14 A Little Lesson From Camicazi

14. A LITTLE LESSON FROM CAMICAZI IN CAUSING CHAOS AND CONFUSION A few minutes earlier, the Alvinsmen had run out on to the platform above the icy sea and scanned the waters below for any sign of Hiccup. 'He won't be able to hold his breath for long!' shrieked Alvin. 'Get the Bullguards' searchlights steady on the water!' Hundreds of hovering Bullguards illuminated the sea around the Great Hall, revealing a heaving mass of Winterfleshers in a feeding frenzy. 'Look, Alvin, my darling! They're eating something!' sang the witch happily. 'It must be the boy!' 'I want evidence!' shrieked Alvin. 'I want a body! Anyway, that's not Hiccup, that's my new cloak, it fell off earlier…' Recently freed by Snotlout, Gobber and the Dragonmarkers peered out the Great Hall door, uncertain whether to attack or escape. There were twenty-two of them, which wasn't really enough to put up a good fight in a straight battle with thousands and thousands of Alvinsmen.

'Wait…' hissed the witch, stiffening as if something had stung her. 'What's that?' From nowhere at all came the disembodied sound of somebody singing the Hooligan National Anthem. 'Up with your SWORD and strike at the GALE… 'RIDE the rough SEAS for those WAVES are your HOME…' 'I know that voice!' spat the witch. 'Surely it can't be… Surely it can't be Valhallarama???' On the song went, as jolly and as happy and unconcerned as if the singer were singing round the campfire on Berk. 'WINTERS may FREEZE but our HEARTS do not FAIL… '…HOOLIGAN… HEARTS… FOREVER!' Alvin, too, had frozen. 'But… that means the Dragonmarkers have found our war bunker!' 'Impossible!' screeched the witch. 'Unbelievable! Inconceivable!'

But the next words were shouted, and to everyone's ears they were clearly the booming, clear, distinctive tones of VALHALLARAMA the Mighty, Valhallarama the Terrible, Valhallarama the Great and Magnificent Warrior. 'ATTTACCCCKKKKKKKKK!' roared the voice of Valhallarama. 'DRAGONMARKERS ATTAACCKKKKKKKK!' Down swooped the Deadly Shadow in his invisible dive. Camicazi must have had the luck of a drunk or foolish person, for how the Deadly Shadow made it through that complicated mess of Bullguard lightning bolts without being struck was an absolute miracle. The witch went even whiter than normal. 'Valhallarama's forces…' she whispered. 'Quick… Counter-attack! Man the barricades!' Pandemonium ensued, with the Alvinsmen rushing for their weapons and firing randomly in the air as something enormous and invisible swooped down, sank a couple of lightning bolts into the Great Hall, and soared upwards again. Fishlegs opened his eyes shakily. 'OK, Camicazi, I have to admit, that was kind of brilliant.'

'You see,' grinned Camicazi, 'we're an army! We're an entire Dragonmarker army…' She winked at him cheekily. 'Watch this…' Camicazi took out a handful of little grey pebbles and flung them in six different directions. They sailed through the air, just normal little grey pebbles… but when they landed… BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The little pebbles exploded, creating the impression that the town was being attacked in six different places, by six different dragons, all at the same time. BOOOOOOOOOM! The sixth pebble caused a very large explosion indeed, as it scored a direct hit on Alvin's armoury and hit the blacksmith's fire burning merrily away in the middle. 'HOOOLIGANS FOREVER!' bellowed Camicazi, in what was supposed to be an impression of Stoick the Vast. Even with the help of the helmet, it came out a bit squeaky. 'Your Stoick impression isn't as good as your Valhallarama,' advised Fishlegs. 'It's about as convincing as your blond moustache.' Blind panic came over the Alvinsmen. 'They're using Stealth Dragons!' roared Alvin

the Treacherous. 'Fire randomly in the air because we won't be able to see them coming! They're coming from the air you fools, the air!' But it appeared these Dragonmarkers were attacking from the land as well. 'ATTTACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!' yelled Gobber the Belch. And the Dragonmarkers that Snotlout had released leapt from the Great Hall and began to fight the Alvinsmen. They were massively outnumbered of course, but fortunately most of the Alvinsmen army had already launched into the air on dragonback to counter an entirely imaginary Stealth Dragon assault. They shot randomly in the air, mostly hitting Bullguards, who then thought they had been hit by Dragonmarkers and started shooting back. So began the Battle Underneath the Waterfall, which, thanks to Camicazi's brilliance at causing chaos and confusion, mostly consisted of Alvinsmen and Bullguards fighting each other rather than the enemy.