2 Uncle Herman

Chapter 2 UNCLE HERMAN Our story begins in Washington, D.C., where The Genius Files: Never Say Genius left off. By the way, if you'd like to follow the McDonalds on their journey, it's easy. Get on the internet and go to Google Maps (http://maps.google.com/), Mapquest (www.mapquest.com), Rand McNally (www.randmcnally.com), or whatever navigation website you like best. Go ahead, I'll wait. Okay, now type in Lincoln Memorial, Washington, D.C., and click SEARCH MAPS. Click the little + or – sign on the screen to zoom in or out until you get a sense of where the twins are. See it? That's our starting point.

It was July 4th, a beautiful sun-drenched afternoon in the nation's capital. The temperature outside was almost ninety, but you couldn't ask for a better day to have a wedding. The sad eyes of Abraham Lincoln looked down over the one hundred or so guests. "Do you, Judy McAllister, take this man to be your husband in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, as long as you both shall live?" "I will," Aunt Judy said quietly. Coke turned to look at his mother, who was beaming. She and Judy, her little sister, had not

always gotten along while they were growing up. But all was forgiven now. The minister turned to face the groom, who was sitting in a wheelchair. "And do you, Herman Warsaw, take this woman to be your wife in the holy state of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, as long as you both shall live?" "I do." "By the power vested in me by the District of Columbia, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." For a moment or two, Coke and Pep didn't quite grasp what they had just heard. Did that minister really say "Herman Warsaw"? It couldn't be! Dr. Warsaw was dead. Coke had personally karate kicked him out of The Infinity Room back in Wisconsin a week earlier. It had been hundreds of feet up in the air. There

was no way he could have survived the fall. And besides, they had seen Dr. Warsaw's obituary in the newspaper. Maybe this guy was a different Herman Warsaw. But no, there he was, sitting in a wheelchair. All decked out in a tuxedo. And getting married. Kissing. Aunt Judy. As smart as they were, it took another moment or two for Coke and Pep to fully process the information. Dr. Warsaw was the reason they had been forced to jump off a cliff near their home in California. He was the reason they were locked in a burning school, pushed into a sand pit, and nearly drowned in a vat of bubbling Spam. It was because of him that they were zapped with electric shocks, lowered into boiling oil, and chased through the streets of Chicago. If Aunt Judy was their mother's sister, and she was marrying Dr. Warsaw, then that meant that Dr. Warsaw was now...

Uncle Herman! They were related! Dr. Warsaw would be part of their family! How do you sit around the table on Thanksgiving with the man who tried to kill you? Pep's jaw dropped open, and the blood drained from her face. "Are you okay, sweetie?" asked her father. "You're white as a ghost." That's when Pep's eyes rolled back in her head, and she collapsed.