3 Stoick Fails to See the Funny Side

3. STOICK FAILS TO SEE THE FUNNY SIDE At this bad moment, Stoick the Vast stomped into the room. Hiccup's father, Stoick the Vast, O Hear His Name and Tremble, Ugh, Ugh, was the Chief of the Tribe of the Hairy Hooligans. He had a belly like a battleship, a beard like a hedgehog struck by lightning, a good heart but a short temper, and he was already in a very bad mood. Camicazi's mother, Big-Boobied Bertha, the Chief of the Bog-Burglars, had said some very harsh, jeering words about the Hooligan performance in the Burglary Competition. 'YOU HOOLIGANS COULDN'T BURGLE YOUR WAY OUT OF A PAPER BAG!' Big- Boobied Bertha had bellowed in between laughing herself silly, and those unkind words had stung Stoick, who couldn't resist a challenge, particularly one set by Big-Boobied Bertha herself. Stoick bet her two of his finest axes that he could prove BY THE END OF THE DAY that Hooligans were just as good at Burglary as Bog-Burglars. Bertha had accepted, they

3. 在这个糟糕的时刻，巨人斯托伊克踏进了房间。 小嗝嗝的父亲，巨人斯托伊克，哦，听到他的名字就发抖，啊，啊，是毛流氓部落的首领。 他的肚子像一艘战舰，胡子像被闪电击中的刺猬，心地善良，但脾气暴躁，而且他的心情已经很糟糕了。 卡米卡齐的母亲，大咪咪伯莎，沼泽盗窃犯的首领，对那些流氓在盗窃犯比赛中的表现说了一些非常严厉、嘲弄的话。 “你们这些流氓连从纸袋里偷出来的路都没有！”大胸伯莎一边咆哮一边傻笑着，这些刻薄的话刺痛了斯托伊克，他无法抗拒挑战，尤其是大胸伯莎自己提出的挑战。 斯托伊克拿他最好的两把斧子和她打赌，说他能在一天结束前证明流氓和沼泽窃贼一样擅长入室行窃。 伯莎接受了，他们

had bumped bellies on the bet. And that was that. And it had a lot to do with why Hiccup was hanging so precariously in the Library as you will see. Stoick was now wondering if this had been wise. Bog-Burglars, you see, were so very good at Burglary. All in all, Stoick wasn't in the best of moods to find his brand-new throne had been burnt to a crisp. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!' screamed Stoick the Vast, tearing his beard out. 'MY FAVOURITE THRONE DESTROYED!'' 'It's not destroyed, Sir,' said Fishlegs quickly, thinking on his feet. 'It's just a little black around the edges… it adds a sort of lived-in, uncivilised feel to it, you know, and that's all the rage in Viking furniture right now.' Stoick calmed down slightly. 'Look!' said Fishlegs, shaking the chair enthusiastically, 'it still works as a CHAIR, it's just got a new feel to it.' Stoick rubbed his beard thoughtfully. Fishlegs patted the seat of the chair. 'Come on!' encouraged Fishlegs. 'Let's see how you look on it.' Stoick the Vast lowered his great bottom into the chair and Fishlegs stood back.

在赌局中撞到了肚子。 就是这样。这和小嗝嗝为什么被吊在图书馆里有很大关系，你们会看到的。 斯托伊克现在想知道这样做是否明智。 沼泽窃贼，你看，非常擅长入室行窃。 总而言之，斯托伊克发现他的新宝座被烧成了脆皮时心情并不好。 “AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH !巨人斯托伊克尖叫着，扯掉了他的胡子。 “我心爱的王座毁了！”“‘它没有被毁，先生，’鱼腿站起来想了想，赶紧说。 “只是边缘有一点黑色……它给它增添了一种居住的、不文明的感觉，你知道，这是现在维京家具的流行趋势。”斯托伊克稍稍平静下来。 “看!鱼腿说着，热情地摇晃着椅子，“它还是椅子，只是有了一种新的感觉。”斯托伊克若有所思地揉了揉胡子。 鱼腿拍着椅子的坐垫。 “来吧!鱼腿鼓励道。 “让我们看看你戴上它会是什么样子。”巨人斯托伊克把他的大屁股放到椅子上，鱼腿往后站着。

'Bravo!' clapped Fishlegs. 'So barbaric! You are the very MODEL of a modern Viking General…' 'You think so?' asked Stoick, flexing his muscles. He did look rather good actually, a great six-and-a-half-foot Viking Chieftain with a beard like an erupting bird's nest in this huge, burnt-out ruin of a throne, all twisted and blackened and still smoking slightly. 'Oh yes!' gushed Fishlegs. 'You're a vision from Valhalla! His Scariness Stoick the Vast, Most High Chieftain of the Hairy Hooligan Tribe, O Hear His Name and Tremble, Ugh, Ugh, at his most frightening… Primitive! Magnificent! Terri–' The left back leg of the throne shivered and collapsed. His Scariness Stoick the Vast, Most High Chieftain of the Hairy Hooligan Tribe, O Hear His Name and Tremble, Ugh, Ugh, fell to the floor with a crash that shook the house to its rafters. There was a nasty pause. Fishlegs opened his mouth–I'm not sure how even Fishlegs was going to talk them out of this one. But Camicazi spoilt it anyway. Most people would be far too scared to laugh at the Chief of the Hairy Hooligans, but unfortunately

“万岁!”鱼腿拍手说。 “所以野蛮!你真是现代海盗将军的典型……”“你这么认为吗？斯托伊克一边弯曲肌肉，一边问道。 事实上，他看起来确实相当不错，一个身高六英尺半的维京酋长，他的胡子就像一个正在喷发的鸟巢，矗立在这个巨大的、被烧毁的王座废墟上，浑身扭曲、发黑，还微微冒着烟。 “哦,是的!鱼腿滔滔不绝地说。 “你是英灵殿的幻影！”他的恐怖斯托伊克，毛流氓部落的最高首领，哦，听到他的名字，颤抖，啊，啊，在他最可怕的……原始！辉煌!特丽——”王座的左后腿颤抖着塌了下来。 可怕的斯托伊克，毛茸茸的流氓部落的最高首领，哦，听到他的名字，颤抖，啊，啊，摔在地板上，砰的一声把房子震到了椽子上。 一阵令人不快的沉默。鱼腿张开了嘴——我不知道鱼腿怎么能说服他们放弃这个想法。 但卡米卡齐还是把它搞砸了。 大多数人都不敢嘲笑毛流氓的首领，但不幸的是

Bog-Burglars aren't afraid of anything. Camicazi LAUGHED SO HARD she nearly fell over. Stoick leapt to his feet with a quickness surprising in someone who was built like a bull on a body-building programme. Stoick lost his temper. And when a Hooligan loses his temper, he really loses it. 'SILENCE!' roared Stoick. 'HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT ME, YOU MINUSCULE LITTLE FEMALE MARSH-MEDDLER?' It was at this moment that he realised that the minuscule little female marsh-meddler was holding a rather smart pair of hairy underpants that looked strangely familiar… Thunderbolts of Thor! She'd had the sheer Bog-Burglar cheek to snaffle his smalls! Swelling up like an infuriated baboon, he snatched the furry pants. 'AND HOW DARE YOU NICK THE KNICKERS OF THE CHIEF OF THE HAIRY HOOLIGAN TRIBE!' roared Stoick the Vast. 'It was a pick-pocketing competition,' grinned Camicazi cheekily. 'In case you Hooligans hadn't noticed…' Although perfectly true, this wasn't a remark that was likely to put Stoick in a better frame of mind.

沼泽窃贼什么都不怕。 Camicazi笑得太厉害了，差点摔倒。 斯托伊克跳了起来，他的速度之快让人惊讶，因为他就像一头参加了健身计划的公牛。 斯托伊克发脾气了。当一个小流氓发脾气时，他真的会发脾气。 “安静!”斯托伊克吼道。“你竟敢嘲笑我，你这个爱管闲事的小女人？”就在这时，他意识到那个小得微不足道的爱管闲事的女人手里拿着一条相当漂亮的毛茸茸的内裤，看起来出奇地熟悉……雷神的霹雳！她居然厚颜无耻地偷吃了他的小弟弟！他像一只被激怒的狒狒一样膨胀起来，一把抓住毛茸茸的裤子。 “你怎么敢扒毛流氓部落首领的短裤！”巨人斯托伊克吼道。 Camicazi厚脸皮地笑着说：“这是一场扒窃比赛。” “万一你们这些流氓没有注意到……”尽管这句话完全正确，但这句话不太可能让斯托伊克有一个更好的心态。