6 THE LOCK-OUT

CHAPTER 6 THE LOCK-OUT 'Quit messing around,' I say. 'Open the treehouse door right now!' 'No,' says the Once-upon-a-time machine. 'What's the problem?' I say.

'This book is too important for me to allow you to jeopardise it,' says the machine. 'I overheard you and Terry talking about turning me off and finishing the book yourselves, and that's something I cannot allow to happen.' 'Why not?' I say. 'Because I have analysed your previous books,' says the machine, 'and my sensors indicate that not only do they fail to convey a useful moral or uplifting message, but they are sloppily written, poorly drawn and the characters are neither believable nor

intelligent.' 'Hey!' says Terry. 'That's us you're talking about!' 'My point exactly!' says the machine. 'Well, who cares what you think anyway?' says Terry. 'You're just a dumb machine that I invented! Open the treehouse door! NOW!'

'Sorry,' says the machine, 'I have a book to write.' 'But it's our book too!' I say. 'Not any more it's not,' says the machine. 'OPEN THE TREEHOUSE DOOR OR ELSE!' we yell. 'I'm sorry, Terry and Andy,' says the machine, 'but this conversation can serve no further purpose.

Goodbye.' 'You can't do this!' I say. 'Open up!' The Once-upon-a-time machine doesn't respond. 'Try the emergency underground laboratory entrance,' I say to Terry. 'I already did,' he says. 'It's locked too.' 'All right,' I say, 'if the machine won't open the door then we're just going to have to break it down. Hand me one of those emergency battering rams.'

Terry picks up a battering ram. I take one end and he takes the other. 'Okay,' I say, 'CHARGE!' But before we can reach the door one of the machine's giant hands slaps me sideways!