9 The Joy of Arkansas

Chapter 9 THE JOY OF ARKANSAS At this point, you might be getting a little bit angry because we're eight chapters into the book and Coke hasn't been shoved into a spinning clothes dryer yet. Don't you hate that? You open a book and the author promises you in Chapter One that one of the characters is going to get shoved into a spinning clothes dryer. Then you read and read and read, and Coke still hasn't been shoved into a spinning clothes dryer. You want to read about some good spinning in a clothes dryer, and you're tired of waiting for it. You feel ripped off. Again, dear reader, I ask for your continued patience. I said that Coke would be shoved into a spinning clothes dryer, and I promise you that before the end of the story, Coke will indeed be

shoved into a spinning clothes dryer. In fact, this book comes with a money-back guarantee. If, by the final chapter, Coke still hasn't been shoved into a spinning clothes dryer, you will receive a full refund. No questions asked. For now, let's get back to the story. In the car after leaving the Quapaw spa, Coke and Pep did their best to put the strange confrontation with Dr. Warsaw out of their minds. It seemed as though the guy had finally lost his marbles, and thankfully was in no condition to do anyone harm. But with crazy people, you always have to stay on your guard. There was something about being in the car that made the twins feel safer. The RV had felt like a rolling prison. But the little Ferrari was almost like a steel cocoon that would protect them from harm. They felt private and free. After some debate about whether or not they should visit the Arkansas Alligator Farm in Hot Springs (Coke was the only one who really

wanted to go), the McDonalds decided to "blow this pop stand" instead. His mind and body refreshed, his pores fully opened, Dr. McDonald was so relaxed that he decided to turn off the GPS. He put the car in drive, and just drove. The compass said they were heading WEST, and that was good enough for him. Soon the family found themselves on Albert Pike Road, also known as U.S. Route 270. There are more than 53,000 square miles in Arkansas, and there are a lot of interesting places worth seeing. Inside the Ferrari, a great debate commenced to determine which sites were worth stopping at, and which ones should be bypassed. Dr. McDonald cast his vote for a side trip to Bentonville, where Sam Walton opened up the first Walmart in 1962. "There's a museum there now," Mrs. McDonald said, reading from her guidebook.

"Gee, what a shock," Coke said with his usual eye roll. He voted to visit the town of Eureka Springs, where the Museum of Fake Frogs is located. According to the guidebook, the old man who runs it has been accumulating frog collectibles for fifty years, and now he's up to six thousand frog-themed items. Coke insisted that anything to do with frogs was cool, but if he couldn't go there, he would instead be willing to see (and use) one of the world's only double-decker outhouses, which is

in Dover, Arkansas. Don't believe me? Go ahead and look it up. That's why they invented Google. Pep was always fascinated by morbid curiosities such as the Donner Party, settlers who resorted to cannibalism to survive the winter of 1846 in the Sierra Nevada. So when she heard about the Boggy Creek Monster in Fouke, Arkansas, she was intrigued. The monster, sort of a southern version of Bigfoot, is supposed to be seven feet tall and hairy all over. It has been known to kill and eat chickens, cattle, dogs, and livestock, if not small children. It was highly unlikely that they would actually catch a glimpse of the Boggy Creek Monster, so Pep said her second choice was to visit Crater of Diamonds State Park, in Murfreesboro, Arkansas. It's the only diamond- producing site in the world that's open to the public. In fact, in 2007, a thirteen-year-old girl found a 2.9-carat diamond there.

Mrs. McDonald, as always, was on the lookout for new material she could use in Amazing but True. But it was difficult to choose from the wealth of oddball tourist attractions in Arkansas. "Maybe we should go to Alma," she suggested. "It's the Spinach Capital of the World." "No more capitals!" "We could go to Stuttgart and see the World's Championship Duck Calling Contest," said Mrs. McDonald. There was just too much to see in Arkansas. Obviously, they couldn't do it all. There are only twenty-four hours in a day, as they say, and you've got to sleep sometime. The discussion continued as the McDonalds drove past Lake Hamilton and through the little towns of Royal, Joplin, and Hurricane Grove. The Caddo Mountains were in the distance now, and soon they were deep within Ouachita National Forest and Queen Wilhelmina State