4 The Close Calls

The Close Calls Unfortunately, Mr. Nickle was not the sort of man who accepted directions of a bogging nature. Everywhere Ebenezer and Bethany went, they were haunted by his calls. He called all the departments in the hospital, while Bethany and Ebenezer were delivering hampers to the children. He called every telephone box in the area as they

handed out the hampers at the homeless shelter. Next up was the retirement home. Bethany didn't much care for the place, but Ebenezer adored comparing their wrinkled, wizened faces with his own wonderfully creaseless one. As they walked into the home's lounge and opened up the hampers, the wrinkly faces in the room crinkled with joy at the various sweets, sandwiches, and smoothies on offer. "Excuse me," said one of the wrinkly minxes—a former showgirl, who could still do the splits at the age of eighty-nine. "Would it be possible to take a photograph?" Ebenezer smiled smugly, as the showgirl handed him the old-fashioned camera. He was excellent at photographs, because he had

spent a lot of time sitting for portraits in the Posing Gallery of the fifteen-story house. "Which would you prefer from me, dear lady? A playful pout, or an ear-to-ear grin?" he asked, as he cozied up next to her. "I think you've misunderstood me," said the showgirl. "I don't want to have a photograph with you. I want you to take one of me and your friend." "You want one with Bethany?" said Ebenezer. "But I'm much prettier!" "Just take the photograph," said the showgirl. She pushed Ebenezer away and put her arms around a perplexed Bethany. "Say cheese!" "Say it yourself, you lazy git," said Bethany. The scowl on her face deepened as the

showgirl grinned and did the splits next to her. "Can I have one taken with you as well?" asked another oldie in a moth-eaten sweater. "Why?" asked Bethany suspiciously. "Why?! I want proof of meeting one of the kindest people in the world!" said the oldie. Bethany had never been called kind by a stranger before. She walked over to the oldie and scowled even harder as Ebenezer grumpily snapped the camera. Soon everyone wanted a picture with Bethany—and all of them showered her with compliments that she didn't know how to accept. She responded by pulling rude faces in all the pictures. As Ebenezer irritably snapped the final snap, Nurse Mindy came over.

"I read Miss Muddle's invitation out to them earlier, and they were all so excited to see you again, Bethany," she said. She looked pointedly at Ebenezer. "It's so nice to have someone in the neighborhood who's doing actual good." "What are you talking about? The Wise Tweezer offered you some excellent problem- solving, Nurse Mindy!" said Ebenezer.

Nurse Mindy snorted. "I asked you to help us with the home's hearing-aid system. But after three weeks in your 'Contemplation Chambers,' the only idea you came up with was for us all to speak using megaphones!" "I thought it was a good idea," said Ebenezer quietly. "Hey, don't be mean to him," said Bethany, targeting her scowl at Nurse Mindy. "He's trying his best." "It would be best for everyone if he didn't try at all," said Nurse Mindy. "By the way, there's a call for both of you at reception. We said you were busy, but apparently you're the only ones who can help with some sort of feet, or yeast, problem he's having." "Tell him we're not here," said Bethany.