4 Whose coffin is this anyway

4. WHOSE COFFIN IS THIS ANYWAY? The boys all crowded around the box, forgetting, in their curiosity, about their narrow escape from drowning. 'It's a coffin, sir.' 'Yes, I can see that, thank you, Wartihog,' snapped Gobber the Belch. 'The question is, whose?' The answer was written right underneath the words 'Do Not Open This Coffin', in letters scratched out with some kind of dagger, and stained with something that might once have been blood. 'CURSED BE HE WHO DISTURBS THE REMAINS OF GRIMBEARD THE GHASTLY THE GREATEST PIRATE WHO EVER STRUCK TERROR INTO THE INNER ISLES.' Hiccup felt a cold clammy shiver run down his back, and he suddenly knew that something really bad was going to happen. Grimbeard the Ghastly had been Hiccup's own great-great-grandfather. 'The Lost Treasure of Grimbeard the Ghastly' was a popular Hooligan Saga. It told of how

Grimbeard had won a glorious treasure through his brilliance at piracy and swordfighting, a treasure that included his famous sword, the Stormblade.

But after twenty years of glorious rule, Grimbeard had disappeared on a mysterious quest, and neither he nor the treasure were ever seen again. And now here, out of the blue, one hundred years later, his coffin had appeared back on the shores of Berk… It was spooky. 'OOOOOOOOH,' chattered Wartihog in excitement. 'Do you think there might be TREASURE in there, sir? Can we open it, sir? Pleasesir, pleasesir, can we open it?' All the other boys joined in the clamour… except for Hiccup. Hiccup knew that Grimbeard had been the ULTIMATE in pirate-ness, the GREEDIEST, GRISLIEST, GORIEST Viking who had ever sailed and slew and farted his way across the Northern Seas. Treasure or no treasure, if a man like Grimbeard the Ghastly was telling you not to mess with his coffin, it was Hiccup's personal opinion that you ought to listen. Even if he had been dead for a hundred years. Particularly if he had been dead for a hundred years. 'Right,' said Gobber, just as excited as everybody

else, 'we're going to have to forget about the Advanced Rudery lesson. This is an Important Discovery and I think we should take it straight to Stoick the Vast and the Council of Elders. Bearhug, Sharpknife, Wartihog, Clueless, pick it up and carry it back to the Hooligan Village…' The boys hauled the coffin on to their shoulders. 'Don't just hang about shivering, you lazy lug- fish,' Gobber bellowed crazily. 'This is Pirate Training, not a holiday with your mother on the Mainland. QUICK MARCH, one-two, one-two, one-two…' He set off at a brisk trot towards the Hooligan Village. The boys sighed and began to stumble after him. Snotlout and Dogsbreath the Duhbrain sauntered over to Hiccup, who was sitting trying to catch his breath on a large rock, shivering violently. 'A shame that Dogsbreath was interrupted,' sneered Snotlout, 'just when things were getting interesting, don't you think, Dogsbreath?' 'Yeah,' grinned Dogsbreath the Duhbrain. 'I reckon,' said Snotlout thoughtfully to the remaining boys, 'that Hiccup must be the most pathetic swordfighter I have EVER seen, don't you

think, guys? I mean, face it, Hiccup, somebody who fights like a granny with a back problem is NEVER going to be Chief of this Tribe…' 'Oh, and so who is going to be Chief of this Tribe if Hiccup isn't?' asked Fishlegs, still lying spreadeagled on the sand in the exact position where he had fallen off the coffin. 'Let me guess… YOU, I suppose?' Snotlout flexed his muscles, making the skeleton tattooed on his right bicep grin smugly. 'I AM the obvious choice,' he said. 'I've got noble blood…' (Snotlout was Hiccup's cousin, the son of Baggybum the Beerbelly, the Chief 's younger brother) 'charisma… good looks…' (Snotlout stroked the rather unpleasant little straggly hairs on his upper lip that he was trying to grow into a moustache)'… and I'm BRILLIANT at absolutely everything…' Unfortunately this was true. Snotlout was a natural at Mindless Violence, superb at Advanced Rudery and practically everything else.'… particularly swordfighting,' said Snotlout, drawing his sword from its scabbard. The other boys gasped.

'Wow,' breathed Speedifist. 'The latest Double-Sided Extra-Biting Supa-Sword. Curving inner edges, silverpoint finish… where did you get THAT from, Snotlout?' 'This is the Flashcut,' boasted Snotlout, swishing the beautiful sword around so that everybody could get a good look. 'Makes that silly Swiftpoint Scaremaker that Dogsbreath lost for you look pretty weak, doesn't it, Hiccup? Let me show you how Swordfighting should be done. This,' sneered Snotlout, lunging athletically, 'is a Perfect Pointer…' Hiccup dodged. 'And this is the Destroyer's Defence…' Snotlout gave an animal howl and brought the sword down over his head, stopping just before he cut Hiccup in half. 'And that,' jeered Snotlout, slashing the Flashcut expertly from side to side and then leaping forward suddenly, the sword ending up just inches away from Hiccup's heart, 'that is a Grimbeard's Grapple…