5 If Only

CHAPTER 5 IF ONLY... 'Well, if we're going to have this book ready to read to the bears, we'd better get started,' says Terry. 'I know!' I say (moan). 'But my tooth is still killing me. I hope the money-making machine made enough money for us to buy the Joke Writer 2000TM.'

I pick up a handful of sticky money and start counting. 'One... five... two... (groan)' 'Andy?' says Terry. 'Shush,' I say, 'I'm trying to concentrate. Seven five... nine... (moan)' Q Why didn't the cannibals eat the clown? A Because he tasted funny.

'Um, Andy?' 'Not now, Terry. Ten... eleventeen—' 'ANDY!!!' shouts Terry. 'Stop interrupting me!' I say. 'You've made me lose my place! I'm going to have to start all over again!' 'Sorry,' says Terry. 'But that's what I wanted to talk to you about. The readers and I were wondering if you could count a bit faster... and in the right order.'

'I'm counting as fast—and as well—as I can!' I say. 'But it's taking forever,' says Terry. 'I think you might need a little help. I'm going to the stupid-hat level— I'll be right back.' Q What do penguins wear on their heads? A Ice caps.

A few minutes later Terry returns with a stupid-looking hat, which he puts on my head. 'I don't want to wear this stupid hat,' I say. 'I know it looks stupid,' says Terry, 'but it will make you smart: it's a stupid-looking, super-fast counting hat.' 'Well, in that case,' I say, 'let the super-fast counting begin!'

Q Why was six afraid of seven? A Because seven ate nine.