11 Happy Birthday, Mrs. McDonald!

Chapter 11 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MRS. MCDONALD! So the coast was truly clear. The bowler dudes weren't going to hurt them. Mrs. Higgins wasn't going to hurt them. Dr. Warsaw wasn't going to hurt them. "This is the best vacation I ever had," Coke told his parents enthusiastically. "I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm having a wonderful time." "Me too," Pep added brightly. "Driving cross- country is so much more of an enriching experience than going to some dumb theme park." In the front seat, the parents looked at each other suspiciously. Something had to be up. Neither of them could remember the last time

the twins were so cheery and cooperative. After a fantastic dinner at Western Sizzlin in Poteau, the McDonalds pulled into the parking lot at the Holiday Inn Express. "How is this place any different from a regular Holiday Inn?" Pep asked as her parents checked in at the front desk. "Maybe you sleep faster here," Coke cracked. When they got to their room, Pep was careful to hide the birthday present she had gotten for her mother, a box of soothing bath salts she had picked up back in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Coke, who remembered just about every other thing he had ever experienced, never remembered anybody's birthday. Pep knew her present would have to be from the two of them. "Only a few more hours until the big day, Bridge," said Dr. McDonald as he unpacked his suitcase. "Tomorrow, you're in charge. We do whatever you want to do. You can boss us around all you want."

"Really?" "Sure," said Dr. McDonald. "Do you want to go out to a fancy restaurant for dinner? Fine. You want to sit around the hotel pool all day? That's okay too. Whatever your heart desires, honey." Mrs. McDonald thought it over. The money she made from Amazing but True was paying for the trip, and she pretty much decided what they would do every day. But she was always conscious of the rest of the family's boredom level, and tried not to drag them to places that wouldn't interest them. But it was her birthday. All bets were off. This was going to be her day. She decided to make the most of it. "I can do anything I want?" she asked. "Anything," said Dr. McDonald. "Okay," Mrs. McDonald said. "Everybody needs to be ready to get on the road at seven o'clock." "Where are we going, Mom?" Pep asked.

"You'll see." While the others slept, Mrs. McDonald spent the next two hours with a guidebook, a map of Oklahoma, and her laptop computer. In the morning, after the presents, singing "Happy Birthday," and a quick continental breakfast, they piled into the car and drove a very fast eighty miles north to Tahlequah, Oklahoma. Usually, Mrs. McDonald was telling her husband to slow down and observe all the speed limit signs. Not today. "Faster, Ben!" Mrs. McDonald kept urging. "You drive like a glacier!" "I'm doing seventy miles an hour," Dr. McDonald complained. "If I go any faster, we're gonna get pulled over." "Why did you buy a Ferrari if you didn't want to drive fast?" she replied. "What's your rush?" asked Dr. McDonald. "We've got all day." "Floor it, Dad!" Coke hollered from the

backseat. It only took an hour and a half to reach Tahlequah, in the foothills of the Ozark Mountains. Just outside town, Mrs. McDonald directed them to a little ranch house, which appeared to be abandoned. Dr. McDonald parked across the road and they walked around back, where there was a metal shed. "This place is creepy," Pep said. On the ground to the left of the shed was a large tombstone. It looked like it had once been standing up, but somebody knocked it over. This is what it said on the tombstone. Mister ED "Who's Mister Ed?" Coke asked. "You never heard of Mister Ed?" his mother replied. When the twins shook their heads no, both parents spontaneously broke into a silly song that began with the words "A horse is a horse, of course, of course.

Once again, I wish I could give you all the lyrics, but financial considerations as well as personal laziness prevent that from happening. Instead, go to YouTube and search for "Mister Ed theme song." Go ahead, we'll wait for you here. "Mister Ed was my favorite show when I was a kid," said Dr. McDonald. "They made a TV show about a talking horse?" Coke asked. "Well, he only talked to Wilbur, his owner," explained Dr. McDonald. "Sometimes he talked on the phone too," Mrs. McDonald added. "I heard they made him talk by putting a nylon thread in his mouth and pulling on it." The tombstone had an etching of Mister Ed poking his head through a barn door. Mrs. McDonald took some photos and explained that Mister Ed's original name was Bamboo Harvester. "So, there's a horse buried under here?"