9 Human Soup

CHAPTER 9 HUMAN SOUP 'Well, this is another fine mess you've gotten us all into, Terry,' I say, as we sit in a pot of water suspended over a fire surrounded by a mob of angry vegetables. 'It's not my fault,' says Terry. 'It was your idea to come to this stupid castle.' 'Only because Jill pricked her finger on a carrot,' I say. 'If it's anybody's fault, it's Jill's.'

'That's got nothing to do with it!' says Jill. 'It's obviously Mr Big Nose's fault for upsetting the vegetables by publishing that mean book.' 'It's not my fault,' says Mr Big Nose. 'It's Vegetable Patty's fault for writing it!'

'Yes, it's Vegetable Patty's fault,' I say to the eggplants. 'You should catch her and put her in the pot and let us all go free. We love vegetables!' 'Yes, vegetables are the best!' says Terry. 'Long live vegetables!' 'Who are you trying to fool?' says one of the eggplants. 'I've read your books! You and Andy hate vegetables!' 'No, we don't,' I say. 'It's fruit we hate- we've got a whole room in our treehouse just for smashing watermelons!'

'Yes, but you also have a vegetable vaporiser,' says the eggplant. 'That was Andy's idea,' says Terry. 'And what about the rocket-powered carrot-launcher?' says the eggplant. 'Whose idea was that?' 'Well,' says Terry, 'that was mine, but the carrots enjoy it!' 'No, they don't! And flying beetroots don't like people riding on them, either. That's why we set them free.'

'So that's where our flying beetroots went!' I say. 'Another mystery solved!' says Terry. 'Excuse me,' says Jill to the eggplant, 'I don't hate vegetables and I'd never dream of hurting one so could you let me go please?' 'No way!' snaps the eggplant. 'You feed truckloads of poor defenceless vegetables to your animals every day. That's why we sent that cursed carrot to your house to put you to sleep.'

'So that's why Jill was asleep!' I say. 'She wasn't cursed —the carrot was!' 'Another mystery solved!' says Terry. 'We are GREAT detectives. We have solved every mystery that we had today!'