5 An Unpleasant Old Acquaintance

5. AN UNPLEASANT OLD ACQUAINTANCE They were sharing a deer between them, and Norbert and Madguts made a disgusting sight, sitting there with their hands dipped scarlet in blood as they tore the poor thing limb from limb. Gumboil was a little more delicate in his manners, and he was nibbling daintily at a piece of deer liver on the end of a long pointed black fork. Norbert the Nutjob swallowed the last bits of wine that he was drinking out of a skull, chucked some fleshy bits of deer over his shoulder, and rubbed his bloody hands on his shirtfront. 'Oh well done, Madguts old chap,' said Norbert enthusiastically, 'your Raptortongues have brought us the victims.

Hiccup didn't like the sound of the word 'victim'. 'What's going on?' he stammered. 'Why have you brought us here? We need to get back to our Swimming Race… And why is Madguts here? He's supposed to be in the Swimming Race too…'

Norbert got up and thrust his face into Hiccup's face. One mad eyeball stared straight at Hiccup, red veins bulging all over it like lines on a lunatic map, a violent tic sending the pupil quivering and trembling in a wild dance of rage. 'Your race is over,' said Norbert with satisfaction. 'Madguts and I have made a little agreement. Madguts has brought me YOU, and I, in return, have put him up on my ship here for a couple of hours. He will then swim back to shore well after the others, making sure that HE is the Last Man Back…'

'But that's cheating!' protested Hiccup. 'You're not supposed to seek aid by Float or Boat!' 'Of course it's cheating!' laughed Norbert. 'You think your ancestor, Grimbeard the Ghastly, didn't cheat long ago in that famous Swimming Race when he became King of the Archipelago? It isn't physically possible to carry on swimming for THREE WHOLE MONTHS…'

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'That is a long time,' grinned Gumboil. 'I'm sorry to interrupt, but we'll be off now, since you've got what you wanted, Norbert. Madguts has rested enough, and he has a race to come last in.' Madguts the Murderous grunted and wiped his bloody palms on the front of his waistcoat. He shook Norbert the Nutjob by the hand, and did a few leg stretches, before swallow-diving off the edge of the boat, followed by the repulsive Gumboil, holding his nose and doing a bomb. The Raptortongues unfolded their bat-like wings and followed them. 'Well, well, well, if it isn't the weird little red-haired boy,' smiled Norbert the Nutjob. 'When last we met, I seem to remember that you stole my ticking-thing, burned down my Great Hall, chewed off my moustaches, and fed Papa to the Squealers.'* 'That was an accident!' protested Hiccup. 'An unfortunate SERIES of accidents which we deeply regret, don't we guys?' 'Mmff,' snorted Norbert. 'Didn't I warn you that the next time we bumped into each other I would KILL you?' 'Well, lovely as it is to see you again,' said Hiccup tactfully (you should always be polite to madmen carrying axes), 'I didn't exactly PLAN this meeting…'