5 The Twelfth Fiancé of Tantrum O’UGerly

5. THE TWELFTH FIANCÉ OF TANTRUM O'UGERLY Hiccup turned to Fishlegs in horror. 'It wasn't you, was it Fishlegs?' he hissed desperately at his friend. Of course it couldn't have been… Fishlegs was only thirteen and a quarter. He was far too young to be sending love poetry to beautiful sulky princesses with homicidal maniacs for fathers… But Fishlegs was redder than a sunset. He pushed his glasses further on to his nose, and mumbled so low that Hiccup could barely hear him. 'Um…' he coughed. 'I've been practising my poetry, you see. It's quite a good poem, don't you think?' said Fishlegs, proud of his artistic effort, despite the peril of the moment. 'Although the word "quadraped" is not very poetic… I had some trouble with it… poetry isn't as easy as it looks…' 'What are you talking about, you loon?' hissed Hiccup. 'Who cares if it's a good poem or not? Uglithugs are not exactly particular about their poetry. They're much better at removing people's heads and tying their arms in complicated reef knots. The thing is, why in Woden's name did you send her the beastly

5. 第十二位FIANCÉ：坦坦姆·奥格里·希卡普惊恐地转向鱼腿。 “不是你，是鱼腿吧？”他绝望地对他的朋友嘶嘶地说。 当然不可能……鱼腿才十三又四分之一。 他太年轻了，不可能把爱情诗寄给生气的美丽公主，而父亲则是杀人狂……但鱼腿比夕阳还红。 他把眼镜往鼻子上推了推，嘟囔着，声音低得小嗝嗝几乎听不见。 “嗯……”他咳嗽了一下。“你知道，我一直在练习写诗。 这是一首很好的诗，你不觉得吗？鱼腿说，他为自己的艺术成就感到骄傲，尽管当时很危险。 “虽然‘quadrape’这个词不太诗意……我用起来有些困难……诗歌不像看上去那么容易……”嗝嗝嘶嘶地说。 “谁在乎这首诗好不好？” 丑陋的立陶宛人对他们的诗歌并不讲究。 它们更擅长把人的头砍下来，把他们的胳膊绑成复杂的珊瑚礁结。 问题是，你为什么以沃登的名义给她送那个畜生

poem in the first place?' Fishlegs was now whiter than a piece of paper. 'I just thought she was quite pretty, and so she was inspiring my poetry. The thing is,' explained Fishlegs, 'I'm not sure whether the whole Hooligan Warrior, swords-and-axes, grunting-and-thumping thing is really working out for me. So I was just thinking that if I failed the Training Programme which let's face it is quite likely, I could always start out as a poet, make my way up to being a wandering minstrel, maybe end up as a BARD, even…' 'It's a good idea, Fishlegs, I'm not knocking it,' said Hiccup, 'but let's talk about your career options later. Now we have a problem.' 'I'm sorry, Hiccup,' said Fishlegs. Fishlegs took his glasses off and put them on again in a harassed sort of way. He swallowed hard. 'What do you think he's going to do to me?' he whispered back to Hiccup. 'He's going to kill you,' Hiccup explained patiently. 'Horribly but Mercifully Quickly if you're Lucky.' 'You think so?' said Fishlegs quaveringly. 'I not only think so, I know so,' said Hiccup. 'To even GET to be one of her fiancés in the first place

首先是诗吗？”鱼腿现在比一张纸还白。 “我只是觉得她很漂亮，所以她激发了我写诗的灵感。 “问题是，”鱼腿解释说，“我不确定整个流氓战士，剑和斧头，咕噜声和重击的事情是否真的适合我。 所以我只是在想，如果我没能通过培训课程——这是很有可能的——我可以从诗人开始，然后成为一个流浪吟游诗人，也许最后成为一个吟游诗人，甚至……”“这是个好主意，鱼腿，我不反对，”小嗝嗝说，“不过我们以后再谈你的职业选择吧。 现在我们有个问题。“对不起，小嗝嗝，”鱼腿说。 鱼腿把眼镜摘了下来，又带着一种烦躁不安的样子戴上了。 他使劲咽了口气。“你认为他会对我做什么？”他小声对小嗝嗝说。 “他要杀了你，”小嗝嗝耐心地解释道。 “可怕，但幸运的话，很快就会好起来。“你这么想？”鱼腿颤抖着说。 “我不仅这样想，而且我知道，”小嗝嗝说。 “甚至能成为她的未婚夫之一

you have to be of ROYAL BLOOD. I'm afraid we are living in prejudiced times, and by my reckoning that means death-on-the-spot for you.' 'OK,' smiled UG, 'I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask the culprit to own up. I'll count to five. One… two… three…' 'I have to own up,' Fishlegs whispered. 'Or else we'll ALL get killed. It's been nice knowing you, Hiccup.' four…' said UG warningly. Fishlegs got unsteadily to his feet, and shakily wiped his steamed- up glasses on his shirtfront, before jamming them back on his nose with determination. 'Wait!' Hiccup whispered. 'I think I may have a plan!' 'A clever one?' replied Fishlegs hopefully. 'Oh for Thor's sake,' said Hiccup. 'Clever-ish. There's no time to be fussy…' 'STOP!' yelled Hiccup.

你必须有皇室血统。 恐怕我们生活在一个充满偏见的时代，在我看来，这意味着你会当场死亡。“好吧，”UG笑着说，“恐怕我得让罪犯坦白了。” 我数到五。“我得坦白。”鱼腿低声说。 “不然我们都会被杀的。 很高兴认识你，小嗝嗝。“四……”UG警告说。 鱼腿踉踉跄跄地站了起来，摇摇晃晃地擦了擦衬衫前襟上那副冒着水汽的眼镜，然后又坚决地把眼镜塞回鼻子上。 “等等!”打嗝低声说。“我想我可能有个计划！”“聪明的？”鱼腿满怀希望地回答。 “哦，看在上帝的份上，”小嗝嗝说。 精巧的。没时间大惊小怪了……”嗝嗝喊道。

Everyone turned round and looked at him. Oh brother. This was going to be hard. 'I wrote the poem,' said Hiccup. There was a short, astonished silence. Hiccup couldn't look at Snotlout or Dogsbreath the Duhbrain, who were beside themselves with glee. 'YOUR HEIR wrote the poem, Stoick,' chuckled UG the Uglithug, leaning back in the Throne and taking a good long puff on his cigar. 'I KNEW there'd be a happy ending.' 'Hiccup!' cried Stoick the Vast. 'YOU didn't write this letter, did you?' 'I'm afraid so, Father,' lied Hiccup. SNORT SNORT SNORT went Snotlout and Dogsbreath the Duhbrain. 'What does this mean?' said Stoick the Vast, trying to take it in. 'It means,' drawled UG the Uglithug, very, very pleased with himself, 'that according to our Barbaric Code, your son Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, being of Royal Blood, has had the excellent good luck to become the latest Fiancé of my dearly beloved daughter, Princess Tantrum O'UGerly.' 'But… but… but…' blustered Stoick the Vast,

大家都转过身来看着他。 哦,哥哥。这将是艰难的。 “这首诗是我写的，”小嗝嗝说。 一阵短暂的、令人吃惊的沉默。 小嗝嗝不敢看鼻涕鼻子和狗屎呼吸，他们正高兴得发狂。 “这首诗是你的继承人写的，斯托伊克，”丑八怪格格笑着说，他靠在宝座上，吸了一口长长的雪茄。 “我知道会有一个幸福的结局。“打嗝!巨人斯托伊克喊道。 “这封信不是你写的，是吗？”“恐怕是这样，爸爸，”小嗝嗝撒谎说。 嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅嗅。 “这是什么意思？”巨人斯托伊克说，试图领会它的意思。 “意思是说，”丑格怪格非常、非常得意地拖腔说，“根据我们的《野蛮法典》，你的儿子希卡普·可怕的黑道克三世，有王室血统，非常幸运地成为了我心爱的女儿坦图姆·奥丑格丽公主的最新未婚妻。“可是……可是……可是……”

trying to focus on just one of the reasons that he felt that this was a gob-smackingly bad idea. 'What about the age gap?' 'I don't think you'll find the age gap is a problem,' grinned UG the Uglithug. 'To actually MARRY my daughter, he would have to pass the Impossible Task that I set.' 'You said the "latest" Fiancé,' said Hiccup. 'How many Fiancés have you actually HAD, Princess Tantrum?' 'Eleven,' said Tantrum, tossing her hair and throwing her father a look so furious that his beard should have gone up in flames on the spot. 'That's counting the Fiancé-Before-the-Fiancé-Before- Last, who is the one I love and am actually going to marry…' 'Love!' sneered UG the Uglithug. 'A princess can't marry for LOVE! Besides, I am not sure that the Fiancé-Before-the-Fiancé-Before-Last really counts because I think he was lying about his Royal Blood.' 'I am not going to marry somebody just because they have stay-at-home Royal Blood, Father!' stormed Tantrum. 'I am sick of castles and roofs and bodyguards and jewels. I am going to marry a HERO. I am going to marry my Hero, and sail into the sunset,

试着把注意力集中在他认为这是一个非常糟糕的主意的原因之一上。 “年龄差距呢？”“我不认为你会发现年龄差距是个问题，”丑八怪咧嘴一笑。 “要真正娶我的女儿，他必须通过我布置的不可能完成的任务。“你说的是‘最新的’未婚妻，”小嗝嗝说。 “你到底有过多少个未婚夫，坦特姆公主？”“十一岁。”坦姆姆说着，甩了甩头发，狠狠地瞪了父亲一眼，他的胡子简直要当场烧起来了。 “这是在算那个我爱的人——前——前——最后一个人，她是我真正要娶的人……”丑八怪嘲笑道。 “公主不能为了爱情而结婚！”另外，我不确定那个前未婚夫的履历算不算因为我觉得他在皇室血统的问题上撒了谎。“我不会因为一个人有王室血统就嫁给他，爸爸！”坦特姆怒吼道。 “我厌倦了城堡、屋顶、保镖和珠宝。 我要嫁给一个英雄。 我要嫁给我的英雄，驶向夕阳，

and sleep under the stars, and live by the sword, and let our boat take us wherever the wind blows us. I am going to marry my Hero, the Fiancé-Before-the- Fiancé-Before-Last, who is the one I love!' 'Yes, well there's a tiny problem about that, isn't there, Tantrum?' smiled UG the Uglithug. 'Your Hero never returned from the Impossible Task… If he was a true Hero, he would have returned.' 'He will return…' said Tantrum stubbornly, tossing her beautiful hair and crossing her arms. 'He will return. I'm waiting for him.' 'Of course you can wait, Tantrum my dear,' said UG the Uglithug. 'But you may be waiting a long time. You may be waiting for ever.' 'I can wait a long time,' said Tantrum. 'I can wait for ever.' 'Well, you just keep on waiting,' cooed UG the Uglithug. 'Don't let me stop you. In the meantime,' he turned to Stoick the Vast, 'my only criteria for my daughter Tantrum's hand-in-marriage is Royal Blood…' ('HA!' snorted Tantrum and tossed her hair.) '…and for the Fiancé to provide one barrel of mead for the honeymoon.'* Stoick the Vast cheered up like anything. 'Is THAT the Impossible Task?' he said eagerly. 'That

睡在星空下，靠刀剑生活，让我们的船带我们去风吹的任何地方。 我要嫁给我的英雄，我的未婚夫，我的未婚夫，我爱的人！“是啊，不过这有个小问题，是不是，坦坦姆？”丑格笑着说。 “你的英雄没有从不可能的任务中回来……如果他是一个真正的英雄，他会回来的。”“他会回来的……”坦图姆固执地说，甩了甩她美丽的头发，交叉着双臂。 “他会回来的。我在等他。“你当然可以等，亲爱的斯特伦姆。”丑格说。 “但你可能要等很长时间。 你可能会永远等下去。“我可以等很长时间。” “我可以永远等下去。“好吧，你就等着吧，”丑八怪咕咕地说。 “别让我阻止你。与此同时，”他转向巨人斯托伊克，“我对女儿坦特伦姆结婚的唯一标准是王室血统……”(“哈！坦特姆哼了一声，甩了甩头发。)“……让未婚夫为蜜月提供一桶蜂蜜酒。”巨人斯托伊克像什么东西一样高兴起来。 “那是不可能完成的任务吗？”他急切地问。 ”,