5 The Return of Professor Stupido

The Return of Professor Stupido

"Hey, Andy," said Terry, "don't look now, but there's a huge spider up there!" Of course I looked, then immediately wished I'd taken Terry's advice and not looked, because I saw the biggest, ugliest, hairiest spider I'd ever seen. "Ugh!" I said. "I wish spiders had never been invented. Where's Professor Stupido when you need him?"

We turned to see a ridiculous-looking man wearing striped pants, a checked jacket, and a small black bow tie: a man I had hoped never to see again. (You've heard of inventors who invent things?

Well, Professor Stupido is an un-inventor, with the power to un-invent things simply by pointing at them and saying a little rhyme.) "Professor Stupido?!" I said. "But that's impossible! We tricked you into un-inventing yourself!" "Yes, that's correct," he said. "You did. And a pretty good trick it was, too. But I am such a brilliant un-inventor that I was able to un-invent my own un- invention!" "That doesn't make any sense," said Terry. "How could you un-invent your own un-invention if you no longer existed to un-invent it?" "I admit I don't fully understand it myself," said Professor Stupido. "And yet, here I am—at your service. Now, what would you like me to un-invent for you?" "Well, since you're here, we'd like you to un-invent spiders, please," said Terry.

"With pleasure," said Professor Stupido, focusing his intense gaze on the spider. He raised his hand to point at the spider, but before he could transmit his deadly un-inventing power, I pushed his hand down. "Wait!" I said. "What did you do that for?" said Professor Stupido, annoyed. "I was just about to make the world a safer and much more pleasant place by un-inventing spiders!" "Maybe the world would be a better place without

spiders," I said. "But then again, maybe it wouldn't." "How could a world in which spiders exist be better than a world in which they don't?" said Professor Stupido. "Yeah," said Terry. "Explain that, Andy!" "Well," I said, "I don't like spiders any more than you do, but they do perform an important service by eating bugs like mosquitoes and flies. If spiders weren't around to eat the bugs, then the treehouse— and the world—might be a much more unpleasant place." "That's a good point," said Terry. "Yes," said Professor Stupido. "But I have a much better solution: I'll not only un-invent spiders; I'll un- invent bugs as well! Stand back!"