19 Hiccup’s Birthday Present

19. HICCUP'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT Bertha waited until they were safely out of earshot, and then she shook her fist up at the sky and shouted, 'THAT'S RIGHT, OFF YOU GO, YOU IDIOTIC OLD STINK-POT, US BOG-BURGLARS AREN'T AFRAID OF YOU, YOU KNOW!' 'Well,' sighed Big-Boobied Bertha, 'that was a close one! I have got to admit, Stoick, that skinny prawn of a son of yours may not look up to much, and he may not be able to burgle for toffee, but he can certainly think on his feet.' 'He sure as Thor can burgle for toffee!' objected Stoick, thumping his son delightedly on the back. 'He's burgled a book from the Meathead Public Library—where is the book, Hiccup?' Silently, Hiccup reached inside his backpack and drew out the How to Train Your Dragon book–second edition, and handed it to Stoick. 'Not to mention stealing a Secret Weapon from you and Madguts the Murderous. Not bad for a twelve-year-old, I'd say. And, what's more, he's PROVED that Hooligans are JUST as good at

Burglary as Bog-Burglars. So I think you'll find that I've won our little bet… You'd better stump up those axes, Bertha, like a good little loser…' Stoick rubbed his hands together in glee. Of course, Big-Boobied Bertha could NEVER be described as a 'good little loser', and she swelled up in fury, her beard bristling and her ham-like fists a-clench. But she was a good sport at heart, and a Viking of her word. And after all, young Hiccup here had just saved her from an unpleasant spell in the Ugli-thug Slavelands… She'd have escaped of course, for you can't keep a Bog-Burglar under lock and key, but it would have been a nasty experience nonetheless… So her stormy brow cleared, and she reached into her axe-belt and brought out two of her finest axes, and gave them to Stoick with reasonable good humour. After all, at the end of the day, she had lost two axes but gained a rather magnificent sword, and a Murderous sword is hard to come by. 'EXCELLENT!' roared Stoick the Vast. 'I hope you'll join us this evening for Hiccup's Birthday Banquet?' 'BUT OF COURSE!' thundered Big-Boobied Bertha, rubbing her hands together excitedly, for she

was always the life and soul of the party. 'I shall be presenting him with a new sword as a birthday present!' boomed Stoick, trying (unsuccessfully), to sound careless and not BURSTING with pride at his son's achievements this afternoon. 'A sword suitable for a boy who is now a twelve-year-old and the son of a Viking Chief… not to mention a Burglar of some distinction…' 'Um, Father,' interrupted Hiccup. 'I'm quite pleased with my old sword really… there's something ELSE that I would really like as a birthday present…' 'You can have ANYTHING!' promised Stoick, rashly, because he was so delighted to have won his bet against Big-Boobied Bertha. 'Anything at all! Axes, spears, a new dragon, anything at all!' 'Well…' said Hiccup slowly, 'what I would really really like now the Hairy Scary Librarian is got rid of, is for books not to be banned, and that Library to be open to the public again. Those Driller-Dragons are making an awful mess of the place.' Stoick's brows descended angrily. This wasn't what he had been thinking of at all! 'I KNOW you think How to Train Your Dragon is the only book worth having, and that Vikings don't need books, but there are LOADS of books in that

Library that you would find incredibly useful,' pleaded Hiccup, 'books about swordfighting, about axe- work, about all the different types of dragons. Books with maps in, that will help you sail to Africa, and India and America…' 'No such place!' snorted Stoick. 'We nearly DIED in that Library,' said Hiccup, 'but we didn't because we knew How to Deal with a Piffleworm. And that's how books can help you, Father. They can save your life, they really can…' Stoick looked thoughtful. From out of his breast pocket he drew the scruffy copy of A Hero's Guide to Deadly Dragons that he had confiscated from Hiccup earlier that morning. This notebook really HAD saved Stoick's life, only ten minutes earlier. For when the Hairy Scary Librarian shot that arrow, the sharp point of it had sunk into the book rather than into Stoick's chest. It had nearly cut the poor bedraggled book in half, so deep had been the wound.

Maybe it was a sign from Thor. Perhaps books weren't as dangerous as they looked, and maybe they really could be useful to the Viking Tribes. He'd always wanted to go to Africa… 'MMMmmm,' grunted Stoick the Vast. He handed A Hero's Guide to Deadly Dragons back to Hiccup. A Viking Chief SHOULDN'T change his mind… thought Stoick. So he tried to sound as stern and Chiefly as he could, in the hope that nobody would notice. 'Um, I REALLY think you need to write this book out again, Hiccup,' scolded Stoick sternly. 'Look at it, it's in a disgraceful state. And as for that other matter… I'll speak to "the Thing" about it.' Hiccup grinned delightedly.

Stoick the Vast and Big-Boobied Bertha stomped off, spiritedly discussing Axe-Fighting Moves, and who was the better Wrestler. But of Course I'm a better axe-fighter than you are, Stoick, you Hooligans couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag, why I bet you two of my finest swords that. 'Happy birthday, Hiccup,' smiled Fishlegs. 'You must admit,' said Camicazi, looking at Hiccup a trifle anxiously, 'it's been a really good one.'