你最喜欢的书店买到。 或者，如果你想剥夺我那微薄的版税，如果你真的买了这本书，你可以在当地的图书馆免费得到它。 没有比这更好的交易了。)无论如何，请继续阅读这四本书。 我们剩下的人在这里等着你赶上进度。

(insert whistling noises here) Wait. What? You say you already read the first four Genius Files books? You say you remember that a pair of twins from California named Coke and Pepsi McDonald were recruited to be part of a secret government program called The Genius Files in which the smartest kids in the country would be called upon to solve the world's problems? You say you remember that the mastermind of The Genius Files program—the eccentric Dr. Herman Warsaw—decided to kill off the program and all the kids in it? You say you already know that Dr. Warsaw,

（插入哨声）等等。 怎么啦？你说你已经读过《天才档案》的前四部了？ 你说你还记得一对来自加利福尼亚的双胞胎，名叫可口可乐和百事可乐麦当劳，他们被招募参加一个名为“天才档案”的秘密政府项目，该项目将召集全国最聪明的孩子来解决世界上的问题？ 你说你记得天才档案计划的主谋，古怪的。 赫尔曼·华沙决定终止这个项目和所有参与其中的孩子？ 你说你已经知道。 华沙,

his deranged henchwoman Mrs. Higgins, Archie Clone, Evil Elvis, Doominator, and a pair of nincompoop flunkies wearing bowler hats have been chasing Coke and Pep across the United States all summer? You say you remember that the twins jumped off a cliff, got locked in their burning school, were pushed into a sand pit and left to die, zapped with electric shocks, lowered into boiling oil in a giant french fry machine, run down by a remote-controlled car, kidnapped on a roller coaster, dipped in soft-serve ice cream while tied up in a Mister Softee truck, swarmed by a million flying bats, pushed into a spinning clothes dryer, poisoned through their bowling shoes, and had a cow dropped on their head? (Deep breath) You say you remember that Coke and Pep's clueless parents had no idea what was going on the whole time, thinking they were simply taking a wholesome family vacation? You say you remember some of the oddball tourist

他那疯了的走狗希金斯太太、克隆阿奇、邪恶猫王、末日终结者，还有一对戴着硬礼帽的傻逼走狗，整个夏天都在美国各地追逐可乐和佩普？ 你说你记得双胞胎跳下悬崖,锁在他们的燃烧学校,被推到一个沙坑,死亡,电击,电击,降低了在一个巨大的薯条沸腾的油机,运行一个遥控车,绑架了过山车,蘸软冰淇淋而绑在先生Softee卡车,蜂拥到一百万年飞行的蝙蝠,推到一个旋转的干衣机,通过他们的保龄球鞋,毒然后一头牛掉在他们头上？ （深吸一口气）你说你记得可口可乐和佩普的愚蠢的父母一直不知道发生了什么，以为他们只是在进行一次健康的家庭度假？ 你说你记得一些古怪的游客

destinations the family visited along the way, such as... (Deep breath)... the Largest Ball of Twine in the World (Cawker City, Kansas), the Duct Tape Capital of the World (Avon, Ohio), the Largest Frying Pan in the World (Rose Hill, North Carolina), the National Bowling Hall of Fame (Arlington, Texas), the factory where Snickers are made (Waco, Texas), and museums devoted to Spam, Pez dispensers, hot dog buns, yo-yos, and my personal favorite, the Toilet Seat Art Museum (near San Antonio)? You say you remember the shocking, blowyour- doors-off, didn't-see-that-coming climactic ending to The Genius Files: From Texas with Love, when Coke and Pep were playing ping pong outside a motel in Roswell, New Mexico, and an alien spaceship landed and lifted the twins off the ground in a beam of bright light? You remember all that? (Deep breath)

这一家人沿途去过的地方，比如…… (深呼吸)…世界上最大的麻线球（堪萨斯州的科克城）、世界胶带之都（俄亥俄州的雅文）、世界上最大的煎锅（北卡罗来纳州的罗斯山）、国家保龄球名人堂（德克萨斯州的阿灵顿）、士力架的生产工厂（德克萨斯州的韦科）、专门收藏午餐肉、Pez糖果盒、热狗面包、溜溜球的博物馆，以及我个人最喜欢的马桶盖艺术博物馆（靠近圣安东尼奥）？ 你说你还记得《天才档案：来自德州的爱》中那个令人震惊的高潮结局，那是在新墨西哥州罗斯威尔的一家汽车旅馆外，可口可乐和佩普正在打乒乓球，一艘外星飞船降落，在一束强光中把这对双胞胎从地面上提了起来。 你还记得吗？(深呼吸)