18 The Sinister Sandwich

The Sinister Sandwich Bethany woke up early in the morning and prepared the meatiest sandwich she had ever made—tearing out the soft innards of a French baguette and stuffing it with strips of chicken, pork, beef, boar, ox, and anything else she could find in the meat fridges. She put some cheese on the top to disguise what was inside.

Bethany had hoped to make the sandwich in peace and sneak it up to the beast nice and early. But before she finished making it, Ebenezer came downstairs. He was dressed in an even sillier outfit than usual, and his face was positively dripping with smugness. "Good morning!" he said. "Making another peculiar sandwich? Well, I hope it turns out excellently." Bethany scowled. She still wasn't anywhere near close to forgiving him. "What are you doing up so early?" she asked. "The Wise Tweezer is about to do a record day of business," said Ebenezer. He practically skipped from the kitchen to the front room. "Just look at this!"

He drew open the curtains to reveal a huge crowd of people on the front lawn of the fifteen-story house. "Isn't it marvelous?" said Ebenezer. "They must have heard about all my do-gooding from yesterday." "You mean the beast's vomiting," said Bethany. "Yes, yes—it's the same thing, really. After all, they wouldn't have received any vomit in the first place, if I hadn't been clever enough to take the beast out on tour," said Ebenezer. He turned around and saw that the scowl on Bethany's face had deepened. "Now, I know we've had our tiffles, but I really think we should put this whole arguing business behind us. Soon enough you'll see that I'm right on this one."

"Soon enough you'll see what an idiot you've been," said Bethany. She grabbed her baguette and headed for the staircase. However, before she could even take a step, the beast whooshed down in its canoe—still wearing the dog costume. "Whooopeeeeesies!" it cried, as it wiggled the canoe to a halt in the hallway. "Morning, Bethany. Morning, Ebby-kneesies! When can I start vomiting?" "I'm sure that someone will ring the doorbell any min—" began Ebenezer. He was going to say any minute, but the correct term would have been any millisecond, because the doorbell immediately started dingedy-donging. "Ooh, yaysies!" said the beast. "Hurry, bestie, hurry!"

Ebenezer checked himself in the hallway mirror, blushed at how pretty he was looking in his new outfit, and opened the door. As usual, the queue was headed by Eduardo Barnacle. "The word of the day on my loo paper today was 'astounding.' A very fitting word, I believe, because I've been truly astounded by everything your gardening gnomes have done for my garden," said Eduardo, who had prepared a little speech. "I hope you don't think me greedy, but I was wondering whether you might have anything that might make my garden even prettier?" Ebenezer shut the door in Eduardo's face and turned to the beast. The beast vomited out some instant growing seeds for a flower

that could help sniffers rediscover forgotten memories. "Give these to the gnomes, Eduardo," said Ebenezer as he reopened the door. "They should prove a real treat for the nostrils." "Mr. Tweezer, I am astounded—you are fast becoming one of the most wonderful people in the neighborhood," said Eduardo. Then he said something that made Ebenezer grin and Bethany grimace. "If I were Miss Muddle, I'd throw tomorrow's party in honor of you instead."