4 How to train your dragon

4. HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 'HA HA HA HA!' Snotlout was laughing so hard that he hadn't managed to say anything at all. The boys were hanging about the village gates, taking the opportunity to show off the dragons that they had caught. Hiccup had tried to walk through without being noticed, but Snotlout had stopped him. 'Let's see what pathetic creature Hiccup has got,' said Snotlout, and took off the lid. 'Oh, this is BRILLIANT– look at it!' said Snotlout, when he finally got his breath back from laughing. 'What IS it, Hiccup? An ickle brown bunny rabbit with wings? A flower fairy? A fluffy flying frog? Gather round everybody and see the magnificent animal that Our Future Leader has caught himself!' 'Oh, Hiccup, you are useless,' crowed Speedifist. 'You're the son of a CHIEF, for Thor's sake. Why didn't you get one of those

new Monstrous Nightmares with the six-foot wing-span and the extra-extendable claws? They're really mean killers, they are.' 'I have one,' grinned Snotlout, gesturing to the terrifying-looking, flame-red animal fast asleep in his basket. 'I think I shall call her FIREWORM. What are you going to call yours, Hiccup? Sweetums? Sugarlips? Babyface?' Hiccup's dragon took this particular moment to give a huge yawn, opening his tiny mouth wide to reveal a flickering, forked tongue, very pink gums and ABSOLUTELY NO TEETH AT ALL. Snotlout laughed so hard, Dogsbreath had to hold him upright.

'TOOTHLESS!' cried Snotlout. 'Hiccup has found himself the only TOOTHLESS dragon in the uncivilised world! This is too good. Hiccup the USELESS and his dragon, TOOTHLESS!' Fishlegs leapt to Hiccup's defence. 'Well, you are not allowed that Monstrous Nightmare that you've got there, Snotface Snotlout. Only the son of a Chief is allowed a Monstrous Nightmare. That Fireworm dragon is Hiccup's, by right.' Snotlout's eyes narrowed. He grabbed Fishlegs's arm and twisted it viciously behind his back. 'Nobody's listening to you, you plankton-hearted, fish-legged, disaster area,' sneered Snotlout. 'Thanks to you and your snivelling, sneezing disability, that whole military operation was nearly a total disaster. When I'm Chief of this Tribe the first thing I'm going to do is boot anybody with a pathetic allergy like yours straight out into exile. You're not fit to be a Hooligan!' Fishlegs went very white in the face, but he still managed to gasp out, 'But you are NOT going to be Chief of this Tribe. HICCUP is going to be

Chief of this Tribe.' Snotlout dropped Fishlegs's arm and advanced menacingly on Hiccup. 'Oh, he is, is he?' jeered Snotlout. 'So, I'm not allowed that Monstrous Nightmare, am I? Our Future Leader is keeping very quiet about it, isn't he? Come on, Hiccup, I'm stealing your inheritance. What are you going to do about it, then, eh?' The boys all looked solemn. Snotlout really had broken an ancient Viking rule. 'Hiccup should challenge you for the dragon,' said Fishlegs slowly, and everybody swivelled round to look expectantly at Hiccup. 'Oh, brilliant,' muttered Hiccup under his breath. 'Thank you, Fishlegs. My day just gets better and better.' Snotlout was a great brute of a boy who didn't really need Dogsbreath's help when it came to bashing people up. He wore specially-constructed, bronze-tipped sandals in order to cause maximum damage when kicking people. Hiccup tried to stay out of his way as much as he possibly could. But he couldn't ignore this insult to his status, now Fishlegs had helpfully pointed it out, without

looking like a coward in front of the other boys. And if you became known as a coward in the Hooligan Tribe, you might as well go the whole hog and wear a pale pink jerkin, take up playing the harp, and change your name to Ermintrude. 'I challenge you, Snotface Snotlout, for the dragon, Fireworm, who is mine by right,' said Hiccup, trying to hide his reluctance by speaking as loudly and formally as he could. 'I accept your challenge,' said Snotlout super-fast, grinning all over his horrid, smug face. 'Axes or fists?' 'Fists,' said Hiccup. Because axes were a REALLY bad idea. 'I shall look forward to showing you how a real Future Hero fights,' said Snotlout, and then he

remembered something. 'AFTER the Initiation thing on Thor'sday Thursday, though. I don't want to stub my toe or anything while I'm kicking you all around the village.' 'Hiccup might win,' Fishlegs pointed out. 'OF COURSE he won't win,' boasted Snotlout. 'Look at my sporting ability, my Viking courage, my capacity for mindless violence. I shall win just as surely as I shall be Chief of this Tribe one day. I mean, look at my dragon and then look at HIS dragon.' He pointed mockingly at Toothless. 'The gods have spoken. It's only a matter of time.' 'In the meantime,' Snotlout carried on, 'I shall live in fear of being gummed to death by Hiccup's terrifying, toothless terrapin.' And Snotlout sauntered off in a lordly fashion, giving Hiccup a nasty kick on the shins as he did so. 'Sorry about the challenge,' Fishlegs apologised, after they had left the baskets with the dragons in them under their beds at their homes. 'Oh, don't worry about it,' said Hiccup. 'Somebody would have got me to do it anyway. You know how they all love a fight.'