9 A Passion for Spelunking

Chapter 9 A PASSION FOR SPELUNKING Yes, Mrs. Higgins—the germ-phobic and psychotic health teacher who had set the twins' school on fire, chased them through The House on the Rock, forced them to cause a riot at Wrigley Field in Chicago, and tried to blow their eardrums out at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland! She still had a scar across her neck from when they had clotheslined her with a ball of twine in Wisconsin. Coke and Pep involuntarily recoiled in horror at the sight of the tall woman, backing up against the clammy cave wall. (I know what you're thinking, dear reader. You're thinking that Mrs. Higgins is going to

throw Coke into a giant shredder. But that's not what happened at all.) "Well, if it isn't the McDonald twins!" Mrs. Higgins said, smiling sweetly. "Fancy meeting you two here." "It was you!" Pep said, pointing at her. "You're the voice on the audio tour!" "Guilty as charged," she replied. "How did I sound?" "Don't touch us!" Coke warned. "I'm warning you. I have a brown belt in karate." "Congratulations," Mrs. Higgins said. "Don't worry. I never touch the visitors. That is strictly forbidden by company rules." She took a step back and held up both hands to prove that she had no weapon. "What are you doing here?" Pep demanded. "Why do you keep showing up wherever we go?" "I work here, dear," Mrs. Higgins said. "I'm just trying to make a living. I got laid off when the school burned down, you know."

"You burned the school down yourself!" Coke shouted at her. "Believe me, it's not easy getting a job these days," said Mrs. Higgins. "The economy is terrible." "You can't fool us," Pep said. "You work for Dr. Warsaw. You're in love with him, and you'll do anything he says to make him happy, including killing innocent kids. You're a paid assassin!" Mrs. Higgins put her hand over her heart, as if taken aback by the accusation. She appeared to get misty-eyed at the mention of Dr. Warsaw's name. "Okay, I did do a little, shall we say, freelancing, for Dr. Warsaw," she admitted. "But those days are over. He's married now, and I finally had to admit that he never really loved me in the first place. In the end, he had me stealing hats for that kid who looked like Archie from the comics. It was pathetic what I did for that man's approval, to be honest with you."

She wiped a tear from her eye, and Pep found herself feeling a small degree of sympathy for Mrs. Higgins. She almost wanted to give her a hug. "She's lying," Coke told his sister. "Don't fall for that crap, Pep." "I was going through a phase back then," Mrs. Higgins said, her eyes brightening. "But those days are in the past. Now I have a new passion—spelunking!" "Spelunking?" Pep asked. "Exploring caves." "I don't believe you for a second," Coke said. "We trusted you the last time. And now we're supposed to believe that you just happened to get a job at Luray Caverns when we're here, just like you happened to get the job at Wrigley Field when we were in Chicago? Give me a break." "You can believe whatever you want, Coke," said Mrs. Higgins. "But look, if I wanted to harm you two, I could do it right now, couldn't I?"

She turned around and made a sweeping gesture across the Cathedral Room with her arm. "You see these stalagmites?" she continued. "Some of them are sharper than a razor. How easy it would be for me to grab one of you and push you down on top of one." Mrs. Higgins had a glassy look in her eye. Coke and Pep took a step backward. "That's all it would take," Mrs. Higgins went on, "a little shove. One of these stalagmites could pierce through human flesh like a knife through butter. All I would have to tell my boss would be, 'Oops! It was an accident. These crazy kids were roughhousing with each other. I tried to stop them, but you know how kids are.'" She seemed to get excited thinking about pushing somebody onto a stalagmite. "Or maybe I could do it over in the back corner there, where it's dark," she said. "You'd get impaled on two stalagmites, and I'd just leave you there to rot. They wouldn't find you

for years. Eventually your bodies would calcify and you would become part of the caverns." She had a wistful look on her face, like she was recalling a fond memory. Then she shook her head to clear it. "But of course, I don't do that anymore," Mrs. Higgins said. "I'm turning over a new leaf, as they say." Pep grabbed Coke by the elbow. "Let's blow this pop stand," she whispered, dragging her brother toward the exit. "Hey, did you send us a cipher at the Fourth of July fireworks?" Coke asked as they were leaving. "I don't know what you're talking about." "Liar!" "Bye now!" Mrs. Higgins called after them sweetly. "It was so nice to see you! Do come again! Watch your step on your way out. I don't want anyone to get hurt." Then she broke into a cackling laugh. Coke and Pep ran out of there two steps at a