13 The Day the Shark Bit My Head Off

The Day the Shark CHOMP! Bit My Head Off

鲨鱼咬人的日子！咬死我了

"Hey, Andy," said Terry, "can you put this pizza into the oven for me?" "Sure," I said. "Be careful," said Terry. "The oven is really hot." "I'll be the judge of that," I said. (Terry's a terrible judge of heat— I'm much better.) I touched the side of the oven. I screamed as I pulled my finger away. "That's really, really HOT! Why didn't you tell me how hot it was?" "I did," said Terry. "But you wouldn't listen."

“嘿，安迪，”特里说，“你能帮我把这个披萨放进烤箱吗？”“当然，”我说。 “小心点，”特里说。“烤箱真的很热。” “我来判断吧，”我说。 （特里对热度的判断很糟糕——我要好得多。）我摸了摸烤箱的侧面。 我尖叫着把手指抽开。 “那真的，真的很热！”你为什么不告诉我天气有多热？”“是的，”特里说。 “可你就是不听。”

"Well, I would have if you'd told me it was that hot!" I said. Just then, Jill came into the pizza parlor. She was drinking a bottle of lemonade. "What's going on?" she said. "Why are you shouting at Terry?" "Because he didn't warn me how hot the oven was and I touched it and burned my hand," I said. "I'm sorry to hear that," said Jill. "Would you like a sip of my lemonade to help take your mind off it? It's a really nice sherbet flavor." "Thanks," I said, taking the bottle from Jill. "Don't drink it too fast, though," said Jill. "It's extra fizzy!"

“嗯，如果你告诉我有那么热，我会去的！”我说。 就在这时，吉尔走进了披萨店。 她正在喝一瓶柠檬水。 “怎么回事？”她说。 “你为什么对特里大喊大叫？”“因为他没有提醒我烤箱有多热，我碰了一下，烫伤了我的手，”我说。 “听你这么说我很难过。”吉尔说。 “你要不要喝一口我的柠檬水，让你暂时忘掉这件事？” 这是一种非常好的果子露味道。” “谢谢。”我说着，从吉尔手里接过瓶子。 “不过，不要喝得太快。”吉尔说。 “这是额外的气泡！”

"I'll be the judge of that," I said. (Jill's a terrible judge of fizziness— I'm much better.) I took a big mouthful and a million billion tiny bubbles of fizziness almost burst my brain. (You've heard of brain freeze? Well this was brain FIZZ.) I screamed as bubbles came out of my nose, my ears, my eyes, and my mouth. "That's really, really FIZZY! Why didn't you warn me how fizzy it was?" "I tried to," said Jill. "But you wouldn't listen." "I would have if you'd told me it was that fizzy," I said. Just then, Edward Scooperhands came into the pizza parlor pushing a portable ice-cream cart. "Get your extra-cold ice creams, folks!" called Edward. "Cold enough to give you brain freeze forever! You've been warned!"

“我来判断吧，”我说。 （吉尔对气泡的判断很糟糕——我好多了。）我吃了一大口，无数的气泡几乎炸裂了我的大脑。 (你听说过大脑冻结吗？ 这是大脑泡沫。)泡泡从我的鼻子、耳朵、眼睛和嘴里冒出来，我尖叫起来。 “那真的，真的是FIZZY!”你为什么不警告我它有多冒泡？”“我试过了。”吉尔说。 “可你就是不听。” “如果你告诉我它有那么多气泡，我就会喝的，”我说。 就在这时，爱德华·斯库伯汉兹推着一辆便携式冰淇淋车走进了披萨店。 “伙计们，拿你们的特冷冰淇淋来！”爱德华喊道。 “冷到让你的大脑永远冻结！”我警告过你了！”

I suppose you're probably thinking that I said, "I'll be the judge of that," and grabbed an extra-cold ice cream, shoved it in my mouth, and got brain freeze forever. Well, I didn't. I'm not stupid, you know. Edward Scooperhands is a very good judge of the coldness of ice cream! (Robots are much better judges of that sort of stuff than humans.) "Oh, and by the way," said Edward. "On my way here I passed the tank full of man-eating sharks, and the sharks seemed extra snappy. I don't think they've been fed. I gave them some ice cream but I think it must have been too cold because they spat it out." "No problem, Edward," I said. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll go and feed them now." I grabbed a bucket of fish and headed to the tank. When I got there, the first thing I saw was a big sign

我猜你可能在想，我说“我来评判吧”然后抓了一个特别冷的冰淇淋，塞进嘴里，然后脑子永远冻坏了。 好吧，我没有。你知道，我又不傻。 爱德华·斯库伯汉兹对冰淇淋的冷度判断得很准！（机器人在这方面的判断能力比人类强得多。）“哦，顺便说一句，”爱德华说。 “在我来这里的路上，我经过了一个装满食人鲨的鱼缸，鲨鱼看起来特别活泼。 我不认为他们被喂饱了。 我给了他们一些冰淇淋，但我想一定是太冷了，因为他们把冰淇淋吐出来了。” “没问题，爱德华。”我说。 “谢谢你告诉我。 我现在就去喂它们。” 我抓起一桶鱼，朝鱼缸走去。 当我到达那里时，我首先看到的是一个大标志

that said: BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU'RE FEEDING THE SHARKS BECAUSE THEIR TEETH ARE SHARP ENOUGH TO BITE YOUR HEAD OFF. "I'll be the judge of that," I said. WARNING BE CAREFUL (I'm a much better judge of FEEDING THE SHARKS BECAUSE shark-tooth-sharpness than whoever TEETH ARE SHARR wrote that sign and I really don't ENOUGH TO BITE YOUR HEAD OFF think the sharks' teeth are sharp enough to bite anybody's head off.) I stood close to the edge of the water, and the sharks rushed toward me. Edward was right. They were hungry! They were leaping out of the water, biting the fish right out of my hands, and then, in the frenzy, one jumped up extra high and bit my head off! I screamed—or, rather, my head screamed, "A SHARK BIT MY HEAD OFF!"

也就是说：喂鲨鱼的时候要小心，因为它们的牙齿锋利得足以把你的头咬掉。 “我来判断吧，”我说。 警告：小心（我对喂鲨鱼的判断要好得多，因为鲨鱼的牙齿比那些牙齿锋利的人锋利得多，我真的不认为鲨鱼的牙齿锋利得足以咬掉你的头。）我站在靠近水边的地方，鲨鱼向我冲来。 爱德华是对的。他们饿了！它们跳出水面，把我手里的鱼咬掉，然后，在疯狂中，有一条跳得特别高，把我的头咬掉了！我尖叫着——或者更确切地说，是我的头在尖叫，“一条鲨鱼把我的头咬掉了！”