6 The Moveable Feast

The Moveable Feast This thing lives on the top floor," said Ebenezer. "And it's very excited to meet you." "If it's so excited to meet me, then why doesn't it come downstairs?" asked Bethany. "It doesn't like to move, unless it's absolutely necessary." Ebenezer headed up the stairs, followed reluctantly by Bethany. The journey up fifteen flights passed slowly, as Bethany made fun of

all the pictures and antiques that lined the walls. Some were criticized for not having proper faces, others for not being colorful enough, and others for being just plain "boring." By the time they reached the top of the stairs, Ebenezer was ready to push Bethany back down them. He didn't, however, because he knew that the beast liked its meals to be fresh. "Try not to be scared," said Ebenezer. "It won't like you if you're scared." "If it tries anything scary, it won't like me!" said Bethany. Ebenezer rolled his eyes. Bethany would find out soon enough that no one was a match for the beast. He creaked open the rickety old door and switched on the light. The room

smelled strongly of boiled cabbage and dead parrot. "Poo-ey!" yelled Bethany, as she shoved two bony fingers up her nose to block out the smell. "I wouldn't say that if I were you. It doesn't like the smell to be mentioned," whispered Ebenezer. "And please don't shout or scream. Those sorts of noises are not welcome here." "It doesn't like baths, either," said Bethany, her voice bunged up by the fingers in her nose. "Has it heard of shampoo?" Ebenezer drew open the red velvet curtains to reveal a very unhappy-looking beast. Clearly, the curtains were not soundproof. When Bethany caught sight of the beast, she screamed wildly. She pulled her hand out

of her nose and pointed a bony, booger-covered finger at the beast. "Eww, gross!" shouted Bethany. "That is absolutely disgusting! It's just a big old horrid lump of eyes, tongues, and gray!" "Please don't listen to her," said Ebenezer to the beast. "She doesn't know what she's saying. There's nothing old or horrid about you—you're a majestic lump!" The beast turned its three eyes to Ebenezer. None of them looked happy.

"I mean, you're not a lump at all. Of course you're not a lump," blurted Ebenezer. "What I meant to say is that you're… you're…"

"I'm hungry," said the beast. "Yes, exactly! You're hungry!" said Ebenezer. The beast returned its eyes to Bethany. The look it gave her was not a friendly one. "You're a very rude child. Tell me, are all children so very rude?" asked the beast. "No idea. I don't know all the children in the world. What about beasts? Are they all slimy and ugly?" asked Bethany. Ebenezer felt that he had seen quite enough of Bethany for one lifetime and that it was about time she was shut up. He had no idea how that other lady who adopted her had managed to last for three days. "Would you like Bethany to come closer to you, so that you can see her better?" Ebenezer asked the beast.