5. Your Epidermis Is Showing

Chapter 5 Your Epidermis Is Showing When I got to school, I went straight to the cubbies by our classroom. While I hung up my backpack, I checked to make sure no one was nearby. Good. The coast was clear. I whispered to Hamilton through the zipper hole. "See you, buddy." I heard someone behind me. So I zipped up my backpack really quick. My pal Gus ran up. His cubby is right next to mine.

Gus's cubby sign looks like this: GUS CARR My cubby sign looks like this: ROSCOE RILEY I have smaller letters on account of my name is longer. We headed into the classroom. Emma ran over to join us. Wyatt zoomed past us, pretending to be a jet. "Hey, Gus," he yelled. "Your epidermis is showing." Gus looked worried. "Epidermis just means skin, Gus," I told him. "That is the oldest joke on the planet." I know this because I have a big brother.

Max is useful for some things. Wyatt zoomed back again. "Hey, Roscoe," he said, "your proboscis is showing." That was a new one. Even Max had never said it. I checked for boogers. I checked my zipper. I checked every other embarrassing thing I could think of. Emma made an I-don't-know-what-Wyatt's-talking-about face. And she knows lots of big words. Wyatt laughed a loud, meanish laugh. My dad says every classroom has a bully. In Ms. Diz's class, his name is Wyatt. Dad says when somebody like Wyatt teases you, a good answer is "So what?"

They never quite know what to say to that one. This also works on little sisters and big brothers. Feel free to borrow "So what?" anytime you need it. "I see Roscoe's proboscis!" Wyatt yelled. "So what?" I said. Wyatt stopped zooming. He scrunched up his face. "I'll bet you don't even know what that is," he said at last. "Do so," I said. "What is it then?" he said. "Just zip it, Wyatt," said Emma. That's a fancy way of saying BE QUIET.

Emma has a way with words. Suddenly I remembered that I'd zipped up poor Hamilton. How would he breathe without an air hole? "I'll be right back," I said. I ran to the cubbies in the hall. No one was there. I unzipped my backpack. So Hamilton could have some nice, fresh air. I reached in to move him around. So he could be more comfortable. "Now you look comfy," I said. "Who are you talking to, Riley?" someone asked. I smushed Hamilton down and spun around. Wyatt!

"Nobody," I said. "I mean, I was just talking to myself." Wyatt took a step closer. "What's in there, anyway?" I could feel my face getting red. I hate that. It's like your epidermis is tattling on you. "I saw something," said Wyatt. "Is that a stuffed pig? Because stuffed animals are for loser babies." "It's not a stuffed animal!" I cried. "It's a…a lunch bag." "You talk to your lunch?" Wyatt asked. "Only when it's bologna," I said.