6 Ballerina Butt Boy

Ballerina Butt Boy "Welcome to Empty Hand Academy," said a girl with a yin-yang headband. "I'm Izzy. I'm an

orange belt, so I help new kids." Stink breathed it all in. One whole wall was a mirror. Black-and-orange training mats covered the floor. Foam-covered punching bags stood guard in the corner. On the wall were the words: RESPECT. CONFIDENCE. FOCUS. SELF-DEFENSE. BETTER GRADES. "Take off your shoes," said Izzy. Stink kicked off his smelly sneakers. He stepped onto the mat in his sock feet. His feet went flying. Izzy laughed. "You just learned your first move: the Flying Butt Fall." "I see our new student is off to a flying start," joked a guy with shaggy hair and a black belt. Stink picked himself up. "Stink Moody," said Izzy, "this is our teacher, Mr. Albion. We call him Sensei Dan."

Sensei Dan bowed to Stink. "Hello. Welcome. Take off your socks, Stink Moody. In karate, we have more control in bare feet." "Who's that?" Stink asked, pointing to a lifesize cardboard action figure of a guy doing karate.

"That's the Venerable Yuuto Kashiwagi," Izzy answered. "He's a world-famous karate champ. We call him Dragon Master." "Warm-ups, everybody," Mr. Albion called. Kids walked around the edges of the mat. "I am only I," said Sensei Dan. "I am only I," the class repeated. "I walk in my own footsteps." "I walk in my own footsteps," said the class. Next, they sat on the floor and did push-ups, crunches, and stretches. Then they crossed their legs, closed their eyes, and focused on a calming image. Stink opened his eyes. Stink did not feel calm. All he could think about was karate-kicking— hi-ya— and punching— ka-pow— and chopo- matic chopping. Where were all the boards for chopping? Ai-ee! "Let's try not to make sound effects during the calming meditation," said Sensei Dan. Stink turned beet-red.

"Let your mind be a pool of water. A pond without ripples." Stink tried to pretend he was a pond. But how was being a pond going to help him with karate? Or thumb-wrestling? He told himself a joke instead. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chopper. Hardee-har-har. "Silence, please," said Mr. Albion. Stink turned beet-redder. When they were done being pools of water, Sensei Dan showed Stink some hand positions. "Remember, Stink: karate means empty hand." The only empty hand Stink cared about was the one for chopping bricks. Next came a lot of standing around: horse stance, ready stance, cat stance. Standing was BOR-ing. Standing was not kicking or punching or breaking stuff.

When Stink had to bow to Izzy, he headbutted her. When Stink had to bend like the willow, he fell over into a box of balls. And when Stink had to stand on one leg, a kid they called Rooster Raymond said, "Dude. You look like a praying mantis." At last, out came the punching bags! Wham, slam, bam! Stink Moody, aka Shark Hammersmash, was the Ultimate High-Flying, Punch-Bagging, Thumb-Wrestling Machine! On his way over to the Slammer, Stink tripped and tumbled into a forward roll. "Hey, Ballerina Butt," Rooster hissed under his breath. "Dance class is next door."