Chapter 4

4 THE ROBOT STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF FRANK EINSTEIN'S laboratory nods. "Yes, I am alive. According to at least one definition of your term 'alive.'" "I knew it could work," says Frank. The robot reaches out his right hand. "My name is Klink. I am a self-assembled artificial- intelligence entity."

Frank takes Klink's metal hand and shakes it. "You built yourself?" "Yes," says Klink. "That is what I said. If it were not true, I would not have said it." Frank scans the mechanical figure in front of him. He spots most of the bits and pieces of his smashed SmartBot—one webcam eye, the hose arm, GPS display. Also a much more smash-proof Shop-Vac body. With wheels. And a handle. A better, glass-dome head replacing the toaster-skull. All reconnected, rewired, and reassembled into a fully working, blinking, talking... robot. "But how—?" "Well, someone must have built the initial neural-net brain architecture. After that, all the system needed was a spark. I have calculated a ninety-eight percent chance that you are the

human who built it." "I did?" says Frank. "I mean—yes, I did." "Marvelous," says Klink. "Are you being sarcastic?" asks Frank. "Why would I use a word—adjective—to mean the opposite of what was said in order to insult someone, show irritation, or be funny?" "Wait. Are you still being sarcastic?" "I would neeeever be sarcastic." "OK, really—" But Frank doesn't get a chance to decide if a robot can be sarcastic, because he and Klink are suddenly interrupted by a big trash canister clomping around the corner of the workbench on metal feet, crashing into Frank and wrapping its aluminum flex duct hose arms around him.

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"Human! Hug! You need a hug. I need a hug. Give me a hug." "Another robot!?" says Frank, lifted off his feet in the big, excited metal hug. "Obviously," says Klink. "He is Klank. Also self- assembled artificial intelligence." Klank smiles down at Frank. "Amazing," squeaks Frank, starting to feel a little crushed and breathless in the big robot's squeeze. "Klank. Stop hugging," says Klink. "Humans need to intake oxygen molecules." Klank unwraps his arms and drops Frank on the garage floor. "Thanks," says Frank. Klink helps Frank to his feet. "But to be completely correct, I should say that Klank is

mostly self- assembled artificial almost intelligence." Frank hears Klank's internal gears spin and whir. "Satisfaction guaranteed!" "Klank required some help assembling," continues Klink. "We had to make do with mostly leftover parts. So he has the brain of your HugMeMonkey! doll..." "Hug me!" "...the memory of a cheap digital watch..." "Huh?" "...but mostly the heart of a Casio AL-100R