1 You Missed a Lot!

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Chapter 1 YOU MISSED A LOT! There were thirteen items on Coke McDonald's To Do list on July 11th. But getting shoved into a spinning clothes dryer was not one of them. SEND POSTCARDS HOME was on the list. FINISH SUMMER READING was on the list. GET A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR MOM was on the list. LEARN HOW TO PLAY HARMONICA was on the list. But nothing about getting shoved into a spinning clothes dryer. And yet, strangely enough, getting shoved into a spinning clothes dryer was the one thing that Coke McDonald was actually going To Do at the middle of July.

第一章你错过了很多！7月11日，可口可乐麦当劳的待办事项清单上有13项。 但被塞进旋转的干衣机可不是其中之一。 寄明信片回家也在清单上。 完成夏日阅读也在清单上。 给妈妈买一份生日礼物也在清单上。 学习如何吹口琴在名单上。 但没说被塞进旋转的干衣机。 然而，奇怪的是，被塞进旋转的干衣机是可口可乐麦当劳在7月中旬要做的一件事。

Right now, I could tell you the amazing story of how Coke was shoved into a spinning clothes dryer. But to fully appreciate the awesomeness of it all, you should really read the first three books in The Genius Files series. So you might want to close this book for now, ask your librarian for the other books, and start reading them. I'll be waiting right here. Don't worry, I won't let anybody else read this book until you get back. Back so soon? What? You say somebody else checked out the first three Genius Files books? How dare they! Okay, tell you what I'm going to do—and I don't do this for everybody. I'll give you a quick recap of what happened up until this point. Ready? (Deep breath) The first book started with a pair of twins— Coke and Pepsi McDonald—jumping off a cliff

现在，我可以告诉你可口可乐是如何被塞进一个旋转的干衣机的神奇故事。 但要充分欣赏这一切的伟大之处，你应该真正阅读《天才档案》系列的前三本书。 所以你现在可能想把这本书合上，向你的图书管理员要其他的书，然后开始阅读。 我就在这儿等着。 别担心，在你回来之前，我不会让别人看这本书的。 这么快就回来了？怎么啦？你说有人借了《天才档案》的前三本？ 他们怎么敢！好吧，告诉你我要做什么——我不是为每个人做的。 我将给你们快速回顾一下到目前为止所发生的事情。 准备好了吗?（深呼吸）第一本书的开头是一对双胞胎——可口可乐和百事可乐——跳下悬崖

near San Francisco, California. Why would two perfectly normal twelve-year-old kids jump off a cliff? Glad you asked. They were being chased by some evil-looking dudes wearing bowler hats who were shooting poisoned darts at them with blowguns. Why were these bowler dudes trying to kill Coke and Pep? Because the eccentric Dr. Herman Warsaw told them to, that's why. And bowler dudes always do what they're told. You see, after witnessing the attack on the Pentagon on 9/11, Dr. Warsaw started a secret government program—called The Genius Files —to have the smartest kids solve the problems of the world. But as you well know, the younger generation has this nasty habit of not doing what grown-ups tell them to do. So Dr. Warsaw decided to kill off the program, and kill off all the kids with it. Did I mention that Dr. Warsaw is insane? (Deep breath) So the twins and their clueless parents set off in an RV on their cross-country summer

位于加州旧金山附近。 为什么两个完全正常的十二岁孩子要跳下悬崖？ 很高兴你这么问。他们被一群头戴圆顶礼帽、面目邪恶的家伙追赶，这些家伙用吹笛枪向他们射出有毒的飞镖。 为什么这些打保龄球的家伙要杀可口可乐和佩普？ 因为古怪的赫尔曼·华沙医生让他们这么做的。 打保龄球的人都是听话的。 你看，在目睹了911对五角大楼的袭击之后。 华沙启动了一个名为“天才档案”的秘密政府项目，让最聪明的孩子解决世界上的问题。 但你也知道，年轻一代有个坏习惯，就是不听大人的话。 所以华沙医生决定终止这个项目，并杀死所有参与其中的孩子。 我说过华沙医生是个疯子吗？ （深呼吸）于是这对双胞胎和他们毫无头绪的父母开着房车开始了他们横穿全国的夏天

vacation. Their dad is a history professor who's trying to come up with a killer idea for his next book. Their mom runs a popular website called Amazing but True, and so they had to stop off along the way at oddball tourist destinations such as the Duct Tape Capital of the World (Avon, Ohio), the Largest Frying Pan in the World (Rose Hill, North Carolina), and the Largest Ball of Twine in the World (Cawker City, Kansas). They also visited the National Yo- Yo Museum, the Waffle House Museum, and museums devoted to Spam, Pez dispensers, and hot dog buns. Who knew that America had such a rich cultural heritage? (Deep breath)

假期。他们的爸爸是一位历史教授，他正在为他的下一本书想出一个绝妙的主意。 他们的妈妈经营着一个名为“神奇但真实”的热门网站，所以他们不得不沿途在一些奇怪的旅游目的地停下来，比如世界胶带之都（俄亥俄州的雅芳）、世界上最大的油锅（北卡罗来纳州的玫瑰山）和世界上最大的麻线球（堪萨斯州的考克城）。 他们还参观了国家溜溜球博物馆、华夫饼馆博物馆，以及专门展出午餐肉、Pez糖果盒和热狗面包的博物馆。 谁知道美国有如此丰富的文化遗产？ (深呼吸)

Anyway, as Coke and Pep were on the road, Dr. Warsaw and his henchman were in hot pursuit, desperately trying to—oh, how do I put this delicately?—KILL THEM. In addition to being forced to jump off a cliff, the twins got locked in their burning school, pushed into a sandpit and left to die, zapped with electric shocks, lowered into boiling oil in a giant french fry machine, run down by a remote-controlled car, and dipped in soft-serve ice cream while tied up in a Mister Softee truck. Other than that, it was a fairly uneventful summer. The final scene of The Genius Files: You

总之，当可口可乐和佩普在路上的时候。 华沙和他的心肝在穷追不舍，拼命想——哦，我该怎么委婉地说呢？杀了他们。 除了被迫跳下悬崖外，这对双胞胎还被锁在燃烧的学校里，被推到沙坑里等死，被电击，被放进一个巨大的炸薯条机里的沸腾的油里，被一辆遥控汽车撞倒，被绑在一辆软先生卡车上，蘸着软冰淇淋。 除此之外，这是一个相当平淡无奇的夏天。 《天才档案》的最后一幕：你