4 The Children's Menu

The Children's Menu The orphanage was a squat, ugly building with cracked windows and peeling paintwork. There was a rusty sign at the top of the gates, which read INSTITUTE FOR GENTLEMANLY BOYS AND LADYLIKE LADIES. Ebenezer shuddered as he looked at the place, and he was shocked that anyone was expected to live there. He thought it was no wonder that the orphanage had so many

children going spare. It was not the sort of place that attracted customers. As Ebenezer got out of his car, he was met by Miss Fizzlewick, the director of the orphanage. She was a tall, thin woman, with stern eyebrows and a wild tangle of gray curls at the top of her head. "Good morning," said Ebenezer.

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Miss Fizzlewick flinched. "The correct greeting when meeting a lady for the first time is 'how do you do?' Now, are you bringing children, or looking to take one away?" "Take one away, please," answered Ebenezer. The twitchy beginnings of a smile formed at the corner of Miss Fizzlewick's lips. It had been several weeks since she had been able to get rid of a child. "You should have said sooner. Come on through!" she said. Miss Fizzlewick decided to show Ebenezer that she was now in a "friendly" mood by smiling at him. Her teeth were yellow and cracked, and her gums were an unhealthy shade of dark red.

"As you can see, I keep a firm watch over this place," she said, as she led him into the building. "I believe it's impossible to raise well-behaved boys and good little girls unless everything is kept clean and tidy." Ebenezer laughed, because he thought this was a joke. The orphanage was dusty, dirty, and littered with cobwebs. "Is there something you find funny?" she asked. "Um, no. I was just thinking about something I saw on TV the other day," answered Ebenezer. Miss Fizzlewick flinched again. She didn't approve of modern technology. "Watching television is most ungentlemanly," she said. Miss Fizzlewick led Ebenezer into her office, which was guarded with a sign that

read NO CHILDREN UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! The room was significantly less dirty, dusty, and cobwebby than the rest of the orphanage, and it was filled with all sorts of fabulous and beautiful things that weren't on display anywhere else. Miss Fizzlewick took a seat at her desk. It was hidden underneath a mountain of paper and teacups. "I'm very organized," she said with a serious face. Ebenezer didn't laugh this time. "Would you like anything to drink?" Ebenezer was thirsty, but he didn't believe that anyone who was so unorganized would be able to make a good cup of tea. "No, I'm fine, thanks," answered Ebenezer. "Good, good. Now let me just fill out the paperwork," said Miss Fizzlewick. She