12 The Green Death

12. THE GREEN DEATH It is one thing to approach a primeval nightmare when you are part of a crowd of four hundred people. It is quite another to do so on your own. Hiccup had to force himself to put one foot in front of the other. Stoick offered to send a guard of his finest soldiers, but Hiccup preferred to go alone. 'Less chance of anybody doing anything Heroic and stupid,' he said. Although this is the part of the story that the bards tend to focus on as the bit where Hiccup was particularly Heroic, I do not agree. It is a lot easier to be brave when you know you have no alternative. Hiccup knew in his heart of hearts that the Monster intended to kill them all anyway. So he didn't have a lot to lose. Nonetheless, he was sweating as he peered over the edge of the cliff. There, below him, was the impossibly large Dragon, filling up the beach. It appeared to be asleep. But an eerie singing was coming from the direction of its belly. The song went something like this:

'Watch me, Great Destroyer, as I settle down to lunch, Killer whales are tasty 'cos they've got a lot of crunch. Great white sharks are scrumptious, but here's a little tip: Those teeny weeny pointy teeth can give a nasty nip…' How odd, thought Hiccup, he can sing with his mouth shut. Hiccup nearly jumped clear out of his leggings when the Dragon opened both his crocodile eyes and spoke directly to him 'Why so odd?' said the Dragon, who appeared to be amused. 'A dragon with his eyes shut is not necessarily asleep, so it follows that a dragon with his mouth shut is not necessarily singing. All is not what it seems. That noise that you hear is not me at all. THAT, my Hero, is the sound of a singing supper.' 'A singing supper?' echoed Hiccup, quickly remembering that you should never, ever, look into the eyes of a large, malevolent Dragon like this one.

He fixed his gaze firmly on one of the Dragon's talons instead. This was a mistake, as Hiccup suddenly realised that the Dragon was holding a herd of pathetically bleating sheep captive under one massive claw. He pretended to allow one of them to escape, let the poor animal practically reach the safety of the rocks, then picked it up by its wool with a delicate pincer movement and tossed it way, way up into the air. This was a trick Hiccup had often done himself, but with blackberries. Now the Dragon threw back his great head and the woolly speck fell down into the terrible jaws, which closed behind it with a mighty crash. There was a horrible sound of crunching as he chewed and swallowed the unfortunate sheep. The Dragon saw Hiccup watching him in fascinated horror and he brought his ridiculously enormous head down closer to the boy. Hiccup nearly

passed out as his offensive Dragon-breath poured out in a disgusting, yellow-green vapour. It was the stench of DEATH itself– a deep, head-spinning stench of decaying matter; of rotting haddock heads and sweating whale; of long-dead shark and despairing souls. The revolting steam curled its way around the boy in repellent coils and wormed its way up into his nose until he coughed and spluttered. 'Some people say you should de-bone a sheep before you eat it,' sneered the Dragon confidentially, 'but I think it adds just a nice crunch to what would otherwise be a bit of a soggy meal…' The Dragon burped. The belch came out as a perfect loop of fire that soared through the air like a smoke ring and landed on the heather surrounding Hiccup, setting it alight, so that for a moment he was standing right in the middle of a circle of bright green flames. The heather was damp, however, and the blaze flared for only a few moments, then extinguished itself. 'Ooops,' giggled the Dragon evilly. 'Pardon me… A little party trick…' He then placed one gigantic claw against the edge of the cliff that Hiccup was standing on.

'Humans, however,' continued the Dragon thoughtfully, 'humans really should be filleted. The spine in particular can be very tickly as it goes down the throat…' As the Dragon spoke, he extended his claws, the talons slowly emerging from the thick stumps of his fingers and rising up until they resembled nothing more than gigantic razors, six feet wide and twenty feet long, with points on the end like a surgeon's scalpel. 'Removing the human backbone is a delicate job,' hissed the Dragon nastily, 'but one that I am particularly good at… a small incision at the back of the neck'– he gestured at Hiccup's neck– 'a swift stroke downwards, then flick it out… it's practically painless. For ME…' The Dragon's eyes lit up with the purest pleasure.

Hiccup was thinking very fast indeed. There is nothing like staring Death in the face for speeding up your thoughts. What did he know about dragons that could work against an Invincible Monster like this one? He could see the Dragon Motivation page he had written in his mind's eye. GRATITUDE: dragons are never grateful. FEAR: clearly hopeless. GREED: not a good idea to appeal to at this particular point in time. VANITY and REVENGE: could be useful but he couldn't quite think how. That left JOKES AND RIDDLING TALK. This Dragon looked a bit exalted for jokes. But from his manner of talking he clearly fancied himself as a bit of a philosopher. Maybe Hiccup could buy himself some time if he engaged him in a riddling conversation… 'I've heard of singing for your supper,' said Hiccup, 'but what is a singing supper?' 'A good question,' said the Dragon, in surprise. 'An EXCELLENT question, in fact.' He drew back his claws and Hiccup sighed with relief. 'It's a long time since the supper has shown such intelligence. They're generally too bound up with their titchy little lives to bother with the Really Big Questions.