8 Two Ways to Get Down in the Dumps

Chapter 8 TWO WAYS TO GET DOWN IN THE DUMPS "We'll be bird poop!" said Judy. "Matilda hasn't swallowed us yet," said Andrew. "Maybe she'll figure out we're not a peanut." meep… "Seagull got red spot on side of beak," said Thudd. "Cheese Louise!" said Judy. "This is no time for seagull trivia, Thudd!" meep… "Spot on beak help us get out, maybe," said Thudd. "When baby seagull want to eat, it peck at red spot on beak of big seagull. Make big seagull throw up food for baby bird to eat. If Drewd and Oody pound on inside of beak, maybe make seagull throw us up!"

"Super idea, Thudd!" said Andrew. "Eeeeeuw!" said Judy. "Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up!" Andrew put his arm around Judy. "It's either that or end up as bird poop on the windshield of someone's car," he said. Andrew and Judy leaned as the seagull turned. It was flying slower. Their peanut shell smacked the front of the beak as the seagull landed at the dump. meep… "Pound on side of beak!" squeaked Thudd. "Use shell!" Andrew stepped onto the seagull's hard tongue. "Grab the shell, Judy," said Andrew. "One… two… three!" They slammed the peanut shell into the beak again and again. There was rumbling down below. The beak cracked open. Suddenly a wave of warm, lumpy, fishy soup tossed them out of the beak.

The seagull hopped into the air, spread its wings, and flew off. "Oofers!" hollered Andrew. He landed on a jelly doughnut with bite marks. "Aaaack!" yelled Judy. She tumbled onto the petal of a plastic daisy. Judy sat up and spit stuff out of her mouth. "Ploof! Ploof! PLOOOF!" She wiped her face with her sleeve. But since she was entirely soaked with seagull vomit, it didn't help. "What did you say?" asked Andrew. "Can't hear what you're saying!" shouted Judy, pulling bits of fish out of her hair. "It's so loud here!" The air was stuffed with sound. A spiral of screaming seagulls filled the afternoon sky. Crickets were making such a racket, Andrew felt he had crickets in his ears. Flies whizzed and whined like small airplanes above their heads. A fly circled Andrew's doughnut and came in for a landing. The fly's dark eyes covered most of

its head like two big helmets. Each eye looked like it was made up of thousands of tiny tiles. The fly crept over the doughnut in slow circles. meep… "Fly taste stuff with feet," said Thudd. A shadow passed over the doughnut. A black crow, looking as big as a jet plane, swooped low. The fly zoomed off. An explosion of umbrella shapes shot off the ground, whizzed high into the air, and rained back down. meep… "Springtail bug!" said Thudd. "Got springs under back legs. Jump high, high, high! Like human jumping over ten-story building!" "Holy moly!" yelled Andrew as a fuzzy-headed gray springtail landed on his shoulder. It looked like a big parrot. The prickly antennas between its bumpy black eyes tickled Andrew's ear. Through his shirt, Andrew felt the spring-tail's feet clawing his back.

As Andrew struggled to shove the bug off, another one landed in his lap. "Yaaaaah!" screamed Judy, fighting off the springtails that had rained down on her. Trying to get away, she fell off her petal and onto the ground. "YAAAAAAAAH!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "It's horrible down here!"