1 Stuff You Missed

THE GENiUS FiLES

天才档案

Chapter 1 STUFF YOU MISSED There were ten items on Coke McDonald's to- do list for the month of July. But getting thrown into a giant shredder was not one of them. CLEAN THE TOILET IN THE RV was on the list. SEND POSTCARDS HOME was on the list. BUY SOUVENIRS was on the list. WORK ON SUMMER READING was on the list. But nothing about getting thrown into a giant shredder. And yet, oddly enough, getting thrown into a giant shredder was the one thing that Coke McDonald was actually going To Do during the month of July.

可口可乐麦当劳7月份的待办事项清单上有10项。 但被扔进巨型碎纸机可不是其中之一。 清理房车里的厕所也在清单上。 寄明信片回家也在清单上。 “买纪念品”也在清单上。 夏季阅读的工作也在清单上。 但没说要被扔进巨型碎纸机里。 然而，奇怪的是，被扔进一个巨大的碎纸机是可口可乐麦当劳在7月份要做的一件事。

Wait a sec. Before I tell you how Coke McDonald was thrown into a giant shredder, it's really important for you to read a book called The Genius Files: Never Say Genius. Because if you didn't read that book, this one will make no sense at all. So ask your librarian for a copy, and read it. Then come back and start this one again. Fair enough? Go ahead, I'll wait. Hmmmm. Hmmmmmm. No rush or anything. I've got all day. Okay, did you read it? You did not! Look, it's really important that you and I have an honest relationship during the time we're spending together between these covers. And if you can't be honest with me here, on page 2, what's it going to be like when we get to the big surprise ending on page 284? DON'T YOU DARE TURN TO PAGE 284 TO SEE THE SURPRISE ENDING! How could you even think of doing such a terrible thing?

等一下，在我告诉你可口可乐麦当劳是如何被扔进一个巨大的碎纸机之前，你有必要读一本叫做《天才档案：永远不要说天才》的书。 因为如果你没读过那本书，这本书就毫无意义了。 所以向你的图书管理员要一份拷贝，并阅读它。 然后回来重新开始。 够公平吗?去吧，我等你。 嗯。Hmmmmmm。不着急什么的。 我有一整天的时间。好吧，你读了吗？ 你没有！听着，在我们一起做卧底的这段时间里我们之间有一段诚实的关系是很重要的。 如果你不能在第二页跟我说实话，当我们看到284页的大惊喜结局时，会是什么样子？ 你竟敢翻到284页去看那个出人意料的结局！你怎么能想出这么可怕的事？

Look, just read the book, okay? What do you have to do that's more important? Watch some dumb reality TV show about people baking cakes? Watch videos of cats playing the piano on YouTube? Okay, fine, don't read The Genius Files: Never Say Genius. See if I care. Look, I'll make a deal with you. If you read this book, I'll tell you what happened in the last one in just eight breaths. Deal? Okay. This is what you missed.... (Deep breath) The story started on Coke and Pepsi McDonald's thirteenth birthday—June 25. The twins were still in shock after having pushed the evil and insane Dr. Herman Warsaw out of The Infinity Room to his death at The House on the Rock in Wisconsin. They were happy with the lame birthday presents their clueless parents gave them—a bag of genuine Wisconsin cheese curds and two yellow foam cheeseheads.

看这本书，好吗？ 你有什么更重要的事要做？ 看什么无聊的真人秀节目吗？ 在YouTube上看猫弹钢琴的视频？ 好吧，别读《天才档案：永不说天才》 看看我是否在乎。听着，我跟你做个交易。 如果你读了这本书，我就用八口气告诉你上一本书发生了什么。 交易吗?好吧。这就是你错过的.... （深呼吸）这个故事始于可口可乐和百事可乐麦当劳的13岁生日——6月25日。 这对双胞胎在推了邪恶而疯狂的医生之后仍然处于休克状态。 赫尔曼·华沙从无限房间里出来，死在威斯康辛州岩石上的房子里。 他们很满意他们愚蠢的父母送给他们的蹩脚的生日礼物——一袋真正的威斯康辛奶酪凝乳和两个黄色泡沫奶酪头。

The family continued on their cross-country journey that had started in California, heading for their aunt Judy's wedding in Washington, D.C., on July 4. Mrs. McDonald runs a popular website called Amazing but True. So along the way, she insisted on stopping at oddball tourist attractions, such as the National Mustard Museum (where she purchased a POUPON U toilet seat) and the National Dairy Hall of Fame (where the family learned about pioneers such as Harvey D. Thatcher, the inventor of the glass milk bottle). Wow, too bad you didn't read the book. You actually might have learned something! (Deep breath) Anyway, when they arrived at the first McDonald's restaurant in Des Plaines, Illinois, Coke and Pep encountered Archie Clone, a fellow teenage genius filer who was in fact an evil madman who aspired to follow in Dr. Warsaw's footsteps. He invited them into what

7月4日，一家人继续从加州开始的越野旅行，前往华盛顿参加朱迪阿姨的婚礼。 麦克唐纳夫人经营着一个名为“惊人但真实”的热门网站。 所以一路上，她坚持要在一些古怪的旅游景点停下来，比如国家芥末博物馆（National Mustard Museum）（她在那里买了一个POUPON U的马桶盖）和国家乳品名人堂（National Dairy Hall of Fame）(在那里，全家了解了哈维·D·杰克逊(Harvey D。 撒切尔，玻璃奶瓶的发明者)。 真可惜你没读那本书。 你可能真的学到了一些东西！（深呼吸）不管怎么说，当他们到达伊利诺伊州德斯普兰斯的第一家麦当劳餐厅时，可口可乐和佩普遇到了阿奇·克隆，他是一个少年天才，实际上是一个邪恶的疯子，他渴望跟随Dr。 华沙的脚步。他邀请他们进入什么

appeared to be an interactive exhibit called "The Multimedia World of French Fries," but was in fact a death trap. Seconds before Coke and his sister were dipped into boiling oil, Coke jammed his cheesehead into the gears to stop the ridiculously slow-moving wire basket and save their lives. Some birthday, huh? (Deep breath) The next stop was a Cubs game in Chicago's famed Wrigley Field, where Coke and Pep were reunited with the germ-phobic Mrs. Higgins, a hired assassin who worked for Dr. Warsaw when she wasn't teaching health at Coke and Pep's school back in California. She had given up killing innocent children, she said, and taken a job in the Cubs' public relations department (she has excellent people skills, apparently). Mrs. Higgins told the twins there was a bomb in the Cubs' dugout that would go off when they sang the last line to "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." It was a lie, of course, but the result

看起来是一个名为“炸薯条的多媒体世界”的互动展览，但实际上是一个死亡陷阱。 在寇克和他的妹妹被浸入滚烫的油之前几秒钟，寇克把他的奶酪头塞进齿轮里，阻止了慢得可笑的铁丝篮，救了他们的命。 不错的生日，是吧？（深呼吸）下一站是芝加哥著名的瑞格利球场（Wrigley Field）的一场小熊队（Cubs）比赛，可口可乐和佩普在那里与患有细菌恐惧症的希金斯夫人（Mrs. Higgins）重逢。 当她不在加州可口可乐和佩普的学校教健康课的时候。 她说，她已经放弃了杀害无辜的孩子，并在小熊队的公共关系部门找到了一份工作（显然，她有出色的人际交往能力）。 希金斯太太告诉这对双胞胎，当他们唱到“带我出去看球赛”的最后一句时，小熊队的教练席上有一枚炸弹会爆炸。 这当然是个谎言，但结果