18 The Stupid Idiot

The Stupid Idiot Ebenezer told Bethany everything. He explained that he had adopted her because she seemed like a horrible girl who deserved to be eaten, and he told her that he had fed her mountains of food because the beast wanted something fat to eat. It was tricky for him to confess the truth, but it was even trickier for Bethany to hear it.

"But why?" was the only thing she could say, after he had finished speaking. "Because the only thing I've ever wanted from life is more life," he said, bitterly. "More things, more years to live, more good looks—more everything! You're a child, so you have no idea how scary it is to get older. "This is my worst nightmare," he said, pointing to his own old body. "I've always been terrified of aging, of losing my looks, of dying before I've had a chance to do everything I want to do. So when the beast offered me a chance to keep on living, in return for a few small favors, I immediately said yes." "Small favors?" said Bethany, in a small voice. "There's nothing small about feeding it a child."

"It didn't start out like this. At first, all the beast wanted me to do was bring it some interesting meals to eat—some plates of roast beef and a chicken pie or two—that sort of thing. Then it wanted to know what it was like to eat living things, first insects, then small animals like rats and pigeons. And as it got bigger, so did its appetite. "There were times when I was uncomfortable, like with Lord Tibbles, but my life was always more important to me than anything else." "And what about me? Am I another Lord Tibbles?" asked Bethany. "No. You're much worse than Lord Tibbles," he answered. "Lord Tibbles was a kind and noble cat, whereas you… you think it's funny to ruin paintings, steal comics, and

demand obscene amounts of chocolate cake. If you were an ounce like Tibbles, then I would never have picked you at the orphanage." Bethany was a tough girl, but she wasn't tough enough to hold back the tears that trickled from her eyes. It's never nice to hear that someone thinks you deserve to be eaten. "But… but I thought you liked me?" she asked, in a wobbling voice. "I didn't. In fact, I was looking forward to serving you to the beast," said Ebenezer. More tears trickled from Bethany's eyes, and a sob escaped from her throat. Ebenezer stood up and sighed. "But, for some ridiculous reason which I really don't understand, I like you now."

Bethany looked up. There was a glimmer of hope in her tear-sodden eyes. "Very unfortunately, you're not quite as awful as I wanted you to be," explained Ebenezer. "And, I suppose, you're actually quite fun to spend time with. I think that maybe, just maybe, as silly as it sounds, this house and my life might feel a little empty if you weren't in it." Ebenezer and Bethany looked at each other and smiled. Then Bethany punched him in the stomach. "You stupid idiot!" she shouted, punching again. She kept punching until he fell back on to the sofa. She picked up a cushion and started bashing him over the head with it. "How dare you try and feed me to the beast! How dare you say those nasty things about

me!" she said, bashing him over the head again and again. It was time for tears to trickle from Ebenezer's eyes. He had never been very good at dealing with pain. Bethany kept bashing and shouting and bashing and shouting until her arms and voice could bash and shout no more. She slumped into the seat next to Ebenezer, out of breath and out of insults. They both stayed sitting there for a while; Ebenezer shed tears of pain, while Bethany let out ones of anger.