13 The Bucket List

The Bucket List Ebenezer did not bog off. He refused to move from his seat, and he defied Bethany by scooping some porridge into his bowl. Meanwhile, Bethany made herself a squashed-muffin sandwich—a new dish that she had recently invented. She laid a blueberry muffin on top of a pain aux raisins, bashed it into little pieces with her fists, and then put

another pain aux raisins on top. She picked the whole thing up, careful not to let any crumbs get away, and then she scoffed it all down in three greedy bites. It was quite a sight to see, and Ebenezer didn't know whether he should be impressed or appalled. As he looked at her, he realized that this was going to be the last day of her life. Tomorrow, she would be nothing but a digested meal at the bottom of the beast's belly. "What are you looking at?" asked Bethany. "Sorry for staring," answered Ebenezer. "I can make you one if you like," she said, grabbing another two pains aux raisins. "Which flavor do you prefer? Blueberry or chocolate?" "Oh no, I'm fine, thanks."

Bethany's face fell. She was disappointed. "Go on then, I'll try one," said Ebenezer. "Blueberry, please." Bethany's face jumped back into place. She unwrapped a muffin, beat it to death, then scattered the corpse between two pains aux raisins. There was a tinge of nervousness, as she presented the finished product to Ebenezer.

As soon as Ebenezer bit into it, he knew it was going to be nasty. There's a reason why

muffins are not usually used as sandwich fillings. "What do you think?" asked Bethany hopefully. "It's delicious," he lied. "Really wonderful." "Great!" Bethany beamed with joy. "I'll make you another one!" "Oh no, no, no—please, no. I'm already stuffed." Bethany shrugged and returned to her own squashed-muffin sandwich. She dipped it in one of the bowls of porridge to improve the flavor, and then immediately regretted the decision. As Ebenezer looked at Bethany, and thought again about her impending death, he came to the conclusion that she was not an entirely horrible person. After all, there must

be a smidgen of good in someone who is capable of sharing both their comics and their unusual sandwich recipes. If this is to be the last day of Bethany's life, thought Ebenezer, then I am going to make sure that it's a good one. "Do you have a bucket list?" he asked her. "I don't have any lists. And if I did, I wouldn't write them on a flipping bucket." "No, that's not what I meant." "It's what you said. You should think about your words more carefully next time." Ebenezer went on to explain that a bucket list is a list that has nothing to do with buckets, and everything to do with death. He explained that everyone has things they want to do before they die, and that these things,