1 You Missed a Lot!

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Chapter 1 YOU MISSED A LOT! There were thirteen items on Coke McDonald's To Do list on July 11th. But getting shoved into a spinning clothes dryer was not one of them. SEND POSTCARDS HOME was on the list. FINISH SUMMER READING was on the list. GET A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR MOM was on the list. LEARN HOW TO PLAY HARMONICA was on the list. But nothing about getting shoved into a spinning clothes dryer. And yet, strangely enough, getting shoved into a spinning clothes dryer was the one thing that Coke McDonald was actually going To Do at the middle of July.

Right now, I could tell you the amazing story of how Coke was shoved into a spinning clothes dryer. But to fully appreciate the awesomeness of it all, you should really read the first three books in The Genius Files series. So you might want to close this book for now, ask your librarian for the other books, and start reading them. I'll be waiting right here. Don't worry, I won't let anybody else read this book until you get back. Back so soon? What? You say somebody else checked out the first three Genius Files books? How dare they! Okay, tell you what I'm going to do—and I don't do this for everybody. I'll give you a quick recap of what happened up until this point. Ready? (Deep breath) The first book started with a pair of twins— Coke and Pepsi McDonald—jumping off a cliff

near San Francisco, California. Why would two perfectly normal twelve-year-old kids jump off a cliff? Glad you asked. They were being chased by some evil-looking dudes wearing bowler hats who were shooting poisoned darts at them with blowguns. Why were these bowler dudes trying to kill Coke and Pep? Because the eccentric Dr. Herman Warsaw told them to, that's why. And bowler dudes always do what they're told. You see, after witnessing the attack on the Pentagon on 9/11, Dr. Warsaw started a secret government program—called The Genius Files —to have the smartest kids solve the problems of the world. But as you well know, the younger generation has this nasty habit of not doing what grown-ups tell them to do. So Dr. Warsaw decided to kill off the program, and kill off all the kids with it. Did I mention that Dr. Warsaw is insane? (Deep breath) So the twins and their clueless parents set off in an RV on their cross-country summer

vacation. Their dad is a history professor who's trying to come up with a killer idea for his next book. Their mom runs a popular website called Amazing but True, and so they had to stop off along the way at oddball tourist destinations such as the Duct Tape Capital of the World (Avon, Ohio), the Largest Frying Pan in the World (Rose Hill, North Carolina), and the Largest Ball of Twine in the World (Cawker City, Kansas). They also visited the National Yo- Yo Museum, the Waffle House Museum, and museums devoted to Spam, Pez dispensers, and hot dog buns. Who knew that America had such a rich cultural heritage? (Deep breath)

Anyway, as Coke and Pep were on the road, Dr. Warsaw and his henchman were in hot pursuit, desperately trying to—oh, how do I put this delicately?—KILL THEM. In addition to being forced to jump off a cliff, the twins got locked in their burning school, pushed into a sandpit and left to die, zapped with electric shocks, lowered into boiling oil in a giant french fry machine, run down by a remote-controlled car, and dipped in soft-serve ice cream while tied up in a Mister Softee truck. Other than that, it was a fairly uneventful summer. The final scene of The Genius Files: You