4 The Tard Sale

The Yard Sale Bethany had set up a stand on the street next to the lawn, with a sign that read: WE'RE GETTING RID OF EVERYTHING BEASTLY—ALL PROFITS WILL GO TO THE ORPHANAGE "We need to take that down—right away," said Ebenezer. "Oh, don't be like that, old sport. Bethany and I spent all morning making it," said

Claudette. "I don't care," said Ebenezer. "The beast was always clear that I should keep it hidden from the rest of the world. It said that if people knew about its powers, then we would attract unwanted attention from the Division of Removing Rapscallions in Secret and other people." "The beast isn't here anymore, and I like the sign. So it's staying up," said Bethany. She folded her arms to indicate that this was the end of the conversation. Ebenezer was about to ignore the arm-crossing and plead once more, but their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of their first customer. Eduardo Barnacle was a pompous boy with nostrils the size of fists,

and he was usually the first person to show up to any street fair or gathering. "Ah, Mr. Tweezer, how thrilling to find you here. I wasn't going to come, because I feared this might be another one of Bethany's pranks," said Eduardo. "Bog off, Barnacle!" said Bethany. Eduardo did nothing of the sort. He picked up The Golden Boy (Ebenezer's favorite painting) and took a deep sniff. "Mmmnh! You can really smell the artistry in this one." "It's not for sale. None of the paintings are," said Ebenezer. Claudette gave him a pointed look, but he didn't change his mind. Other people might have shopped elsewhere in the face of such rudeness, but Eduardo Barnacle was not your usual sort of

customer. He strolled around the lawn, browsing for something else that might be suitable to purchase. His nostrils led him to a cheeseless cheese board—a diamond-encrusted one that the beast had vomited out after Ebenezer brought it a small family of beavers to eat. "What about this fine culinary specimen? Is this one for sale?" asked Eduardo. Ebenezer hadn't used the diamond cheese board for over fifty years, but he didn't want to part with it. He was just about to tell Eduardo to take his nostrils elsewhere when he was treated to a furious kick from Bethany—and it was the sort of kick that told him he shouldn't push his luck any further. "Humph, fine, then," said Ebenezer to Eduardo. "But make sure you look after it."

"Don't you worry, Mr. Tweezer, I shall treat it as if it were part of my very own soul." Eduardo took out his fat wallet. "How much do I owe you?" Ebenezer and Bethany looked at each other. Neither of them was good with money, Bethany because she had never really had any, and Ebenezer because he had always had too much. Claudette was also pretty useless, as she was accustomed to using Wintlorian yen. "Three thousand and two pounds," said Ebenezer. "A bowl of fruit and a brand-new pencil case," said Bethany at the same time. Ebenezer, Bethany, and Claudette excused themselves from Eduardo for a moment. After a heated conversation they settled upon the

price of twelve pounds and seventy-three pence. It was an excellent deal, and Eduardo was so delighted that he also took away Raphael, the windup rubber ducky. Eduardo spread the word that the yard sale wasn't an elaborate Bethany prank, so soon nearly everyone in the neighborhood turned up to get a little something for themselves. Miss Muddle—an eccentric and experimental sweet-maker—picked up the dessert fridges in exchange for some curly-whirly fizzle sticks, whilst the lizard-looking lady who worked at the zoo bought a scooter for the chimpanzees at the wonderful price of three pounds and eighty-seven pence. Even Jared Kettlefletch, who owned the Late-Night Pranking Emporium, came along, and he