20 Hiccup the God

20. HICCUP THE GOD The Romans flocked to the Circuses in their thousands to be entertained. They expected a glorious theatrical experience– blood, guts, heroism, feats of astonishing physical prowess. They were certainly getting their money's worth NOW. This was a sight no one had ever seen before. A flying boy? The crowd leaped to their feet, amazed. Fishlegs nearly fell out of the boat. And slowly, majestically, Hiccup rose up through the rain with his arms spread out wide, as if held up by magical forces. 'Brilliant,' whispered Camicazi. 'I don't know HOW he's doing it, but it's brilliant.' Hiccup rose and rose up to the metal 'ceiling' of the amphitheatre, the netting that the sharp teeth of the Flashfangs had failed to bite through in their terror… At a single stroke of

Hiccup's hand the netting split in two… He burst through and hung in the air, every awestruck eye upon him. The Fat Consul fell to his knees. Even Alvin's jaw dropped. 'MY NAME,' boomed Hiccup, in a voice he had never used before, 'MY NAME IS THOR THE THUNDERER, ANCIENT GOD OF THE VIKING TRIBES!' The crowd gasped. 'WELL MAY YOU TREMBLE,' bellowed Hiccup. 'FOR YOU ROMANS HAVE INVADED SACRED VIKING TERRITORIES AND MADE ME MAD…' 'We're very, very sorry…' stammered the Fat Consul. 'FOR THIS,' boomed Hiccup solemnly, 'I HAVE

SENT A PLAGUE UPON YOU AS THEIR LEADER…' The Consul scratched himself miserably. 'AND I SHALL PLAGUE YOU FOR EVER UNLESS YOU PROMISE TO GO FROM HERE AND NEVER RETURN.' 'We promise,' said the Consul. 'Here,' he sobbed, 'I offer you my shield, O Mighty One, as a sign of your protection from the Romans. Never again shall we come this far north.' 'I WILL TAKE YOUR SHIELD AS A SIGN OF YOUR PROMISE,' cried Hiccup, 'AND ALSO THE BOOK YOUR SERVANT STOLE FROM ME… OH, AND ONE MORE THING…' 'Anything, anything,' pleaded the Consul. 'I EXPECT YOU TO BE A STRICT VEGETARIAN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.' The godlike Hiccup flew towards the Consul's balcony. Still on his knees, the Consul offered him the rectangular Roman shield. Alvin put his trembling hand into his breast pocket and found the tattered copy of How to Speak Dragonese, the two halves sewn together carefully with golden Roman thread.

He fumbled to get rid of the booby trap he had placed inside the book. For Alvin was a careful man. He had slipped something very nasty indeed between the pages, a nanodragon called the Venomous Vorpent, so that anybody who tried to steal the book would get a horrible shock. But one does not booby- trap a god, and Alvin was desperately trying to shake out the poisonous nanodragon, when he caught a close-up sight of the shirt Hiccup was wearing… 'Hang on a second…' said Alvin. But it was too late. Hiccup snatched the book from him (still with the Venomous Vorpent inside it, please note), and rose swiftly into the air. He held the shield victoriously above his head and made his final speech. 'I HOLD THE SHIELD AS A SIGN OF YOUR PROMISE… BUT IF YOU EVER BREAK THAT PROMISE, YOU CAN TELL YOUR CAESAR THAT THE FORCE OF MY ANGER SHALL REACH INTO THE HEART OF THE EMPIRE AND ROME HERSELF WILL BE SWEPT AWAY BY THE DELUGE…' Hiccup pointed his sword at the dam.

Right on cue a couple of cracks appeared. And the dam split in half and numberless tons of seawater burst into the stadium.