9 Never Argue with a Grown-up

Chapter 9 NEVER ARGUE WITH A GROWN-UP Long after their parents went to sleep, Coke and Pep were still sitting on a bench outside the RV, whispering in the dark. "We can't go to Washington," Coke said. "Mrs. Higgins or Archie Clone or those bowler dudes will be waiting for us. They may even be working together. We're playing right into their hands. It's a suicide mission." "What do you think would happen if we didn't show up in Washington on July third?" Pep wondered. "What if we just turned around now and went home? Do you think they'd follow us?" "I don't know," Coke said. "They seem pretty determined. But who knows? Maybe they'd just cross us off their list of Genius Files kids and move

on to the next name." "They have lots of other kids to worry about," Pep said hopefully. "Dr. Warsaw told us there were hundreds of kids in The Genius Files program." "The odds are sure to be better for us if we went home than if we continued on to Washington," said Coke. "And if they did come after us in California, at least we'd have home field advantage." "But how are we going to talk Mom and Dad into letting us go home?" Pep asked. "Every time we tell them that people are trying to kill us, they think we're just joking." "Leave it to me," Coke replied. "I can talk Dad into anything." It was after midnight when the twins finally went to bed. In the morning, Mrs. McDonald made some eggs on the little stove in the RV and toasted some English muffins. It was a rare treat. Usually, breakfast on the road was cold cereal. After they cleaned up the dishes, Coke and Pep pulled their father off to the side, near the volleyball

court. "Dad," Coke said very seriously, "we need to talk to you about something." "Is everything okay?" Dr. McDonald asked, concerned. "Everything's fine," Coke said quietly. "But… we want to turn back. We want to go home." "What?!" Dr. McDonald asked, surprised. "Why? This is a great vacation. Aren't you kids having fun?" "Sure we are, Dad," Pep said. "It's just that…" "We're homesick," Coke said. Coke had decided to play the homesick card. Parents are suckers for homesickness. It means your kids like being home so much that nowhere else compares. It means you must be a terrific parent to have raised wonderful kids who like being in your house. It means you have created a lovely atmosphere for your children. It pulls at the heartstrings. Home is where the heart is. Home sweet home. A kid can't miss playing the homesick card.

"I miss my friends," Pep added, with her best puppy-dog face. "And I have a ton of summer reading to do," Coke said. "I'm worried that I won't be able to finish it before school starts up again." "We just want to go home," Pep said. The McDonald twins were not lying. They were homesick. They did miss their friends. They had summer reading assignments. It might not have been the whole truth, but telling their parents the whole truth hadn't worked. So it was time to try a different strategy. Pep's watery eyes were not filled with fake tears. Dr. McDonald put an arm around each of his children. "Kids," he said, "do you know how far we've traveled on this trip? More than two thousand miles. That's a long way. Right now we're only about five hundred miles from Washington. We've come so far."

"We know, Dad," Coke said. "But—" "Don't you want to see the nation's capital?" Dr. McDonald continued. "The Lincoln Memorial? The Washington Monument? The White House? The Smithsonian? Believe me, you're going to remember the things that happened on this trip for the rest of your lives." "I'll say," Coke agreed. "But Dad—," Pep said before her father cut her off. "Tell me, what do you think would have happened if Thomas Edison had tried just a few filaments for his lightbulb and said, 'Ah, forget it. It's not worth the effort. Candles give off enough light'?" "We'd still be using candles today," Pep guessed. "That's right!" her father said. Dr. McDonald was using the time-honored

"what if" strategy. Kids are suckers for the "what if" strategy. The parent makes outlandish comparisons with the current situation, and the kids don't realize the two situations are totally different. It works every time. "What if," Dr. McDonald asked, "Lewis and Clark had stopped in the middle of Iowa and said, 'Okay, we get the idea. We've seen enough amber waves of grain and purple mountain majesties'? And what if Neil Armstrong had stopped halfway to the moon and decided that one small half step for man was good enough? And what if Magellan had turned back when he was halfway around the world?" "He would have survived, Dad," Coke said. "Magellan died before he could circle the globe. He was murdered in the Philippines." "You know what I mean," Dr. McDonald said. "The point is that you don't start a job and quit in the middle. That's just not right. And it's not the American way. If you start something, you should finish it." Coke had a pained look on his face. This wasn't