7 The Snazzy Barnacle

The Snazzy Barnacle Bethany and Ebenezer ran backstage. Claudette lay unconscious behind the curtain, whilst Mr. and Mrs. Cussock peered over her in a questioning manner. Bethany pulled out a catapult from her backpack, loaded it with a rotten tomato, and pointed it at the Cussocks. "Who did this to her?" she asked. "Show yourself, or I will show you the true meaning of pain."

No one stepped forward. No one was shown the true meaning of pain. "I think she just collapsed," said Ebenezer. "Perhaps it's all part of the performance," suggested Mr. Cussock. "There are many plays where the principal character dies at the end of the show. Although it's a little unusual to see it happening in a singing concert." "More Hurricane! More Hurricane!" roared the remains of the audience on the other side of the curtain. "Should we… oh, I don't know… call someone or something?" asked Mrs. Cussock. Before anyone had time to call someone or something, Claudette woke up. She stumbled to her talons and looked around the stage. Her eyes were filled with fear and uncertainty.

"What happened?" she asked. "Still investigating," said Bethany. She waved her catapult threateningly around the stage. "You fell over. Maybe the encore was too much for you?" said Mr. Cussock. "No, that can't be it. Wintlorian parrots are always ready to sing another song," said Claudette. "Or maybe you haven't had enough to eat?" suggested Ebenezer. Hope flittered into Claudette's eyes. "Well, the only thing I've eaten recently is a banana. I flew here straight from the bird-keeper's, and he didn't offer me so much as a worm to eat. Bethany, would you mind awfully if I…?" asked Claudette, looking hopefully at the rotten tomato.

Bethany unloaded the catapult and chucked the tomato in the air. Claudette caught it in her beak and ate it with a single gulp. A little color returned to her pale, purple cheeks. "Can I get you anything else? Water? Bandages? Some ice for your head?" asked Bethany. "Oh, don't worry about that. I'm feeling much better now, I promise," said Claudette. "There's no need to make a fuss." "More Hurricane! More Hurricane!" roared the impatient audience. Claudette hobbled over to the curtain, but Mrs. Cussock held her back. "I don't think you're ready for any more songs," she said. "But there's no one else who can finish the show," said Claudette.

Right on cue, Gloria made her grand return to the stage, determined to give the small crowd what they didn't want. Bethany and the others heard Gloria clear her throat on the other side of the curtain. "Everyone, I have the most wonderful news!" shouted Gloria in her affected voice. "I have literally just written a brand-new song. It's called… 'Tornado Snacktime'!" "Tornado Snacktime" was a rip-off of "Hurricane Picnic," and not a very good one at that. Gloria screeched and tap-danced her way through the number, causing people to flee for the doors as fast as their legs could carry them. When she finally took her bow, there wasn't a single person left in the audience,

but Gloria didn't notice. She walked through the curtain to join Bethany and the others. "Wasn't that just marvelous?" said Gloria. "Did you see my standing ovation?" "That wasn't a standing ovation. That was people getting up to leave," said Bethany. Gloria gave Bethany a nasty stare. She didn't appreciate negative feedback. "Give me that catapult," said Gloria. "I'm gonna use it as a prop in the next show I put on at the orphanage." "Bog off, bog breath," said Bethany as she grasped the catapult tighter. Gloria Cussock was not used to taking no, or indeed "Bog off, bog breath," for an answer. She put her hands on her hips, bent her knobbly knees, and started scraping her tap shoes along the floor—creating a deeply