3 No Excuses

Chapter 3 NO EXCUSES "Ack! Ack!" coughed Judy. "Yerf!" hollered Jeremy, pinching his nose with his fingers. Andrew held his breath. The tornado swirled toward the ceiling and vanished. The smell disappeared. And the bulge in the middle of the Goa Constrictor was gone. Now the Goa's tail was twitching so fast that it seemed to disappear. As soon as the tail was still, Andrew lifted it. "Super-duper pooper-scooper!" he shouted. "Look!" Beneath the tail was a tiny pile of colored specks. Andrew put down the remote and reached into his pants pocket. He pulled out a small black tube

and put it up to his eye. "Woofers!" he said. "The Goa really did shrink the garbage! Apple cores and paper cups are smaller than grains of sand! Some stuff is so small I can't even see it with my Tele-Mag." "Give me that thing," said Jeremy, kneeling down on the floor. He grabbed the Tele-Mag out of Andrew's hand, put it up to his eye, and looked at the tiny pile. "It's just a big blur!" he said. "That's because you're holding the Tele-Mag the wrong way," said Andrew. "One end is a telescope and the other end is a microscope." Jeremy turned the tube around and examined the specks. "Okay. It's teensy-weensy garbage," he said. "Who cares?" Andrew grabbed back the Tele-Mag and picked up the remote. "So where's your invention, Germy?" he asked. "Right here," said Jeremy, getting to his feet. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out what looked like a black Ping-Pong ball.

"Humph," said Judy, frowning. "Just what the world is waiting for—a smooth golf ball. One that's really hard to find." Jeremy shook his head. "You wouldn't recognize a genius idea if it landed on your brain," he said. "This is the Excuse-O-Matic. The world is waiting for this." Jeremy clicked a silver button at the top of the black ball. "I didn't do my homework," he said slowly. hmmmmmmmmmm… The ball hummed softly. It began to spin in Jeremy's palm. hmmmmm… "My little brother ate my homework," whined a small voice from the whirling ball. hmmmmm… "I got food poisoning and threw up all night." hmmmmm… "A robber broke into our house and took everything, even my homework." Jeremy clicked the silver button again and the Excuse-O-Matic was quiet.

"See?" said Jeremy. "It works for every situation—being late, losing stuff—anything! Everybody needs good excuses." "Lies, you mean," said Judy. Jeremy smiled. "Just other ways of looking at things," he said. "Even Dandy Andy will love this. Catch!" He tossed the Excuse-O-Matic to Andrew. The Excuse-O-Matic knocked the remote control out of Andrew's hand. It fell to the floor. The red eyes of the Goa Constrictor blinked fast. It opened its jaws, scooped up the Excuse-O- Matic and the remote, and snapped its jaws shut. "Get my Excuse-O-Matic back!" yelled Jeremy. "Or else I'll say you stole it! You'll get arrested!" "No way!" said Judy. Judy threw herself on the Goa Constrictor, grabbed its top jaw, and pulled. Andrew flopped down in front of the Goa, got a grip on its bottom jaw, and looked inside. "See anything?" asked Judy.

"Not yet," said Andrew. He snapped his mini- flashlight off his belt loop and clicked it on. "Can you pull the mouth open a little wider?" "Uuugh!" groaned Judy, pulling harder. "I can't hold this jaw open much longer." Andrew pushed his head and then his shoulders into the Goa's mouth. "Ooof!" exclaimed Judy as the top jaw snapped out of her grip. It clomped down on Andrew. Ssssssssssss… The bottom jaw was moving in and out. It was pulling Andrew inside like a conveyor belt!

"Uh-oh," said Andrew. He was inside the Goa up to his chest! Andrew could hear Jeremy laughing. "Germy Booger, this is all your fault," said Judy. "Get over here and grab one of Andrew's legs." "Boohoo!" hooted Jeremy, walking out the door. "Dandy Andy is your problem. I'm going to tell Principal Smuggins. You guys are in big trouble." Andrew felt Judy's hands gripping his ankles and yanking. "AAAAAAAACK!" screamed Judy. SSSSSSSSSSSS… The horrible hiss was the last sound Andrew heard before his head felt like it was filled with helium and everything went black.